AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

As a child we ripped everything open first thing. Super magical!

As a teenager it actually made it all quite crap really. No longer had the heady excitement. As all the kids became adults, we usually open gifts around midday depending when everyone is ready, or after Christmas lunch at 3pm. I have a 3yo and I'll let her open some in the morning but she'd rather play with what she's opened rather than open presents so opening presents takes a very long time with her 😂

I'm trying hard to make the focus on things you enjoy as an adult, like having all the family together and playing games and chatting rather than the capitalism fest that I had in the 90's 😂

There's probably a compromise to be found, maybe hide half, open half and then find the second half after dinner? Or a scavenger hunt?

This is what we do and I did growing up and have no issues doing it still with our ds and never have. He just accepts it as the norm & it does no harm having to wait for presents!!

It’s a lovely way to do it and means the present excitement isn’t over in the morning! It also means you get to take in more what everyone gets! Giving out the presents with grand parent helping is one of the parts my ds loves the most while we clean the dishes away!

my dp wasn’t sure when we were mapping out our first Christmas Day together but agreed we’d try it for a year & see & never looked back! The times we’ve spent with their family we’ve done it their way but the afternoons are not the same!!! So since having ds we’ve stuck to them coming to us & it works well!

it does need to be a joint decision though!!

Interested to know why?

We do stockings in mummy and daddy's bed

Down for all the presents under the tree, which will be from us and relative staying with us. Much excitement, but if it gets to the point DD is seeming a bit overwhelmed we'll stop for breakfast and do a couple more after.

Grandparents arrive early afternoon, exchange and open gifts with them.

Lunch.

I'll then bring out any presents for DD from people we won't be seeing over Christmas - there's a few people who either live abroad or at the other end of the country who send stuff for DD as we do for their children. I might have kept one or two of ours back depending on the size of the pile and how the day has gone too.

See other family and close friends in the days after Christmas and up to New Year - exchange gifts with them on those days, which spreads it out more.

This is exactly how it was for me as a child. Cant say I was tortured waiting for the "tree presents" in the slightest. Always really enjoyed the day - had santa presents and the excitement of anticipation for the rest throughout the day. My husband grew up with the kids up at 4am and run down and rip everything open on their own. We met a compromise - santa and some "tree presents" in the morning and the the rest opened in various unscheduled bouts throughout the day. Sometimes all opened before dinner sometimes not.

Must say whilst your way is not miserable, your OP does read quite rigid, feels quite prescribed fun and there might be a Discipline Policy to follow if someone doesn't hit the correct level of excitement. The trill of Christmas doesn't need to come from showing how discipline you and your children are.

Find a compromise and don't be too upset if it doesn't happen exactly as planned.

@Brandysauce , that’s how I always did it as a child and how I arranged the day when my children were young. I absolutely hate the thought of a frenzy of present unwrapping with no proper gratitude expressed to those who have put care into buying gifts. I’m a grandmother now and it’s not for me to decide how we do things so our tradition has changed and Santa sacks are opened first thing as always followed by breakfast and then the opening of family gifts. We maintain the tradition of the youngest child able giving out the gifts and then each person opens their pile in age order youngest to eldest with proper appreciation given to those who’ve gifted. One of my daughters in law carefully knocks out her ‘thank you cards’ while this is happening which is very organised of her.
Would this compromise suit both you and your husband?

@YaWeeFurryBastard
Love your posts and agree with everything!

If DC has gifts from you (not Santa), it’s reasonable for them to have them in the morning. If they will be getting gifts from extended family who will be there later, those ought to be given when the family member can see them being opened.

You can’t expect a 3-year-old to sit through a long session of other people getting and opening presents, without getting any herself. She won’t understand.

oh, sorry, you are one of these people who get miffed if their "thoughtful" present is not the highlight of the day?

who's talking about tantrum?

What I said was that it was unrealistic to expect a child (or an adult) to be fascinated by one present all morning. What would YOU find enough to "entertain you" for an entire morning I am curious?

Would you not even allow the child to wander off and go play with something else? It's getting worst and worst 😂

christ my inlaws do it your way. Its excrutiatingly painful to sit through. One year - pre kids - we were still opening presents, one at a time with each person in turn, at 8pm. One SIL had to try on 10 outfits her parents had bought for her while we all ooh'd and ahh'd over them. most boring christmas ever. Im used to going for a woodland walk and coming back for hot choc, quality street tin and xmas film/rest after.

