AIBU to think my idea of Christmas Day isn’t miserable at all?

[Brandysauce]

DH and I have a three year old and, now they’re old enough to really set out “our” Christmas Day traditions, have been constantly disagreeing on the order of Christmas Day. I have extremely fond memories (as we all do) of the way I did it growing up and think it makes great sense on the day re. presents. This is my proposal:

Stocking from Father Christmas opened first thing in the morning, brought into parents’ room and ripped open in excitement. This will consist of at least one “really exciting” present that will entertain them all morning.

Later on, the family all convene for Christmas Dinner which can stretch on for a while, all the family are there including cousins.

After lunch, the whole family moves to the living room by the Christmas tree and then the main present opening begins, taking in turns.

My DH says this is a “miserable” way of doing Christmas and that we should let DC open all presents in the morning. AIBU to want to put my foot down on this?

Why would you let Santa take credit for all the presents? That’s awful. OP’s way (stockings from FC) is much better.

Do you say gifts from grandparents are from Santa too?

Cousins are the main reason we have our arrangement. Morning presents at home from the parents mean that no one has to worry about balancing gifts across families. We have more money than our siblings and only one child. Our budget is bigger. If we were opening presents as a group, I would have to figure out a different plan because there is no chance I would allow the disparity to be that blatant. When we do the family exchange later in the day, it’s very easy to balance. We have some situations where some children have family linkages to more adults to get more presents that way, but we have tallied all that up in advance and the parents and aunts and uncles work together to make sure it all balances out. We also have a family etiquette on gift level at this event so there is no justified jealousy. Someone might legitimately admire a gift received by another child, but no one is sitting there being told they should be just as happy with a coloring book or a box of chocolates as a child who just got an iPad.

I did, my sister did, my kids did, and plenty of other kids do too - all perfectly happily. No misery here.

I’m with you OP in terms of how you want to do it. We do this and it has always worked well. I don’t like the idea of everyone ripping everything open first thing and not appreciating who has given what. Always made sure Father Christmas brought them stuff to entertain them in the morning. This was how we did it as a child too and I loved Christmas and it definitely didn’t feel miserable! My husband is fine with it even though as a child he opened everything in the morning and the compromise is that the children do get one present from us that they open in the morning (as well as all the FC stuff). It’s not at all miserable - just spreads the excitement across the day. However, if someone has never done it like this I can see it is quite a shift and I don’t think it is right to ‘put your foot down’. Maybe work on a compromise

I grew up the way you did with tree presents being opened after the Christmas meal.
I think it’s a far better way to do it as otherwise the kids get sooo much first thing in the morning and it’s just a frenzy of ripping paper and so much stuff that they don’t appreciate it as much as taking it in turns later in the day.
Stocking from Father Christmas in the morning only, it keeps the excitement going and then they have new things all over again in the afternoon.
My parents also used to keep a new board game back until Boxing Day so we could all play together,so many happy memories of this. ❤️
I guess times have changed when they want it all and want it now.

Wouldn't it spoil the surprise if you were to get them a bike or scooter? It's fairly obvious what they are. My 3 year old would open any presents under a tree if we were to put families presents there. I'd spend all Christmas morning telling her to leave them alone.

Reading this made me feel quite tense.
Please don't do it. The three year old won't be able to relax during your meal at all or enjoy it, knowing what's coming. This might translate into bad behaviour and everything that flows from that. Unfair and avoidable.

My daughter dated a man whose family had done it your way and when he came to spend Christmas with us and our normal wonderful chaos gifts all opened in the morning, he told my daughter that if they had children he wanted the chaotic fun. Christmas is about the children and expecting them to wait until after lunch for their presents just feels wrong.
Maybe just relax and enjoy the crazy fun.

This is the best way. YANBU.

Nah, stockings first upstairs, downstairs to open what Santa has brought then bacon buns and a good old breakfast before opening family presents from under the tree. Kids can play with their presents all day and show the family what they have received when they come round. Your version is cringe and cruel. I hate opening presents in front of the person who gave them to me. It makes me really uncomfortable and like to do that in private whilst the kids are playing with what they got.

