AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

When I met my husband, we had our own children. We used to open the presents first thing in the morning but he insisted we didn’t his way and do it later in the day. My kids didn’t want to do that but we gave it a go. Now they love that idea and do this with their own children. The excitement lasts all
say then and gives the kids time to appreciate each present instead of just putting it aside to get the next one. Your way is much better

What about the exciting rush to the christmas tree to see if father christmas has been? It's the best part of christmas with children.

Taking it in turns to open presents! Yeah, good luck with that.

I am team DH, but the posts suggesting that not letting your kids open all their presents first thing is akin to child abuse are a bit much.

So the way it was explained in my family was that Santa delivered the stocking presents (opened first thing) and family put all the presents under the tree. And we’d share the family present opening all together, when the whole family was there.

I do think your way of doing things is much better OP

My PIL do things similarly to you OP but it's the adults who exchange gifts after dinner. Kids get to open theirs first thing with maybe a couple of gifts held back for the afternoon (think the "boring" stuff - like socks and pjs) so they can be involved.

I think it's unreasonable to expect the kids to wait to be honest.

We've always done the same as you OP. Works for us, and our DC have never complained.

I’m trying to think what present you’d put in a stocking great enough to entertain for the whole morning an excited child on Christmas Day.

We do stockings. Not allowed down till 8:30am. Presents, breakfast, play with stuff dinner with or without others, games and a family present.

I hate the every sit and watch a million people open one present at a time you cannot play with because now it’s Timmy’s turn. Hours later that goes on a mils. Also instantly picked up if your face doesn’t look happy enough.

Middle ground would be open a couple of presents under the tree in the morning and then save the rest I’d say.

That's how we did it growing up,stockings lazy morning, lunch at about 2pm give or take, sometimes a game after and then presents afterward.
It's the best way!!
Presents was the best bit IMO so had that to look forward to all day.

I have really noticed there is a huge class divide on these things.

For us, stockings are by the fireplace along with the main present from Father Christmas and are opened first thing in the morning with mummy and daddy before the other relatives come round. Then it’s dressed and breakfast/champagne for adults, kids can open presents from mummy/daddy then guests arrive. Then lunch, then after lunch the rest of the presents for kids and adults, with kids getting involved handing out what they’ve bought the adults and enjoying giving as well as just receiving.

In an ideal world I’d prefer to do all presents except stocking after lunch but I accept that it’s hard for children to wait that long and doing the mummy/daddy presents first breaks up the day a bit for them.

I admit I recoil in horror at the idea of children mindlessly tearing through enormous piles of gifts first thing in the morning. Seems very crass and consumerist for me and a bit spoilt brat behaviour. Christmas in our house is about family and involving everyone not just enormous piles of presents for children, by doing it this way we’ve all enjoyed Christmas all our lives not just when kids are little and it’s lovely to see the kids excited about what they’ve bought Granny.

This sounds stressful to me.

The way we're doing it (my 5 year old has planned this 😆)

Kids bring stockings to open on mum & dad's bed

Breakfast

Presents

Xmas lunch at auntie's

5 year old also says she will save a present or two for later.

Could you do similar? Open a couple after breakfast and maybe save a couple for later?

Ours was always stockings on bed, mad rush downstairs, pretty much all presents in our own "piles" under tree. Back upstairs to drag parents down if they weren't behind us (usually were) Everyone opened one at a time taking it in turns. One of my happiest memories is my tiny DB throwing himself at his pile in sheer joy like a little flying gremlin one year.

As a compromise, could you put some presents aside for after lunch opening? If there are tons it's not a bad idea to space them out (60s child, we had plenty but not the quantity there seems to be today)

So your poor kid has to rush down, see the pressies and isn’t allowed to open them as your parents did that to you??

I'm not actually against OP's idea with an older child, but I just don't see it working with a three year old. My DC is really greedy, but even he would not be that excited by Christmas dinner (apart from the crackers), so for him, the main thing to look forward to is the presents. Whereas when he's a bit bigger, he'll be just as into the other aspects of Christmas and probably would enjoy a present-opening ritual. Also the potential to be overwhelmed as PPs have mentioned is a risk when it could lead to him not wanting relatives' presents later because everything is coming all at once.

I had to endure the theatre of the family sitting around and watching each other open individual presents. It was boring and cringey and took ages. Much rather enjoy the time playing with the new toys with the children.

You say “poor kids” but I was once that “poor kid” and I promise you, I did not feel at all unhappy about it.

I'm on side dh, all presents opened when they wake up.

My children would be unbearable if their presents were sitting there and they couldn’t open them, it wouldn’t be enjoyable for anyone. It works for us that presents are opened first as my husband helps the children put together and play with their toys which keeps them out of the kitchen and bothering me so I can cook the lunch and polish off a bottle of fizz in peace.

This has reminded me of https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDd7CJqMj__/?igsh=MTV6eDUwc3BueTVyYw== 😂

I prefer your way, op- saving some presents until
later always worked well for us and added to the excitement rather than taking away.

Agree with PP that it’s not a question of putting your foot down. You need to agree the approach together.

We do stocking in the morning which our kids bring to our room.

then downstairs for Xmas breakfast which is usually pain au chocolates and croissants

then the tree presents.

then either we go to grandparents for lunch around 2 or they come to us and that involves more presents.

this is also how we did it when I was a child and I think dh too because we’ve never really argued it or thought about it- it’s just the way it happens. My kids would not like opening their tree presents in front of all the aunties and cousins I don’t think

"Poor kid". 🤣🤣

There's nothing wrong with your way of doing it. Children don't have to rip open everything all at once.

But yabu to talk about putting your foot down, as if you're the boss and dh has no say. You need to negotiate a compromise.

We do stockings, special Christmas brunch, then presents with coffee, then the main meal in late afternoon/early evening. Works for us!!!

Do you always have to have it your way?

Our Christmas is like yours, and spread across the day. Stocking first, maybe a couple odf presents in morning and then more later. Everyone would be given a couple if presents, we’d open them and then more would be dished out.

Not miserable at all. If there’s a mad present opening session in the morning, you don’t appreciate what you have.