Finances

[Flowerflowering]

Just wanted to vent a little and share my story…so, my husband and I have been struggling a lot financially. We don’t have any savings, our living costs keep increasing (our rent is super high) and our salaries are just not cutting it. After payday we’re often left with just enough for food and that often finishes very quickly so some months it can get very difficult and stressful. I sometimes rely on my mum and she often helps when she’s able to, but my husband usually finds it very difficult to ask for help. I’m not expecting him to be demanding hand-outs or something but I would just like him to use his initiative sometimes and ask close family members when we’re really struggling for basic essentials, instead of burying his head in the sand and behaving as though he’s oblivious to the fact that some days we run out of food and the fridge is almost empty. I’d also like to add that he’s got a large family and has some family members that are very well off - I’m not saying that means he should take advantage but I don’t see why he can’t ask them for help when it’s needed? We’ve got very young children as well, which causes additional stress. He’s very matter of fact and blasé about the situation and I don’t know whether this is just him being all “macho” about it and hiding his emotions as men sometimes do…but it’s started to upset me a little. I know there are options such as getting seconds jobs etc but our kids are still young and I wouldn’t want to always be out of the house and exhausted because I’m trying to make extra cash because my kids would ultimately be affected by this…but then again, even if I did, it would probably be for a short while perhaps. Just feeling a bit overwhelmed 🥲

What is your income? And outgoings?

I think that’s the most sensible thing to do. It’s hard times and lots of people have second jobs just to pay the bills .

My mum usually gives me money, she doesn’t lend it to me.

I’m not sure it’s worthwhile knowing? If OP is saying they’re struggling, it isn’t for us to look at their income and decide if they should be.

My income is relatively high, I also have a lot of outgoings and live just below those means. Any need to stretch, which has happened with things getting more expensive, leaves me at those means.

OP - when I was last in your position, I re-did my monthly budget and worked out areas that I either could impact now, or would be able to be decided in the short term future. May be worth sitting down and having a good look at it between you.

Second job would be absolute worst case scenario for me - I’m not sure how or where I’d find the energy/willpower!

I agree with others that you need a close look at finances, income and outgoings and try to make cuts. When you said you had young children I assumed nursery costs was the issue and was going to say it will be over soon so it’s a short term issue but as you have no childcare costs then this isn’t going to change anytime soon unless you make a change.

Honestly I’m not sure a second job is a long term plan, yes it would help with money each month for now but nobody can work 7 days a week long term, it’s just not feasible or doable, so I would say short term yes extra job to tide you over but in the meantime you need to be looking at your bills/spending and working out what you can cut or change.

My family could afford to help us if we were in your shoes but honestly I wouldn’t want to ask either, especially knowing that it would only be papering over the cracks and in a couple of months I’d need help again.

I agree with almost everyone else.

YABU.

The answer to this is you both going through all your expenditure with a fine toothcomb and seeing where you can cut back, or how you can increase your income, not expecting his family to prop you up. I was going to say to ensure you are getting any help you are entitled to, but you have said you are on a reasonably good income and don't qualify, so that makes the first suggestion even more crucial.

I personally don’t think there is enough regulation over levels of rent in the UK. Are you partly in this situation because your rent has increased?

I assume you used to have nursery costs and now you don't add they're in school? So where is that money going?
You need to make a spreadsheet and account for every penny
I would downsize before i took a second job

Can you make a list of all ingoing and outgoing spending?

We did this once and it was very eye opening..

Yes, when we first moved in, our rent was actually very reasonable and things were great. But now it’s very difficult.

I think that a good starting point is a budget.

Start with all income and then all regular expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, council tax, phones/internet, transport costs, any childcare - wrap around, school dinners etc). Once you have that figure out known annual expenses like insurance and MOT/service if you have a car, funds for clothing, repairs, replacing broken household products etc

What does that leave you per month/per week and is it reasonable to cover your shopping? If so think what optional things you need to stop to ensure you don’t run out of funds. If not review everything and see if anything is optional/could be cheaper.

If you know where you stand with your income and expenses it at least gives you a clear idea of whether it’s feasible to be more careful with money or if it’s just impossible to manage in your current home on your existing salary. It’s really rubbish and I very much sympathise with you but in the mid-long term even if your OH would ask family for help on occasion it wouldn’t really change anything

Ours is 4k too.

We allocate 2k to all direct debits (all bills), fuel, public transport and food.

We allocate 1k to "fun" so days out, eating out, take aways, short overnight stays etc

We allocate 1k to "savings" which we don't lock away but use for things like repairs to the house/car, family holiday, buying all gifts etc.

Just to give an idea on how someone on a similar income budgets.

Could you add up all your spending and see how it compares?

I’ve done this so many times. I even have a spreadsheet. I think it just boils down to our living costs being more than we can afford. The renting elsewhere may have to be an option or looking at government schemes for buying on a low income or something scratches head

Surely you can’t expect your husband’s family to just give you money as well?

I don’t think getting a second job in order to pay rent that’s too much for your incomes is a good or sustainable option.

It would make sense if it was your mortgage, and you’re slowing paying it off, and it will eventually go down. Your current rent will only stay the same, or more likely, go up.

I think you need to be realistic in just how big a change you need to make in order to: get your housing cost under control, be able to afford your basic needs, start to afford some small wants and also start saving.

I think this is a good question

I assume you used to have nursery costs and now you don't add they're in school? So where is that money going?

I mean, as you said earlier, a net income of £4K a month isn't too shabby at all.

I think it would help if you just said how much your rent was. You seem to hang a lot of this on the rent payment. In all likelihood it's the little bits and bobs bought in the month that add up and become the real shocker.

There's a financial planning sheet on money saving expert. It really helps you break down your spending. Also keep a spending notebook. This may help you find "invisible" spending, that pint of milk at the garage on the way home etc..

In hindsight, this is a bit selfish of me.

That’s a difficult situation to be in. And the thing is you could move but rent is high everywhere.

How much are your main outgoings? Your income isn’t bad at £4k and you don’t have high childcare bills so where is your money going?

I did leave out a vital piece of info which I think may be causing confusion. So, we have built up quite a bit of debt over the years since moving in😭😭😭

Expecting handouts of money is unreasonable.
Borrowing money just means you have less the next month which doesn’t help.

How much of the £4000 income are you spending on rent each month? How many bedrooms do you have,

Definitely. Most of us waste money on the little bits and bobs.