To hate the groans and moans

[Disagreeable]

Dh is 45. I'm 37. Dh in the last 18 months is just endless noise. I'm lying in bed right now as he's just groaning to himself. Guttural groans. His sneezes are so loud they make my toddler cry or me jump out of my skin. After dinner he lies on the sofa and then sits up and let's out a series of burps, groans and clearing of his throat for what feels like a good minute or two. He eats so quickly he hiccups during the meal so loudly but keeps eating regardless

This is combined with him never leaving the house and talking to me about prices in Tesco and whether the tyres in the car are safe (he checks them before we drive anywhere), I feel like I'm living with an elderly man. Maybe that's rude about elderly men.

I think I have the ick. I mean the word ick gives me the ick.

I have asked him to stop burping at least and he said he'd stop in frotn of the kids but he hasn't. He said I'm uptight but the constant noises is really extreme. In writing this post he has grooooooannnned about 4 times.

(Yesterday evening he had some snot hanging from his nose and honestly I felt sick).

Well on the plus side, you can leave him at home with the kids and the chores while you go out and live your best life!

The rushing food, lying down, leaning over to burp after-dinner ritual is not normal or healthy. (Shitty parental example too). I'd be insisting on eating together as a family, a modest amount, of healthy food, slowly, while enjoying each other's company. If he's still got disordered digestion after a few weeks of that, he needs to see the GP.

Taken all together though, I hate it when people feel entitled to inflict their most loutish, slobbish self on their families. They're asking to be left.

Well a Pride and Prejudice sequel might address this stage of their lives … I can well imagine a flatulent Mr Bingley.

Then he needs to be self aware enough to make a doctors appointment just as a woman would do

Bet OP suggests a doctors appointment and he says no or a million excuses why not to go

Yes and the need to quickly lie down after dinner while groaning every minute and having to lean forward head down to belch does not sound at all like a choice.

Plus he is reporting severe fatigue.

Plus he has no sex drive.

Plus he is avoiding leaving the house.

“Then he needs to be self aware enough to make a doctors appointment just as a woman would do”

Well with someone so sympathetic as OP who just sits there disgusted and tells him his belching is unacceptable, I imagine he may fear a similar reception at the GP.

”Bet OP suggests a doctors appointment and he says no or a million excuses why not to go”

Yes, we socialise men to put up and shut up when it comes to their health, it is a well studied phenomenon that contributes to their shorter life expectancy.

This is so horrible all round. Please, please leave him OP. It's not his habits, you probably just have contempt for him and this is how it's expressing itself. How can I tell? Because you come on the internet and post this about him. This isn't a "poor guy" post, he sounds gross - but the thought of you two together, growing old together, both in your quite misery but too afraid of being alone to leave each other - that's hell.
If it turns out to be gut cancer and does him in, would you give a shit? It's so depressing that you're both in this horrible relationship.

He could be my DH’s twin. God, the noises and shuffling/limping about (he walks normally when he doesn’t realise any of us are watching). The weekly offers in our local Spar and his BP reward points…. And a new one - announcing to me when he is going to have his shower and asking if he should recycle the towels or pop them in the wash. Thank god for separate bedrooms 🙏

I’d be giving him the stink-eye and saying ‘if this is what you’re like at 45, please don’t tell me I’ve another forty years of this. Now get yourself a bottle of Gaviscon, and if you’re really poorly, you need a GP’s appointment.’

If it turns out to be gut cancer and does him in, would you give a shit?

Good question. I was wondering the same thing but didn’t have the guts to ask it.

Does he have reflux?

I thing I'd adopt a 'match his energy' strategy, it's the only way he'll understand why you dont like it (imo).

Send him to the gp. Get him tested for h. Pylori

It's beyond depressing that people like OP and her DH live like this. I would neck myself.

this is just the beginning......

DH taking himself away from the table because he's finished while the rest of the family are still eating really bothers me. I'm old enough to have it ingrained that nobody starts until everyone is seated, and no-one leaves until everyone has finished. Or, if adults are lingering over cheese, fruit, wine, and boring grownup talk, then children can get on with the dishes, homework, playing, but only if they ask to be excused with the magical sing-song phrase pleasemayileavethetable,thankyou. I'm out of date though! I've no idea what is normal nowadays. Maybe sitting down together in the first place is already a huge gold star?

All of these things are involuntary. You can't control sneezing and hiccuping, and you shouldn't really stop burping or passing wind, however I suppose you can be more discreet about some of them. I'm 43 and I groan sometimes. Don't worry OP, it'll come to you 🤣

God, im sitting here reading your post cackling away like a witch. Definitely an empathetic cackle, i can assure you!!
I thought it was just me that had this Misophonic-level of intolerance. 🙄

I share my house with my friend. Known him 30 years. We are besties - but honestly some of his habits really drive me round the bend.

He too sneezes very loudly. Really jarring, and no bloody need for it. He makes a horrible "urrgh" sound whenever he yawns, which has caused me threaten to stick him on the nearest farm several times!

Other delights include: noisily slurping his cup of tea - arrrggghhh!
Scuffing his slippers along the carpet. Why on earth can't he pick his feet up and walk properly. Grrrr....
Eating dinner - where he feels the need to dissect everything on his plate, move it around slowly, rearrange it all before actually putting anything (slowly) in his mouth.

Im 50, he's 64. Cant recall him doing these things when we first met - or maybe i was way more tolerant back in '94.

Oh well. He'd do anything for me and my kids though, so shouldn't complain.

There was a recent hilarious thread about things that make your fango cringe. The aforementioned certainly do. 🤣😂

Would you let your friend see this post? If not, well you're not really friends are you?

It sounds to me like he could be I'll as well. Maybe an ulcer?

The snot thing is gross but it can happen to anyone as a one off. I imagine everyone as an adult at some point has had a misplaced booger.

You say he doesn't leave the house, OP
Does he work? If so, how does he behave there?
How does he behave if you have visitors?

Well, he sounds delightful!

I got the Ick just reading that 🤢

He sounds like he's acting like Peter griffin or homer Simpson. But without the humour or dynamism.
Are these awful noises new? I'm not sure if he's changed a lot, or you are only now noticing. But sooner or later it'll be unbearable to even view him as a sexual being. You'll just look and see a snuffling, drooling rhinoceros with bronchial disease. 🤣
Better think about saying sayonara.

This whole thread is giving me the ick. It’s the pink pill femcel counterpart to incels contemptuously mocking menopausal women for suffering symptoms they cannot control because it makes them less youthfully sexy.

Of course.