Aibu? it's not my responsibility to make sure teen DSD gets to school

[schoolpop]

Argument with me and H this morning...

He leaves for work around 7am, I leave around an hour later at roughly 8. We also have two young kids that I have to get dressed & rally into the car and drop off at nursery.

Husbands teenage DD is staying with us this week and I always feel like H just leaves her to me in the morning. He goes off to work and I'm the one left to make sure she's got up. I leave about 10 mins before she sets off walking to school.

This morning youngest was being particularly hard work and it got to about 10 to 8 and I hadn't heard DSD get up (usually she has an alarm). I knocked on and woke her up and said come on you'll be late, time to get up.

After 10 mins I went back and knocked again, I don't think she had actually got up the first time I knocked but did the 2nd time. She was obviously then in a rush and I was walking out the door.

Basically she was late for school this morning by about 10-15 mins (it's about a 20 min walk from our house).

Husband is saying when I knew she'd got up late I should have taken her in, I am saying it's not up to me to make sure his DD is in school on time, it's his job, he needs to ensure she's set her alarm and if needs be, wake her up when he leaves. I have enough on already, I did try and wake her up twice but I'm not fussing around a 15 year old in the morning as well as two young kids whilst he swans off to work.

Her school is not exactly on my way, I would have had to detour about 5- 10 mins, traffic dependant, to drop her off and had to drop our kids off too and get to my own job.

I appreciate it's shit being late but surely at some point there has to be some accountability for making sure you have your own alarm set and are up in time for school? Or at least get up when someone says "get up now you'll be late" At what age does it become DSD or her Dad at fault for being late, not me, her step mother who did try to get her up and had a tantruming 2 year old and 4 year old to deal with as well.

The DH is the parent in the house.

given that he's gone to work, no he's not

Exactly what I was thinking!

He's not left at midnight, you know. He was there until 7. He could have prepped breakfast for his daughter and taken her down to eat it.

A single parent friend of mine has a teenager who is difficult to wake up in the morning.

She wakes him before she leaves and then FaceTimes him when she gets to work (an hour later) to ensure he's ready and heading out the door; could your DH do this if his DD is unreliable?

It's definitely his problem to resolve; he needs to parent his child to get herself up in the morning, trust her to do it by herself and deal with the consequences if she doesn't, or oversee her physically getting up and out of the house (either in person or FaceTime).

you're delusional if you think a 15 year old will get up to eat breakfast at that time.
the DSD doesn't need to be treated like that just because OP doesn't like helping them

So DSD is old enough to not be taken down for breakfast but not old enough to get herself fo school?

DSD is a child.
treat children with compassion and understanding

My 15 yo does….at 6:30.

OP did, by waking her up for school.

Sounds like an excellent opportunity for a little Daddy/Daughter time. Let HIM haul her out of her pit in accordance with his timeline and take her out for VERY early breakfast (some places serve from 6am). Then her can drop her off at a breakfast club if there is one at her school and go on his merry commuting way. Teenagers can be raddled and difficult beasts and unfortunately you seem to be married to one as well as co-parenting one.

She is 15....how old does she need to be to start taking some responsibility for herself? Treating her as a poor little girl who is incapable of the simplest of things does her no favours in the long run.

So every single individual is the same? I don't think so. She is a teen who slept in once! And we wonder why you g people have attitudes when adults talk so disrespectfully of them.

Have you never slept in? Honestly the so called Christmas spirit is alive and well here 🤣🤣

It’s not a one off, OP says ‘I always feel like H just leaves her to me in the morning. He goes off to work and I'm the one left to make sure she's got up’

Classic move. Man whose relationship breaks down finds a new partner. Dumps the responsibility of DC from previous relationship on new woman and heads off to live his life (in this case, leaving for work without doing any parental duties) with minimal disruption.

given that she walks to school she clearly has already started taking responsibility and this wasn't stated to be a daily issue/fight/argument

not sure why everyone in this thread seems so against a step parent parenting a child in their care

She mentioned one sleep in let's keep it factual! Leaving her to her wasn't defined.

maybe op shouldn't have settled into a relationship with someone who has a child if they weren't open to being a step parent

good for you and your child.

I doubt this is the norm

She didn't mention 'one sleep in'. It stands to reason that if her DH leaves DSD to her every morning and OP is the one who has to make sure her DSD gets up then this going to keep happening again and again.

What incentive for DSD to be ready on time if she thinks her step-mum will give her a lift even if it makes her late for work?

Thank you. Yes, it happens, so definitely not “delusional”.

How old is she? DS10 gets himself up and ready for school every day as I leave for work before he gets up. It's not difficult!!

She is open to being a step-parent. But it's the parent's job to parent his dd, not OP's.

Yes, it’s a win-win for DSD if she can count on a lift when late….a few extra rounds on the snooze button, plus a ride in a warm, dry car in the winter weather. Definitely an incentive here.

Whether she’s a DSD or a DD doesn’t really matter here. She’s 15 and it’s on her to get herself up and off to school, she’s well old enough. Not the DSM problem, who in this case has enough on her plate.