The first year the SILs kids were old enough to know there were more presents under the tree for them the christmas lunch was awful with both nephews screeching and trying to open presents before time. Ditto the year after. DD was the same age and since we had opened our presents in the morning was quite happily playing with her bits.

Now they open presents in the morning before we arrive. Not sure how they do it, dont care frankly, and we open the presents for us from them and they open from us to them after lunch and not one person at a time.

we always opened our presents after breakfast when adults were dressed.

Snooze fest. Making little children wait all day looking at unopened presents under a christmas tree waiting for grown ups to eat and be ready to watch them open. Play with all new toys all day from first thing not one thing! It's christmas lighten up, I'm with hubby. Christmas isn't a time for routine and rules, it's for your kids. Maybe ask them what they'd like to do!?

When my husband was a child they’d open presents in the morning and then again after dinner. He mentioned trying this tradition, but it never really worked out for us, as we eat around 3.30/4 I personally didn’t like the idea of my children having to wait all day to open their main present.

We had presents opening all together after breakfast which was usually late morning as inevitably there were young adults hung over not wanting an early start.

I think waiting for all to be there together and taking it in turns is important. When with my ex the step kids just dived in an ripped all open in a frenzy. I felt it was over too fast and seemed ungrateful on the kids part

I don't think waiting for after dinner is wrong. So long as there is stuff in the stocking to play with in the morning. But it's important to make a joint decision

@Brandysauce growing up we did Christmas like you. I hated it. In the morning dm would be hot and cross in the kitchen and I would be bored and frustrated looking at the pile of unopened presents. After lunch all my friends were out in the street playing on thier new bikes or space hoppers or whatever. Some might come and call on me to play but I was still sitting inside trying to be grateful that auntie phyllis had bought me some lace handkerchiefs.

And I still retain the horrible feeling of opening presents in public, and being expected to exclaim over them. Not exciting for me.

When dc were small we did santa stockings early, then breakfast, then the majority of other presents. Then after lunch we had a walk or watched TV, or played with / read / assembled presents. The adults napped!

I don’t think your way sounds miserable, just a bit formal. You also have quite a formal writing style so Im guessing it’s indicative of your upbringing in general?
It wouldn't work for us as we don’t eat Christmas dinner until the evening, but everyone is different!
I think YWBU to ‘put your foot down’ though, the way your DH proposes doing it is equally as valid as yours.

Our breakfast was always whatever food was in the stocking 😂 It was sweets, before I give the impression we were eating oranges, nuts and coal for breakfast 😂

We open some presents later, so I’m not completely opposed to your way of doing things, but do have to say the smug self-congratulation from the oh-so-middle class mummies on this thread who “delay gratification” for Tarquin and Hortense is absolutely hilarious. Yes of course, your little darlings are much much better raised because they don’t open their new socks until after lunch, not like those common children who rip into every present before breakfast. I’m sure they’ll do much better in life, brava.

I would advise avoiding putting stocking in DCs room to avoid it being a PITA in later years. My DS slept like a log at 3 but is a very light sleeper now at 8. I wouldn't be able to creep into his room to deliver it. I also now have a very nervous 3YO who wouldn't be happy with the thought of Father Christmas coming upstairs. Father Christmas delivers DCs presents to the living room here.

Also, forgot to say - are you always going to be the hosts OP?

Because I can kind of see how your way would work for you if it's always at your house, but do the visitors really cart all of their presents round to open after lunch at yours, and then take them all home again after? What about when the present is a bike or a massive doll's house or a new gaming chair for a teen? What about when one child has more presents to open than others, or one family is on a stricter budget?

He doesn't bring big presents. He does stockings.

Proper presents are from family, named and under the tree.

My parents did your way when I was a kid...I hated the waiting until after lunch thing for all presents. Everyone always just wanted to sleep after lunch.
My DH did everything as soon as they woke up.

We have a comprise in our house - stocking (these are just little bits in our house (chocolate, small toys, socks etc) when the kids wake up (in our room), Santa presents straight away downstairs. Then we have breakfast. Family presents after breakfast. Then lunch
After lunch is then spent playing with lots of new toys and just having fun.

From what I’ve gleaned from various people I know, waiting until after lunch to open presents is a very middle class thing. Did you and your DH have different upbringings?

My husband and I have had similar disagreements regarding which presents are brought by Father Christmas!

Presents on and off all day.

Presents like that are from parents the way we do it. Father Christmas does the stocking and if something doesn't fit it goes next to the stocking on the end of the bed

Your gifts after breakfast , family gifts after dinner ?