To hate the groans and moans

[Disagreeable]

Dh is 45. I'm 37. Dh in the last 18 months is just endless noise. I'm lying in bed right now as he's just groaning to himself. Guttural groans. His sneezes are so loud they make my toddler cry or me jump out of my skin. After dinner he lies on the sofa and then sits up and let's out a series of burps, groans and clearing of his throat for what feels like a good minute or two. He eats so quickly he hiccups during the meal so loudly but keeps eating regardless

This is combined with him never leaving the house and talking to me about prices in Tesco and whether the tyres in the car are safe (he checks them before we drive anywhere), I feel like I'm living with an elderly man. Maybe that's rude about elderly men.

I think I have the ick. I mean the word ick gives me the ick.

I have asked him to stop burping at least and he said he'd stop in frotn of the kids but he hasn't. He said I'm uptight but the constant noises is really extreme. In writing this post he has grooooooannnned about 4 times.

(Yesterday evening he had some snot hanging from his nose and honestly I felt sick).

No I agree, it needs sorting. But it sounds as though it hasn’t occurred to him ( or to op) he needs the help. If he were posting then, yes, absolutely I’d be telling him to sort himself a gp appointment; but as it’s op posting I’m telling her.

… and the comment about menopausal women was to the poster saying this is why she goes for younger men. The implication was clearly that age-related issues make people unappealing.

I think so.

😂"snottering and gobbling" sounds so Shakespearian, I'm picturing OP's DH in hey nonny nonny tights, a neck ruff and a frilly doublet!

My DH started "performative yawning". I think it's an aural version of man-spreading.
He stopped after I matched him yawn-for-yawn, and he realised how absurd it was.
I also told him that his use of the word "stinky" in relation to his laundry ("I will wash my stinky gym kit today") was giving me the ick and he has made an effort to stop saying it since.
We love each other so we make an effort to address and resolve issues that arise between us.
You need to tell him how it's making you feel OP, suggest doctors check out any gastrointestinal issues, and if he refuses to seek help but continues to do what he knows affects your quality of life, you will know where you stand with him.

Thank you for making me laugh, OP. I got up feeling very depressed this morning, but the funny way you worded your posts actually made me laugh out loud!

I do sympathise though, your DH sounds very annoying. I agree with other posters that he should get himself checked out by a doctor to make sure there isn’t anything physically wrong with him, but if his GP says he’s fine, then I would give him a proper talking to and let him know how his behaviour makes you feel!

Just one suggestion regarding his stomach issues – a few years ago I began experiencing extreme discomfort after eating, and would need to lie down to relieve the pain. This went on for some time, but then I took some Biokult probiotics for a few weeks, and that completely got rid of the problem. Perhaps you could get him to try a course of probiotics?

My 44 year old complains like an old man all the time (sorry old men) and constantly thinks he’s coming down with something/something‘s not quite right. He doesn’t groan and burp though. I now realise this is the next stage and I’m afraid.
I mean I’m 51 and ache constantly, but I don’t make noises! This is going to be bad.

OP that all sounds unbearably grim.

Have the burps always been a thing?! If not insist he goes to the GP. Same the for aches and moans and groans.

I'd be in danger of murderous rage living with what you've described. 🤢😱😡 It's also awful for your child from the sounds of it too which would really upset me.

I think you need to sit him down seriously and tell him you can't go on with it all, he needs a health check (and an groany old man attitude check given he's NOT even old and has no excuse).

Grim. I'd be giving this a date in my mind to recheck things and if he didn't care about me and child enough to make changes I'd be out.

Tell him straight up, that’s disgusting. And it’s indicative that he isn’t eating properly- he isn’t chewing enough or he’s gobbling- and that will cause problems for him down the line (literally).

I think it’s ok to say when partner is being disgusting, and this is rude and disrespectful to you and the kids as well as disgusting.

I does sound like you are living with a caveman! You could point out that his actions are not sending out the right messages to the children and they might begin to think it's ok to behave like that?
Also, do insist that he sneezes into a handkerchief or tissue - sneezing in the way you described in the OP will absolutely spread any germs he is harbouring in his respiratory system which is most unpleasant.
And finally, as for the burping, why not encourage him to see his GP if you think this is excessive? He could have a gastro-intestinal problem.

You write with hatred. I make old age noises as I get up out of the chair.

The dirty pig, I couldn’t live with the burping, to me it’s worse than farting, it’s so rude, he should absolutely be able to hold them in. DH does what I call ‘performative yawning’ like really loud exaggerated yawns it’s like attention seeking, everyone look how tired I am 🙄 and I think I would find groaning equally annoying it’s like they’re wanting you to say oooh what’s wrong are you ok. Just stop it!!

Tell him to book a doctors appointment. He could clearly benefit from some reflux meds and maybe he's low on testosterone which would explain the tiredness /aches.

I have always had a rule no farts/poos/burps in front of each other (unless ill or an accidental one slips out) it's so unattractive

OP you’re really making me laugh I’m sorry 😂😂😂😂

You have a beautiful way with words 🤣

There is quite a derisory tone op …

It sounds like he could be unwell. I would get him to go to the GP. The fact he complains of being tired all the time is a red flag. He may be groaning because he is in pain and he might have some stomach issues or pain causing him to burp....esp if he was not always like this. Get him to the GP. Have some compassion and if he is just being lazy and gross...then you could tell him to stop or you will leave.

@Disagreeable Where are you? Sounds like we are married to the same man but I can’t see you in the house,

They say it all the time and worse. No, it doesn't go down well on a site mostly used by women. They still say it all the time and will often create an account on here purely to say it and stuff like it.

What is with the army of people who expect a forum populated mostly by women to be the Old Bailey of the Internet?

Do I take it you’re suggesting tit for tat ( ie; stooping) then?

A marriage can survive a decline of sexual attraction, but not the loss of mutual love and respect. Sounds like you've crossed that line OP.

It sounds very attention - seeking tbh.

Yes revolting. My husband is a burper but he does have the good grace to apologise. My grandma would stand up from the sofa, fart and then say manners and sit down. Is Wtf?

Is he healthy? Very overweight? Massively unfit? That does sound excessive. I would want him to get his health checked out.

Edited - sorry just saw your reply and you have covered this.

Well no I’d be even more pissed off with him being so dim that he wasn’t even able to pick up the phone and make an appointment with the gp.

He's 45 it doesn't matter if he's older then her... he's still only 45!!