To hate the groans and moans

[Disagreeable]

Dh is 45. I'm 37. Dh in the last 18 months is just endless noise. I'm lying in bed right now as he's just groaning to himself. Guttural groans. His sneezes are so loud they make my toddler cry or me jump out of my skin. After dinner he lies on the sofa and then sits up and let's out a series of burps, groans and clearing of his throat for what feels like a good minute or two. He eats so quickly he hiccups during the meal so loudly but keeps eating regardless

This is combined with him never leaving the house and talking to me about prices in Tesco and whether the tyres in the car are safe (he checks them before we drive anywhere), I feel like I'm living with an elderly man. Maybe that's rude about elderly men.

I think I have the ick. I mean the word ick gives me the ick.

I have asked him to stop burping at least and he said he'd stop in frotn of the kids but he hasn't. He said I'm uptight but the constant noises is really extreme. In writing this post he has grooooooannnned about 4 times.

(Yesterday evening he had some snot hanging from his nose and honestly I felt sick).

Tell him he can have the rest of his life off from you and the kids. He can play videogames and burp as much as he wants, far away from you. He probably won't make it further than to his parents due to his lack of work ethics but atleast he'll be out of your hair. Life can be hard enough, no need to feed the enemy at home, especially since he's way of saying thank you for working full time bringing home money and also do everything around the house come out as large burps because the manbaby needs to relax after all the gaming.

A lot of the behaviour from your DH you're describing is so familiar, OP. I had similar with the raging anger all the time when you didn't even know what you were supposed to have done. I agree with others, he wants out and is projecting. It's horrible, isn't it, you have my sympathy. Start making plans for finances, and hide important documents. Prepare for the worst, even if it probably won't escalate that much. Looks like you're going to split up - I'm sorry.

@Disagreeable Take his offer to sod off for Christmas. It sounds like a petulant ultumatum doesnt it? So you'll rally and do the "oh no don't, i want you here" schtick which gives him his power back.
They tend to sense when the end of tolerance for their behaviour is nigh, and TBH I think you've reached yours, rightly, and it's time to leave, permanently.

The kids will get to an age where they understand his comments, and that will go one of two ways - they'll understand that its abusive, and resent him for treating their mother like that, or they'll think its fair play and model their behaviour on his. Is that a happy childhood? I dont think so.

I think you and DC have long lives to live, and happy ones I hope - away from that sofa dwelling belching sneering schmuck.

Next time he says something angry, look him in the eye and say “you were right earlier. We should spend Christmas apart. You’re so angry and obviously angry with me that I expect we will both be happier if we spend the time separately.”

He can go now and take the kids to his mum’s on Boxing Day, which would give you some lovely peaceful time. Kids get two Christmas days. What’s not to like.

He sounds so much like my ex - an absolute man child. My ex used to do/say things like this to get attention. He knew I'd mentally checked out of the relationship and would say hurtful things to get a reaction. "Oh well if you're doing "that", I'm going to go and do "THIS"....just because he'd want me to give in, agree with him, and either NOT do what I had planned, or go along with HIS plans. Never happened. I cannot tell you how valuable the mental peace is that I have now

was just looking in the mirror & H just said to my 3 year old 'why does mummy look so old do you think?'

This nasty little prick is going to alienate you from your children if you hang around.That question was an open invite for your child to agree and to join in with his nasty comments. He’s not fit to be around them. You should really start to note his nasty comments to the children because he is emotionally abusing them when he’s inviting them to disrespect you.

What happened on the train was also abusive to your child, not just you.

@Disagreeable he is clearly a very unhappy man and only knows how to manage his unhappiness by basically trying to make you just as unhappy.

I'd be willing to bet that your lack of reaction about his "looking old" comment is what has enraged him because he was looking for a fight or at the very least to upset you. Your seeming indifference has robbed him of what little power he's trying to have over you.

I almost feel sorry for him, because I do think he needs some counselling and as I said above, he must be a very unhappy man. But that doesn't give him the right to treat you the way he does and to involve the children in it as well.

No jury of your peers would conviction you OP.

I am seething for you. He's a piece of sh**.

At least you’re not getting …ahem…..bottom burps 😆😂

Yep it’s quite baffling how mothers will keep raising their children in unpleasant or violent environments. I guess that’s why we have children growing into adults with similar learned behaviours.

@ForMellowWriter @handsdownthebest give the OP time. It’s Christmas next week, she has a full on job, two kids. She needs time to think about this and plan. Her life is not for your entertainment.

For me it’s one of the saddest aspects of MN. Reading on a daily basis that women think it’s acceptable for them and their children to be treated like that and inturn for men to think it’s ok to treat women and children in this way.
MN is a melting pot of behaviours.
I always live in hope that the women at some point find the strength and the support to leave.

entertainment” good grief
@ForMellowWriter

That’s how you’re treating it. She only started the thread last Sunday. It’s a slow realisation that not only is she married to a disgusting man but a nasty abusive one too. She needs time to process that.

Also @ForMellowWriter did you read what she said about her parents? It’s clear she’s married a man quite like her dad. All of this takes time for a person to unpick, not to mention on the run up to Christmas with two kids.

Hang on @ForMellowWriter @handsdownthebest

I do not think my current situation is acceptable. I'm fucking wrecked with guilt over it. Not guilt about "uprooting them". I don't give a shit about the house or losing friends or family gossip. But my H is an unpleasant shitty bloke who is getting increasingly irate and unpredictable and yet he presents as an upstanding bloke....he will go for 5050, and I need to get all the legal advice and funds so that if he loses his mind when I leave him that I can protect my kids. Family courts sure as fuck won't protect them. It is 3 days before Xmas, my kids are happy and excited and talking at 50mph about what santa is bringing them this year. I work full time, I pay for everything, and I'm a loving, safe and good mum. And I will sort it in 2025. For me. And for them. I'm not staying for the kids. I've stayed because I'm terrified of how risky and dysfunctional it might get when a depressed, angry man who has almost given up on life gets 50% of my kids time without me there to manage things.

So if you could back off and hold the judgment for one second that would be much appreciated.