Finances

[Flowerflowering]

Just wanted to vent a little and share my story…so, my husband and I have been struggling a lot financially. We don’t have any savings, our living costs keep increasing (our rent is super high) and our salaries are just not cutting it. After payday we’re often left with just enough for food and that often finishes very quickly so some months it can get very difficult and stressful. I sometimes rely on my mum and she often helps when she’s able to, but my husband usually finds it very difficult to ask for help. I’m not expecting him to be demanding hand-outs or something but I would just like him to use his initiative sometimes and ask close family members when we’re really struggling for basic essentials, instead of burying his head in the sand and behaving as though he’s oblivious to the fact that some days we run out of food and the fridge is almost empty. I’d also like to add that he’s got a large family and has some family members that are very well off - I’m not saying that means he should take advantage but I don’t see why he can’t ask them for help when it’s needed? We’ve got very young children as well, which causes additional stress. He’s very matter of fact and blasé about the situation and I don’t know whether this is just him being all “macho” about it and hiding his emotions as men sometimes do…but it’s started to upset me a little. I know there are options such as getting seconds jobs etc but our kids are still young and I wouldn’t want to always be out of the house and exhausted because I’m trying to make extra cash because my kids would ultimately be affected by this…but then again, even if I did, it would probably be for a short while perhaps. Just feeling a bit overwhelmed 🥲

It sounds as if you have frequently needed financial help and have also built up quite a bit of debt. Your DH needs to discuss this seriously with you, to plan for the future, but handouts from family are not the answer. You need a sustainable solution, which means outgoings less than income, even in months with unexpected costs.

In essence - yes, that they need to look at their budget and see what can be done.

What I meant was that people who have higher incomes may not have more disposable income, because their means are being used to that level already, so knowing the exact figure wouldn’t help me in any way, or give me any insight into their circumstances beyond a random number.

OP, I think you need to re-read your posts and hopefully you might begin to gain some self-insight into how deeply engrained your sense of entitlement is.

How old are you - imagine asking your mum for regular handouts! Thank god your husband has some self-respect.

It's astonishing that you have decided that as some of his relatives are 'wealthy' (in your view) that they should bail you out. I can't understand your mentality here. So they bail you out one month - then what?

Obviously, you need to either move or spend within your means. Your debts and lifestyle choices are not your relatives problem fgs! Unbelievable.

We could all get in debt and then just point the finger at someone more 'wealthy' and just say 'What's the point of them working hard and saving money if it's not to help others (ie ME) out.?'

But, funnily enough, very few people actually think like this, do they?

Sorry if this is harsh, but you will never stand on your own feet as a family (financially) until your mindset and attitude shift. Thank god your DH thinks like an adult.

The thing is you could be inadvertently hurting your mum. For all you know she is struggling too and the money she gives you means she is going without.

As others have said, look at a more affordable place to rent, debt consolidation and a budget. It’s tough right now but you can do it.

My SIL does this to my MIL. She would say it’s no big deal but I know that my poor MIL has borrowed against her flat to support SIL and is really struggling.

Burying his head in the sand and letting OP go to mum when the fridge is bear and not doing anything else to solve the problem is not behaving like an adult

Bare

Who are you??!! OP with a name change fail or someone pretending to be her?

OP are you paying credit card bills each month as well as unsecured loans?

If the answer is yes and you are still struggling, then you can come to an arrangement with those companies to pay the bare minimum. You agree on what you can afford. Dont let them pressure you into paying more.
If you are in financial difficulty they are obliged to support you. They would rather you pay something than default and fall into permanent arrears.

If in doubt. Speak to citizens advice.

But I wouldn't recommend borrowing from family and friends. It's not a long term solution. It's better to be up front with your lenders if you are in difficulty or feel you are about to.

Nothing they just said they would bare in mind the impact they may be having on their mum

@OneQuaintLemonHare Nothing controversial, just a random ‘thank you all, I’ll consider my finances more carefully’ type post. What is the point?!! It’s been deleted (good) but why pretend to be OP? It happened on another thread the other day.

Why would someone do that? Surely it’s more likely to be op with a name change fail?

OP do you think these family members who are wealthy would help you by doing a loan to clear all your debt with 1 monthly payment that is affordable and would also allow you to save for a house deposit? My aunt did this for her nephew and niece a while ago and it worked well (except in their case it was a loan to be used as a house deposit) she is extremely wealthy and childless and wanted to help. Worth an ask if you think they'd be open to it.
Secondly your incomes are very low if you both work full time- can either of you re train or generally look for better paid jobs rather than second jobs?

How much debt are you in and how did it accrue? Who was spending more? Why isn’t your dh discussing this situation with you and just burying his head in the sand?

You need to make a budget and stick to it eg-

Rent 2k
Bills 700
Food 500
Petrol 300
Save 200
Extras 300

I reported it and MN confirmed the user had de-registered. But the thread is still here so probably a knobby impersonator! People be weird, eh. Anyway, back to the topic…

There is a credit forum on money saving expert where you put all your income, debt, and people come on and help you, make suggestions.
It's a mindset. For example you don't need a new shed for a lawnmower, if you have no money. Go on free things on local social media and see if there is some taupalan going spare. Etc

Also suggest YNAB to track spend.

It sounds like you need to clear debt, so use 0% money transfers and get it down.

Stop taking money from your mum. Rent somewhere cheaper. Sort your cvs out and move jobs.

so someone who has built wealth should help you because you have debts due to poor financial management..?
how about you help yourself first?

There’s an awful lot of judging here for people who have arrived in debt.

I think it’s worth remembering that people who are struggling financially know they’re not in a good position, and that they’re drowning in a mess of their own making. I don’t think it’s helpful to remind them.

OP - you don’t have to tell anyone the value of your debt, how you arrived in it or how much it costs to service it.

What’s important is the plan you make to get out of it, and how quickly you start doing it. Don’t let yourself live in the hole forever.

I think you’re getting a hard time OP.

I get what you’re saying, that you are able to swallow your pride and ask your family for help but your DH puts his pride above your family’s needs.

I don’t think you like asking for help, but you do it because the alternative is your kids going hungry.

Where are you in the country and how much rent are you paying?

Have you also thought about signing to a food bank?

Also, speak to a debt charity about your debt. Sometimes bankruptcy is the answer, two of my family members have done it.

@SleeplessInWherever posters are judging op’s wish that her dh would tap his rich relatives for a few hundred quid!
There have been plenty of supportive comments on budgeting, looking at moving debt and creating an additional income.

Do you hunt around on MN for threads you can trot out the ‘we worked hard for our money’ line?

Seriously, no one gives a shit what wealth you have or what you leave your kids. She’s not even talking to you. And everyone works hard for their money.

Read the room and leave OP alone.