Finances

[Flowerflowering]

Just wanted to vent a little and share my story…so, my husband and I have been struggling a lot financially. We don’t have any savings, our living costs keep increasing (our rent is super high) and our salaries are just not cutting it. After payday we’re often left with just enough for food and that often finishes very quickly so some months it can get very difficult and stressful. I sometimes rely on my mum and she often helps when she’s able to, but my husband usually finds it very difficult to ask for help. I’m not expecting him to be demanding hand-outs or something but I would just like him to use his initiative sometimes and ask close family members when we’re really struggling for basic essentials, instead of burying his head in the sand and behaving as though he’s oblivious to the fact that some days we run out of food and the fridge is almost empty. I’d also like to add that he’s got a large family and has some family members that are very well off - I’m not saying that means he should take advantage but I don’t see why he can’t ask them for help when it’s needed? We’ve got very young children as well, which causes additional stress. He’s very matter of fact and blasé about the situation and I don’t know whether this is just him being all “macho” about it and hiding his emotions as men sometimes do…but it’s started to upset me a little. I know there are options such as getting seconds jobs etc but our kids are still young and I wouldn’t want to always be out of the house and exhausted because I’m trying to make extra cash because my kids would ultimately be affected by this…but then again, even if I did, it would probably be for a short while perhaps. Just feeling a bit overwhelmed 🥲

I think people have been very judgmental, which I was expecting. Unless you’ve experienced what we have, it’s perhaps very easy to pass judgment, provide insincere advice and make assumptions about personality and character. But that’s expected.

We had about the same income although also had to cover childcare costs and I thought our mortgage was high at £1600. Some months we didn't manage in budget but we had savings we could use - it didn't get loads better once they started school due to cost of living crisis but a bit and we were lucky to progress a bit in our careers and start earning more. Still decided to downsize though to have more disposable income. It does sound like a good income but I can also understand how it can be tricky with high rent/mortgage and childcare but I think you must be able to budget and start to save so you can cover yourselves months with unexpected expenses (was often a car bill or house repair for us)

I don’t think it’s that her husband has self respect, he’s just absented himself from responsibility for the finances. If you can’t talk
about it that is taking zero responsibility.

That sounds tough OP. I think lots of younger folk who haven't bought a property have found themselves also in this trap. Paying high rent and unable to save for a deposit and thus stuck in the merry go round.

I believe rents have increased dramatically in the last few years too as landlords sell up and there are less property choices available.

I bought a house in 2019 (with parental help) and although I don't love the place I am at least glad not to be renting because I remember it well. The instability, not being able to decorate, living in fear of being asked to leave, rent increases that you had no control over.

Food has also gone up alot recently so that won't be helping you.

Would you mum lend you a deposit so you could buy somewhere? If you have decent salaries but not a deposit then this might get you out of the renting trap and into a bought house. From there you could start building equity. Even if you can only afford a small, cheap house it would allow you to get off the rent merry go round.

As for me I really want to move (for reasons I won't bore you with) but price of houses have also shot up in the last 5 years and the choice is dire. I know what I want to buy (small 1 or 2 bed detached bungalow). Trying to get your own house under offer and then find the right property to buy whilst not losing your buyer is so difficult these days. It makes me feel a bit trapped and that is depressing.

The only comfort I can offer you is my place was a dump when I moved in and I spent quite alot of money on it smartening it up but it is looking scruffy again which is quite depressing. I also had a really stressful time when I moved here and the thought of having to go through it all again fills me with horror. Tradesman are really expensive and that's if you can even find a good one in the first place.

I think housing causes alot of stress to alot of people in this country now.

I watched a great documentary on you tube called 'the housing crisis is the everything crisis'. It basically says when people are in unhappy housing situations it affect every area of their lives.

It really rang true.

I think you need to get a spreadsheet out and write out a list of all your outgoings.
How big is the place you are renting? And how much is the rent plus bills? How much is childcare? Do you and your partner work full time?

Please break it down as asking family and friends is not a long term solution.

Because it’s not their job to finance financially irresponsible relatives?

No

Stop taking handouts from your mother and balance your budget.

Stop taking on new debt. Live within your means. Over time repay the old debt.

So that you can stand on your own two feet.
So that you can retire early.
So that you can have nice things because you worked for them.
So that you can pay the mortgage off.
That was my point when I put money aside.
My point of saving was not so that relatives who built up debt could expect to be bailed out.

It's one thing to help out someone hit with an unexpected bill occasionally.

The OP has said they have accrued large debt that they have to prioritise over household bills. They have a healthy income of 4k pm - more than most I'd have thought!

Their rent is very high but she hasn't said why they haven't moved to something cheaper.

I may be wrong but the impression I get is that they've been trying to live a Champagne lifestyle on a Beer budget, and expecting richer relatives to bridge that financial gap.

I don’t think £4k is a healthy income in a 2 working adults household, not nowadays. If both are on high 20’s, that’s only a few thousand a year over minimum wage now.

Hardly bank breaking. It’s doable, but not high by any stretch.

I’d hazard a guess that most with enough to reliably save, are on more than £30k individually.

Though that is just a guess!

I don’t think £4k is a healthy income in a 2 working adults household, not nowadays.

Which shows how skewed MN is.

Of course it is. This is net, the OP has stated.

I know it's net and I still don't agree it's a healthy income for 2 full time working adults.

It really isn’t.

Rent alone can comfortably take up £1500 of that in some areas.

As someone who has lost a lot of money in the past to someone I tried to help I can see where you are coming from.
I am past pension age and have s very ,very low income but I manage. I wasn't always a good manager . I have been in considerable debt but took control of it ,eventually. I went for help to MSE and stepchange .

I would say that meal planning and not buying anything on a whim has been my biggest help. I.ve paid everything and am solvent now.

I would help someone with advice and support. I would help children .But casually expecting family to bale me out ,no. If it was a one off dire emergency yes.
I feel for your mum I really do. She has her own needs and responsibilities I'm sure. You seem to think family is a resource that it is normal to take for granted and that whether they are wealthy or not ,their money is for you to dip into.

their money is for you to dip into

Yes, I think it’s this sense of entitlement that is so rude. Their money is theirs, because they have worked hard, prioritised, saved, gone without, whatever. Nobody else has any entitlement to it because it’s not theirs.

Aren't you a bit embarrassed to say your are low income when you have £4k each month coming in?

I don't think op did say it was low income did she?

It sounds like you need to communicate more with your dh about finances and take another job if you need to tbh

Don't expect other people to bail you out for your life choices

So, what’s the point of having wealth if it’s not to help others?

Security, being able to buy nice things when you want it?

If anyone thinks that a joint income of circa 60k is high, I have a bridge to sell you.

The shaming on this thread is unreal.

OP - try cost saving measures and some proper planning before you consider a second job. Working yourself to death is not the way.

I understand this but even if you said it was £1500 in rent that still leaves £2500.

Even if you said the other household bills so wifi, water, gas & electric, TV package, council tax etc came to another £1000, that still leaves £1500 after paying all household bills.

It’s not enough to be on holiday twice a year or having weekly restaurant meals but it should absolutely be enough to put food on the table.

She said she might have to look at buying a house on schemes aimed at those on low income.

Are there cheaper rentals avaliable? Could you downsize?