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Original poster

To hate the groans and moans

674 replies

Disagreeable · 15/12/2024 23:10

Dh is 45. I'm 37. Dh in the last 18 months is just endless noise. I'm lying in bed right now as he's just groaning to himself. Guttural groans. His sneezes are so loud they make my toddler cry or me jump out of my skin. After dinner he lies on the sofa and then sits up and let's out a series of burps, groans and clearing of his throat for what feels like a good minute or two. He eats so quickly he hiccups during the meal so loudly but keeps eating regardless

This is combined with him never leaving the house and talking to me about prices in Tesco and whether the tyres in the car are safe (he checks them before we drive anywhere), I feel like I'm living with an elderly man. Maybe that's rude about elderly men.

I think I have the ick. I mean the word ick gives me the ick.

I have asked him to stop burping at least and he said he'd stop in frotn of the kids but he hasn't. He said I'm uptight but the constant noises is really extreme. In writing this post he has grooooooannnned about 4 times.

(Yesterday evening he had some snot hanging from his nose and honestly I felt sick).

OP posts:
NotParticularly · 15/12/2024 23:16

What is he groaning about? Is he in pain?

healthybychristmas · 15/12/2024 23:17

Oh God, how can you bear it?

Lammveg · 15/12/2024 23:18

Record him and play it back to him.

BigPorker · 15/12/2024 23:18

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HousedInMySoul · 15/12/2024 23:18

healthybychristmas · 15/12/2024 23:17

Oh God, how can you bear it?

She can't! Understandably 😬

sprigatito · 15/12/2024 23:19

We call them "dad noises". DH is making more and more of them as he gets older, along with all the usual dadl-griping about lights left on and milk not put back in the fridge. He's embracing his incipient old-fartiness and is a very good sport when we all rip the piss.

LetsNCagain · 15/12/2024 23:20

He knows you dislike the noises but he doesn't change. He doesn't respect you enough to make the effort, or else his health is that poor that he can't hold in a burp (which would really be quite extreme poor health).

Neveranynamesleft · 15/12/2024 23:20

I got the ick just reading that. Next time he starts groaning do it back to him and see how he likes it.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 23:22

Oh God he sounds horrific. Sorry @Disagreeable You have my deepest pity. If he isn't stopping these dreadful ways, I would be getting my ducks in a row tbh. I couldn't stay married to him. Not helpful sorry!

Original poster
Disagreeable · 15/12/2024 23:22

@BigPorker gutted indeed. The thing is DH is in good health. He's slim and is active. But he just makes these noises....it's more weird self pity noises tha. he's in pain. He must say he's tired 10 times a day. Or he's "coming down with something". He's so lazy in bed too these days.

But the groans. Holy cow. I wish I could describe them. Deep long groans as he lies on the sofa.

And the burps. Fuck the burps. He says he has to "feel comfortable".

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 15/12/2024 23:23

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🤣🤣 My DH is 17 years older than me and it's me who does the moaning when I try and get up or something 😜 I'm only 38😂

SybilTheSpy · 15/12/2024 23:23

I'm afraid I have no patience when it comes to people burping, throat clearing, hiccuping, snottering and gobbling.

Ace56 · 15/12/2024 23:25

Disagreeable · 15/12/2024 23:22

@BigPorker gutted indeed. The thing is DH is in good health. He's slim and is active. But he just makes these noises....it's more weird self pity noises tha. he's in pain. He must say he's tired 10 times a day. Or he's "coming down with something". He's so lazy in bed too these days.

But the groans. Holy cow. I wish I could describe them. Deep long groans as he lies on the sofa.

And the burps. Fuck the burps. He says he has to "feel comfortable".

Can you not tell him seriously to shut the fuck up? Like, make it known that you’re clearly very annoyed about this. Does he say why he groans when he’s just sitting on the sofa?

BigPorker · 15/12/2024 23:26

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Original poster
Disagreeable · 15/12/2024 23:27

sprigatito · 15/12/2024 23:19

We call them "dad noises". DH is making more and more of them as he gets older, along with all the usual dadl-griping about lights left on and milk not put back in the fridge. He's embracing his incipient old-fartiness and is a very good sport when we all rip the piss.

He doesn't like me taking the piss at all. I just look at him groaning on the sofa and then complaining to me about a door being left ajar, and I just think WTF is this man going ti be like in 30 years? 45 and he walks round the house with some sort of limp groaning to himself and muttering about something. I feel v different from him

OP posts:
LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 15/12/2024 23:27

Does he have the dressing gown of doom, and the slipper-shuffle of sadness, and the poorly-man voice too @Disagreeable ???

BigPorker · 15/12/2024 23:30

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EucalyptusAndPeppermint · 15/12/2024 23:31

Maybe if he didn’t wolf his food he wouldn’t be burping? I’d be digging a hole for him if he was my DH, I’d also be having firm word about his disgusting habits tbh.

Edited to add my vagina would have zipped itself shut by now, sex would be unthinkable with someone like this.

MarkingBad · 15/12/2024 23:31

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I agree.

I always said I noticed I couldn't get out of a chair without a noise (an oo or groan) once I got to 40.

I did cure myself of that thans to Mortimer and Whitehouse Gone Fishing. They had a Dr on and he said not to use the arms of the chair getting up to help retain balance and fitness. Within a week I could do it without thinking and the noise stopped.

The burp thing and the groans could be down to diet, being slim doesn't always equal healthy. And having a belch is healthier than keeping it in but it can be prevented in the first place with diet

Londoneye20 · 15/12/2024 23:32

Sounds revolting

MumOfOneAllAlone · 15/12/2024 23:32

Oh God op, your post made me laugh

I've recently started groaning whenever I have to move and I'm only 33. The other day i caught myself groaning as i lowered myself into my car, and i know my neighbours heard! I've got to stop! 😄

Can you just tell your husband it's fucking not sexy and he needs to get a grip???

TheDowagerCountessofPembroke · 15/12/2024 23:33

You say he doesn’t leave the house. What does he do for work? Also you say he’s fit, what exercise is he doing?

hereismydog · 15/12/2024 23:33

Is he pregnant?! I’m due in 4 days and my DP could probably write this about me 😂😂😂

Original poster
Disagreeable · 15/12/2024 23:34

@BigPorker he was asking me about our Tesco clubcard points when his nose was dripping, and honestly - death has never felt closer.

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