If your adult child was going through a difficult time financially, would you help them out?

[Pekitothebunny]

So if your son or daughter expressed to you that times were difficult financially atm due to something such as job loss or a big expense that they’ve suddenly had to pay for in an emergency, would you give them money to help, if you were able to? Or would you see it as their own struggle to overcome and deal with themselves now that they are an adult?

Your dad sounds like a horrible twat. But judging by some of the responses on here, he’s not alone!
Yes of course I would and in fact have paid in your scenario. I would also have paid for your bloody cat! You’d not run up debts by mainlining crack for Christ sake, your cat had an accident which wasn’t fully covered by insurance. I would have paid whatever wasn’t covered rather than see you skin yourself trying to pay it.

Yes I would and have, my parents helped us out because they were financially able to in similar circumstances.

I would help

I would absolutely help my child in this situation, unfortunately I'd struggle to do so. DC dad, my ex, earns a lot of money, I could see him acting like your dad here, it's selfish and shitty parenting, that's my ex all over. Kids asks me for things because they know their dad won't get them for them despite earning a lot and he always complains about not having money, to the point it started worrying our kids, yet can afford very expensive foreign holidays, several in a year. I wouldn't let my child suffer from health issues if I could afford to help, I'd go without to do so and I'd think most good parents would feel that way. I'm sorry your dads such self centred arse.

We’ve had to help DS out to the tune of about £1500 this year 😢 We’ve written off about £750 of it but he’s supposed to be paying back the rest of it. No idea if/when we’ll get it 🤷‍♀️ Fortunately we can afford it but it’s not really the point.

OP sounds very entitled. She's basically said that because he has a holiday booked he should pay for everything for her.

Well, no, not really. How could you possibly enjoy your holiday? Knowing that your child is in constant pain in £2000 could alleviate that?

I would and indeed have! One dd lost her job so helped her put by paying her rent for her for 4 months.
Other daughter got herself in a mess with credit card. Covered that for her.
That's exactly what parents are for IMHO

@MyPithyPoster it's not £2k though is it? The surgery can be anywhere from £5k to £20k.

I don’t think it would matter how much it is, but then I am of the opinion. You should give your children your money while you’re alive. There’s no point in hoarding it all until you’re dead and then suddenly they can start living their lives. I won’t be leaving any inheritance tax bills because they’ll be getting every penny before I go. Ideally, I’d like to die in Debt 🤣

I did, so did OP. She took out insurance.

And clearly OP's dad is of the opinion that he has worked hard and he would like to enjoy himself. Nothing wrong with that

OP I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. It sounds like your dad has largely been an absent father and hasn’t really been there in any way, even when he’s got the opportunity to practically/financially help he won’t. He is selfish and stingy IMO, and petty as hell even telling you to pay back drinks! I wouldn’t want a penny from him personally but I can understand your desperation too. I really hope you get your health sorted.

Seriously OP, give him his 200 quid back. Tell him it's not worth lending from him and you would rather do it another way.

You don't have to stay in contact with someone just because they were there at your conception. You don't have to make a big show of it, just stop. Be polite if he gets in touch but no more checking in and wave off any meetups for another time.

But she didn’t because insurance didn’t cover it all and she needed to use her credit card to cover the remainder. What if the additional cost was several thousands?
I presume her insurance premium will now go up.

I get that pets are likely family members and you would do anything for them but they cost huge amount of money even when they are well. The money spent on just having a pet could be saved and used for your own healthcare. If you can’t afford to pay for their care without borrowing money then I don’t think you should get a pet and this needs be factored into the lifetime of their care. The alternative is that the pet is rehomed, which must be hard all round.

Having said that, I couldn’t stand to watch my DCs struggle with their health/finances and would help them whenever I could. However, I would then expect my DC to show some sensible financial planning and not use me as a constant fall back (not saying that OP is doing this).

When I took out insurance, I thought 6k was enough. It was a genuine mistake that I thought 6k would be enough cover. The 6k is per illness/injury. So if something else happened to him that year, he would’ve been covered for that as well up to 6k. So I really just assumed this was a lot. I was hoping that the two injuries, the broken leg and broken pelvis would be considered for 6k each but as it’s from the same incident, it wasn’t. If the cost would’ve been even more than that then I’m not sure what I would’ve done, so it was a lesson and a wake up call to get even more insurance. My cat is now insured for 15k per year so that we can always afford their treatment as I agree with you and other posters that say you shouldn’t have a pet if you can’t afford their treatments. Sometimes unlucky things just happen in life and you find yourself in a situation that you thought you had planned for (but turns out it just wasn’t enough).

I'd offer to help and I have done so when DS's 1 roof leaked and needed replacing and when DS's 2 car engine broke and he needed a new car. I'd offer to help if they needed help but not necessarily if they wanted help to go on an expensive holiday for example.

Don't be so ridiculous. He left OP and her mum when she was a baby. He paid just £30 per month child maintenance. When she was 15, he got married in Italy and wouldn't pay for her travel to attend. Her grandparents had to pay it. When her dad was due to look after her, he just sent her to his parents. He has lent her £200 for her consultant visit and is already asking for it back.

He is the epitome of a deadbeat dad. She just give him the £200 back and never speak to him again.

It’s not that it was ever expected though, I didn’t ever think to myself “my dad will/should pay for it” it’s just that over the years I have often wondered why he hasn’t offered even a contribution to anything in my life. I genuinely wondered if this was normal or not, because I have nothing to compare him to. My mum raised me as a single parent, I never had a step dad, and my mum does not have a lot of money. So my reason for this post was to see how many parents out there would actually help their children out financially in times of need. Because I wanted to see the reasoning for why/why not. I am not even saying there’s a right or wrong answer. I’m just wondering if it’s normal to not want to help out your DC at all during difficult times I guess to try and understand a bit better, or know whether he really just doesn’t care that much? I guess the lack of offer towards my endo surgery made me feel like he doesn’t care that much about me. yes you’d think this has already been confirmed throughout my life but you know, sometimes you hold onto hope

Yes, if you are in a position to help your child then you should. You gave birth to them, part of the reason they are in the predicament they are in is down to you. You raised them, they learned their behaviours from you. If they've messed up, it's partly your fault.