AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

Father Christmas doesn't put presents under the tree. They're in stockings in bedrooms.

This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

haha
not gonna happen.

Even if it's an IPAD or something, I can't see how ONE present can "entertain kids all morning"

Your idea sounds pretty miserable because frankly, of your attitude. You are too rigid. Kids are unpredictable, and that's half the fun of it all. You expect your kids to wake up at 5am, and one year they somehow sleep until 9 on Christmas day. They might be hungry and want early breakfast, they might fancy a mid-morning breakfast, chill.

How will you react if your "exciting" present is not as exciting as you think? They see a new trampoline in the garden, they might rush and jump on it for hours, or they might spend 2 minutes and come back, and spend hours on it another day.

You really need to be more open-minded and less regimented, you will have a much more enjoyable Christmas.

Maybe a compromise, stockings opened first thing and then children wait and presents opened mid-morning, perhaps after everybody has had breakfast but before dinner. Or if you have family coming maybe the kids open the presents from you and anyone who won’t be there in the morning, but save the gifts from visiting family until after dinner?

When I was younger, going downstairs and opening presents in the morning was so special. Then getting together with your cousins later at dinner to tell each other what Santa had brought you. I don't think any of us would have enjoyed our dinner because we'd have been impatient to open our presents if we'd done it your way. I also don't think we would have wanted to open in front of everyone. My DB definitely wouldn't have enjoyed this.

There's nothing wrong with it at all, it carries special memories for you and that's lovely. But you might find when your children talk to their friends about Christmas that they are confused why they don't open presents in the morning. That's the way it looks in the movies and in pop culture. Purely because your way of doing it is less common.

Talk to your DH though, what he wants is equally as important and your own family traditions (as in your nuclear family) aren't your own if they are just an exact replica of your childhood.

Have a great time!

Mine are grown up now but I can't think of any age whereby they'd have gone along with this
'Don’t touch that massive exciting pile of wrapped presents under the tree...'

People are almost phobic of creating situations where children need to wait for things these days.

I know a few people who do it like you did (santa brings stockings and parents bring under the tree presents).

It not only makes the whole day more fun and entertains the kids when the parents want to chill in a food coma, it also teaches the child appreciation for their parents and gratitude. Magical santa is great, but mum and dad also worked hard to provide these presents.

I don't think it is miserable at all, I think your way sounds lovely and creates a structure for a day that can descend into tears and chaos early afternoon.

Father Christmas might bring you very small presents, or you have huge stockings but all the presents here are under the tree 😂

Also, I was a shy and people-pleasing child. The pressure to do performative present opening would have made christmas completely miserable.

I still hate being expected to have a reaction to a present because everyone is watching. This type of tradition feels like it's more about adults wanting a show of gratitude, than about children enjoying christmas day.

We do it your way. Always have. It spreads things out nicely. Otherwise the main excitement is over in the first hour.

I don't think you should rely on any kind of set plan with an over-excited three year old. You both need to be prepared for some flexibility - DC may be too overwhelmed to open everything at once but the idea of "convening" for a meal before alternating gifts sounds like a recipe for total disaster with a small child.

We do a similar thing to you, in terms of presents from stockings first thing, then breakfast and getting everyone into one room then later in the morning presents.

I agree it’s probably a middle class delayed gratification type of approach. We have a wonderful Christmas- many sorts of joy outside of the presents- but I do try to instil in the kids mindfulness of how lucky they are, that Christmas is about a lot more than ripping open presents & I also have a built in dislike of excess, spoiling kids and lack of appreciation. We are the kind of family that go for family runs on Christmas Day. I know it’s not for everyone.

If it helps, people like teachers and other parents often comment that my children are thoughtful, kind and inclusive. It’s probably my miserable parenting style!

Oh my that is worse.

@Brandysauce
This is exactly the way I grew up and the anticipation is fantastic!
We also had to go to church in the morning!
I've done it this way with my children and they both loved it and intend to do it with their own families.

Don't family bring presents with them on the day? We do father Christmas presents and presents from us in the morning then presents from everyone else after Christmas Dinner.

Oh god, taking it in turns is awful.
It takes ages, it’s exposing and makes the recipient self conscious. I hated it when Christmas was at my cousins house and we had to do this, from childhood to teens.

Plus a 3 year old could be too tired and fractious by then .

I would do stockings in bed, breakfast, family presents under the tree, lunch, then the presents that family bring

I don't know many three year olds who would be compliant with this suggestion to be honest!
They'll see that Santa has been and want to open all their presents straight away.
You could compromise with the rest of the family but not with someone so young - sorry but you are being a Grinch and Scrooge rolled into one!

We did stockings, then breakfast/give parents time to wake up properly, then our presents, then after dinner the additional family/grandparents etc presents. When they were little they got a lot so spreading them out worked well. .

I think you and DH should try to reframe your thinking about the day in terms of his way vs. your way. The OP says you want to set out your own family traditions, but actually, you're just pitting your two previous families' ways against each other. I'd be thinking about how I wanted the day to go and why. So:

• avoid overwhelming small child. Some PPs have said 3YO will be overwhelmed by having all presents at once in the morning. I think more likely to be overwhelmed by having most home presents and all family presents at once in the afternoon. How many presents is your child getting from you, how many are likely from family? It might be that 3 is still too little to do things in a more structured way, and you work something different out for next year.
• enjoy family time and make sure guests have a nice time: will cousins all be bringing all their presents with them, or will they have already opened them at home? If the latter, then OP you don't get to 'set your own tradition' of opening later, because you also want part of the tradition to involve opening with family, but they will have their own ideas.
• get to see and enjoy child opening presents. Work out who is doing cooking and when.

Personally, I prefer a less structured approach. My child has a lot of grandparents, aunts & uncles and he will be getting a fuckload of presents, so it's best if they come in separate batches as you're more likely to get some proper (and visible) appreciation from him that way and all the gifters are happy.

Stocking from Santa as soon.as you wake. Breakfast and dressed, in any order then go to the tree and presents and open them.
Civilised but not puritanical

There is no rigidity whatsoever other than the very rough guide of stocking — main lunch and family — tree presents.

Why would it be miserable?
We did a mix.. stockings when they woke, some presents before breakfast and others when people arrived/after lunch.All at once is too much.

If my child wasn’t entertained by a significant much wanted present and was throwing a tantrum demanding to open more I would consider I had failed in my duty not to raise a spoilt brat to be honest.

Father Christmas doesn't put presents under the tree. They're in stockings in bedrooms.

What if he brings a train set or a dolls house?

It's miserable and odd. We were those children, we had to go to church having only opened stockings (pillowcases) that had various useful bits in and an orange whilst everyone else had their new shiny toys.

Even worse we also had to take the presents if we went to grandparents house for Christmas dinner as the magic opening hour had not been reached.

Cousins had all their stuff and we had to sit after dinner and open one at a time in turn with everyone else watching.

It's controlling imo

This is what I thought - I am posting from the UK and wondering if this is where the confusion has come in. Stockings have always been the smaller gifts and on the fireplace.