Dhs family do it your way and even as an adult I find it a bit boring and sedate. Also annoying because if DH gifts me say a clothing item and I've already got dressed for the day I can't wear it on Xmas day

I like the chaos of Christmas, going round someone's house and the kids have all opened their presents and excitedly telling you what they got. I don't need to see my neices/nephews open every single present one by one. And I think some of the excitement of the meal is lost in the wait for presents. It just feels cold

Let kids open presents first thing. They get to play with the stuff over the day and are distracted while dinner is being cooked.

For those that let their children open everything all at the same time (regardless of what time of day that is) how do you know own who to thank for what? Do you trust small children to keep a list or do grandparents etc just get a general thank you for my present without being able to say what it is?

Well we will be enjoying our miserable Christmas just as have now for at least four generations. No aspiring to be middle class is involved. It works logistically, is our tradition and means people don't spend Christmas day asleep or watching TV. No child has ever felt miserable or controlled either.

We always did it this way too. We had such a large family that we definitely had to stagger present opening, otherwise no one knew who had bought them what! Santa presents (i.e. from us) first thing then family presents around the tree after lunch when all the grandparents could have the pleasure of seeing them opening presents.

Youre not alone!
I also like to spread the presents throughout the day, with dinner in between. It would be such an anti-clinax for the children if they opened everything first thing.

Your way is most similar to our way . Since I was a child we open stockings in bed all together , go down and open the one present from Father Christmas ( they are teens now so to old for that bit )then we open cards to each other with bfast and a couple of presents , we do rounds throughout the day taking it in turns youngest to oldest , we don’t eat our Christmas dinner til about 4 so most are opened before dinner and a few after but always taking it in turns in rounds . We do it this way even when just us and our kids and my children would be horrified to suggest they just rip them open they love spreading the fun out through the day . Even my daughter with learning disabilities loves it this way .
my husbands family the kids just ripped them all open at 6am when parents still in bed but he’s happy with my families way . You do need to find a compromise and agreement on this with him tho as there is no correct way.

You are being unreasonable

Not all ND children are the same, so I'm not sure why you're assuming they are!

My ND kids love wrapped presents. But they don't want surprise presents, they know what kind of thing they like and going 'off piste' is something they struggle to cope with (which is why everyone just gets Lego for DS now!).

We also do stockings on the bed (left outside the bedroom door, as neither child liked the idea of Santa going in their room as little kids), followed by the main presents. Family gifts opened when the family arrives. So there is more than one present opening moment.

So, yeah, this ND family doesn't conform to your idea of what we apparently should be doing! 🤷‍♀️

Op you haven't really explained what happens if you get your DC a bike or a playstation or something..... Is this opened in front of extended family (cousins etc.?) as I think that'd be odd as surely cousins will have probably already had their main presents and so would have forgotten watch your children opening their main presents? Can't get head around how that works!

Here we do:

• Morning first thing - open stockings from Santa in bedroom
• All pile downstairs and kids see main presents (from us to children) all laid in piles (exciting!) then kids dive straight into main presents.
• children playing with presents
• us showers, cooking etc.

• Grandparents and aunties and uncles and cousins arrive

• Christmas dinner

• big ol' family presents opening session - where kids open gifts from grandparents and aunties etc. and adults open their presents to eachother

• Christmas films/games etc..

This is how we always did Xmas when I was little and I do this with my kids too. It’s much better as they can open small presents in the morning and still have something to look forward to later on. Hated it when we did all presents in the morning one year.

Op you haven't really explained what happens if you get your DC a bike or a playstation or something..... Is this opened in front of extended family (cousins etc.?) as I think that'd be odd as surely cousins will have probably already had their main presents and so would have forgotten watch your children opening their main presents? Can't get head around how that works!
When DD got a bike a couple of years ago it wasn't under the tree, it was hidden under a blanket in another room and we took her to it when we were doing presents. Not sure why it makes a difference cousins being there. My DC have seen their cousins open more/bigger gifts than them. They've not really noticed.

Sorry not 'forgotten to watch' - 'would have to watch'

Stockings, Father Christmas presents and big present from Mum and Dad in the morning.

Other presents taken in turn after lunch.

As a child I loved the stretching out of the present receiving. And watching others open theirs. And the excitement and anticipation of waiting for my turn and wondering what it would be by holding and looking at it. Maybe I would have gotten equal joy from diving in in a frenzy, who knows, but our way certainly wasn’t miserable.

Also Team DH. Pretty shit to make the kids wait til god knows when to open presents.