Lasts too long in bed, get rid?

[jipor]

Been on a few of dates with a colleague. Not had sex yet, was internally planning on it.

When discussing sex a few days ago, he sort of pre warned me that he lasts notoriously long. Usually not far off an hour.

I know, men say this to show off. But he said it knowing that I was soon going to find out. Plus, it was prompted by me saying that sex over an hour is too long for me.

AIBU or is that a ridiculous amount of time? I don't want to be having sex for that long?! I feel like cutting it off already, before having to endure that.

When you said with a colleague and then no sex yet, my first thought was end any relationship. Even before his boasting or inadequacy or (I doubt) medical issue was mentioned.

And yet he quite happily shared the fact he takes an hour inside a woman to have an orgasm? This is not a timid man.

I love sex. Most people do. That doesn't mean the majority of women want an hour's worth of thrusting. That's uncomfortable at best, painful at worst. What woman needs that long to come?

Or it can be as some men do and my ex did have tantric sex where he delayed cumming. Weird either way.

Do you lot not like sex?

I fucking LOVE sex.

You do realise, don't you, that everyone has different sexual preferences? Personally, your description of your sex life basically made my fanny snap shut like a bulldog because while I'm sure you're having a lovely time, that's really not the kind of sex that lights my candle.

I still don't want an hour of non-stop penetration. I also don't want any use of the word 'sensual', any feathery stroking (copyright Marian Keyes), massage with scented oils, staring lovingly into each other's eyes, and anyone who calls it 'intimacy' or 'making love'. I prefer it down and dirty, personally.

Happy to spend an hour, or indeed longer, in bed. But I personally don't want an hour of 'exploring sensations' with someone who can't/won't come unless they clock up a solid hour of penetration, whether I love them or not. Great if that's your style, but it's not for me.

He needs an hour of thrusting to get his rocks off?

That surely indicates there's something wrong either physically or emotionally?

If you do decide to sleep with him - Take a good book.

It’s also really boring lying there, also wondering if you’re enough for him or did enough for him sexually.

Who has the same sort of sex with different people? He can't possibly know how sex between you will pan out... Sex with my dh is nothing like sex with exh....

@FKAT and there's always 60 of you on a thread , trying to find crass and silly ways to talk about "PIV" as a way of getting thumbs up from other Mumsnetters.

Honestly, @WrylyAmused it's not you it's them. You can't talk about sex in this place without everyone chiming in "ugh I wouldn't fancy THAT".

In the meantime, seven years in when their "DP" leaves for someone with an imagination, they can't see why or what happened...

😂
When my husband takes too long, I start planning my day, emitting a moan here and there to encourage him to finish faster.

That's hilarious! 😂

You think he doesn't know what's actually happening, and that you're faking? 😃

This place is hilarious

Whether they know that's what's happening or not, for a lot of men this works.

Bloody hell............I could do the ironing while I waited for him to finish if we shagged standing up!!

It's just an interesting mentality that "it works".. as in, to get them where they want to be.

What would be wrong with actually trying to connect with the person in front of you?

It's like a public competition on here for women to disassociate themselves from being emotionally involved in the act of sex

I swear I wish I could write an algorithm that would correlate the number of people who crack these kind of quips, with the number of posts in Divorce & Separation

is it nuts that as a woman, I actually like what I'm doing, that I'm assertive enough to get what I want, and I don't feel the need to talk about mental shopping lists or faking? Is that also ok on here?

This reminded me of the time my friend was sunbathing in her back garden, the neighbour upstairs started shouting at her husband telling him that “if she thought she was lying here dressed like a tart so that he could finish, he could have another think”.

Oh my god you're right you are soooo much better at sex than the rest of us. Congratulations.

Back in the real world, you can connect with someone fine and still want to hurry things along on occasion. May I suggest you get your head out of your arse.

If by 'having an inagination' you mean make appreciative noises while a man does whatever he wants and needs to do to enjoy himself, regardless of how boring the act, or how poorly executed; then I suspect most women would find it a blessed relief if he ever found another woman with the 'imagination' to tolerate him. And whatever men like to believe, vanishingly few would be able to trade in their partners for hot sex with another woman and all their fantasies delivered with a bow on top, so I don't think women need to worry too much on that score.

@jipor

OK, here's some TMI.

My exH didn't take an hour, but it wasn't far off. This was in the early '70s, I was young and had no 'prior experience' so had no idea this wasn't 'normal'. Foreplay was pretty short and didn't include an orgasm for me. Frankly, intercourse was unsatisfactory and was usually painful near the end. Needless to say, once I divorced him and started dating I was astounded at what I'd been missing!

So my advice is since you've only had a few dates, I'd politely end the relationship. I'd say it's probably easier to do that before you 'do the deed', than afterwards. Since he's a work colleague I'd probably give a reason other than his sexual performance. An old flame has resurfaced and you want to give it another go, possibly? Then that flame can fade away after a few weeks.

If you want to 'try before you decide to buy', go ahead. But I'd prepare to be disappointed. And for him to have 'negative feelings' since he'd know it was about his sexual performance.

No @5128gap that is not what I meant by "having an imagination".

It's painfully clear what I meant (being a sexual being, without apology) but I can see I'm in the wrong side of the forum, and that as a British middle-aged woman, I should stick my head right back into the 1950s and just pray it doesn't take too long.

Thanks again.

Presumably if you're not enjoying it at the time you say stop and that's that? There's no obligation to keep going until they 'finish' -as most men would agree!!!

This seems extensive but only you can decide whether it is worth finding out!

I remember someone once saying that good sex is like fresh calamari - hot and enjoyed in the moment.

I know there are people on here who have expressed surprise that an hour is too long. But it would be for me. And it sounds as though it isn’t a plus for the OP.

I would worry that I wasn’t attractive / sexy enough if it took him that long. Or that he was a fairly heavy cannabis user.

That sounds exhausting. I think my vagina would turn to rubber if I tried pumping a penis in it for an hour straight.