If your adult child was going through a difficult time financially, would you help them out?

[Pekitothebunny]

So if your son or daughter expressed to you that times were difficult financially atm due to something such as job loss or a big expense that they’ve suddenly had to pay for in an emergency, would you give them money to help, if you were able to? Or would you see it as their own struggle to overcome and deal with themselves now that they are an adult?

I would help

Absolute rubbish
My parents brought us up exactly the same and one of us is much better at managing money than the other.

no question i would always help

Unforeseen hardship, yes. Job issue, unemployment, business collapse, burst pipe... no question.

Self-inflicted hardship, no. If they gambled it away, lost on the stock market, alcohol, drugs, pissed it away on holidays/cars and then realised they were broke, etc. hard no.

He's just bloody mean, isn't he. I'll never understand how some parents can be that way.

If I could I would, under most circumstances.

Not if the problem was caused by any addiction - that would just enable. (Don't think this would ever be an issue with DC but it has been a problem for other family members' adult DC so it makes me pause to think.

And not if they failed to look seriously for a job. But if they were working and COL was just too high, or had young or sick or SEN DC so couldn't work or got ill themselves or just had sudden horrendous unforeseen cost s- I'd hand over whatever I had.

I don't think poverty is character building. I think it is demoralising and grinds you down. I would have zero self respect if I was one of those wealthy pensioners who phone to regale their adult DC about their latest cruise or kitchen makeover while DC are knee deep in debt with no washing machine, a car that failed its MOT and haven't had a holiday in years.

My mum would not and did not help me, even though she could, in very similar circumstances. I would help my children in a heartbeat, particularly for reasons to do with health.

Yes but with a plan and with discussion especially if regular ie they not coping

I'd downsize the house if I had to.

My two are adults and I always help them. My DF helped me although my DM didn't. They will always be my DC and I couldn't see them struggle if I could help.

Utter horseshit. Op never once said that. You are projecting. Why is that?

Of course we would and have helped our adult DC out.

In a genuine emergency, of course. The only time I would question it is if the situation had somehow been brought on themselves eg lost job through own fault or struggling to pay the rent as they overstretched on car finance, etc.

Definitely yes

Why would you not help them!!!

I absolutely would help them and have
They have also helped me out as adults
I'm on disability benefits)

In a heartbeat. I’d pay for the whole private surgery too. I don’t care if you’d spent your last 1k on a cat. You otherwise sound financially sensible and it’s your health!

My dad is like yours- rich and mean. But he’s mean with love as well as money. I once asked him for a similar sum also for my health and he made me feel so shit. I knew I deserved better and so you do. I hold him at arms length now and it hurts a lot less. He can waffle on about his cash and holidays and fancy purchases but I remember the value of what matters.

In answer to the question in your OP, we’ve always taken the view that our money will go to our children when we die, so if they need financial help now, we gladly give it to them.
It appears that your father has never supported you financially or in any other way and I think you should send back his £200 loan. I don’t think you should cut off all contact, but next time he suggests meeting for a drink, tell him you’d prefer lunch or coffee instead.
I’m sorry about your health and fertility problems and wonder whether you can get advice about these aspects elsewhere on Mumsnet?

She says If DP could suddenly make more money to help me he absolutely would.. That’s not being useless, it’s not having any money. You can’t get blood out of a stone.

So how do you propose someone with no money magics some up? Only governments seem to have magic money trees.

OP, Nevermind a family member, I would loan a friend this money if it meant she could get surgery for endometriosis. It's a horrible illness and I'm sorry you're going through this.
You sound like a lovely, thoughtful and kind pet owner, ignore the people who can't believe you would spend that much. I understand.
I really hope you get your surgery soon. Take care

Maybe they haven’t got anything of any value to sell. Maybe he’s working all the hours God sends already. See, words are easy, aren’t they? 🙄