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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ainu to not want to buy step kids Christmas present

465 replies

Mamana127 · 15/12/2024 11:51

I have two step daughters one if now 27 and the other one 25 I have known them for 13 years and each Christmas ever since I met them i have bought them presents, nice girly things which they love.
They are now working with really good jobs one earning 150k a year and another 70k. They have been working for over 3 years now. But I have never received even a slicked Carrot from them. They buy their dad presents and nothing for me and my kids. During their birthdays my kids make them crafts and I buy them presents but I’ve never received any for my birthday either or the kids birthday either.
This year while wrapping presents my husband asked me where their presents were? I said I’m not buying them any as they have never got me anything not even a Christmas card. He got really mad and said I’m older I should behave better and two wrongs don’t make a right.
I asked him if he has ever asked them why they don’t buy me anything he said they are old enough to make their minds. Ok and I’m not old enough to make my mind?
when we go on holiday I buy them stuff and they sometimes accept or reject that they don’t like, it I spoke to my MIL about this and she said to me they to stop trying to buy them that they don’t like you.
i have never done anything to these beautiful girls, I met their dad way after he had split frozen their mum and had been in other relationship before me.
I haven’t been trying to buy their love I’ve just been trying to be nice to them. So this year I decided to heed my MIL’s advice, and it blew up into a big argument between me and DH. Mind you DH gets them gifts too so I suggested he writes that it’s from both of us and refused. I’m I right or I’m I being petty.
I mean having to take that decision was hard for my heart but I felt I needed to do it.

OP posts:
JC03745 · 15/12/2024 12:45

My DH has 2 step parents. Each couple buy us gifts- from both of them, together. He doesn't get separate things from step mum and his dad, step dad and also his mum! That is bonkers to even consider that is the norm.

I'm surprised this hasn't come up before. You husband sounds like a dick IMO!

LPOG · 15/12/2024 12:46

Your DH needs to write from both of you, or accept that you ain't getting them anything. Well done you.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/12/2024 12:48

You very much have the classic DH problem here!

Shinyandnew1 · 15/12/2024 12:52

I spoke to my MIL about this and she said to me they to stop trying to buy them that they don’t like you.

She said that they don’t like you?!

CatsBeCrazy · 15/12/2024 12:57

This is so sad OP . My own DP gets upset and angry that his kids don't bother with my birthdays (1 out of 3 of his kids buy for me at Christmas) in the 21 years I have been with him when we always bother with their Mrs , but I've always told him not to say anything but atleast he does see it as rude .
Honestly don't bother , he can buy his rude kids presents instead

Imbusytodaysorry · 15/12/2024 13:00

@Mamana127 Apple doesn’t fall far here does it OP
Mil to dh to step kids

They all sound the same. Dh and kids entitied

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/12/2024 13:00

Their dad is a nasty piece of work who treats you like crap so you can see why they’ve turned out the way they have. Of course YANBU.

LondonWeeknd · 15/12/2024 13:03

Namerequired · 15/12/2024 12:04

They aren’t little kids you don’t need to buy them anything. You should have a reciprocal adult relationship or no relationship. Your dh is the one in the wrong. He's right they are old enough to decide what relationship they want, but so are you. The “you are the older one” is irrelevant at their ages, yous are all adults.

This is perfect. I have similar issue with my SC - and this will be my message to them.

Itsallgoingtopot · 15/12/2024 13:04

YANBU

They are very rude not to reciprocate gifts

In our house DP buys presents for his adult kids from both of us and I do likewise with my kids. It seems weird for your DH to exclude you and bonkers for him to not pull them up on not getting you girls.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 15/12/2024 13:04

Seems like you are tied to a bunch of cunts...
Cut those strings in 2025 op.

Floralnomad · 15/12/2024 13:05

You have a husband problem as well as a stepchild problem and if he can’t see your POV he must be very very dense , not an attractive feature .

Justsayit123 · 15/12/2024 13:06

They are rude to not give gifts, even to your kids. A token box of chocs wouldn’t hurt. You’re dh is a dick for not pressing this sooner. So no, do NOT buy them a gift. Yanbu

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 15/12/2024 13:06

Can you just contact the step dc and say that you were thinking of reducing material stuff so you were thinking that perhaps this year you will just give presents to the under 18yr dc in the family unless they particularly want to continue exchanging gifts in which case you will send over your christmas list. You can therefore ignore that they never actually exchange gifts but draw a line in the sand going forward. They might not even realise that it is coming from your finances rather than your dh.

Motnight · 15/12/2024 13:08

Imbusytodaysorry · 15/12/2024 13:00

@Mamana127 Apple doesn’t fall far here does it OP
Mil to dh to step kids

They all sound the same. Dh and kids entitied

I think that the mother in law gave good advice - stop buying for them. Or have I read it wrong?

asthecrowdwaschantingmore · 15/12/2024 13:12

Your DH is an arse for not pulling his daughters up on their thoughtlessness years ago.

Stand firm.

Naturanest · 15/12/2024 13:13

YANBU! I don't understand why your DH doesn't put your name on the gifts he buys for them - that's what he should be doing/have done since you became their SM.

Don't get them anything - stick to your guns. And if they ask tell them the presents from DH are from you both.

Fleamaker · 15/12/2024 13:13

Does your DH buy separate presents, just from him, to your children?

Naddd · 15/12/2024 13:14

Mamana127 · 15/12/2024 11:51

I have two step daughters one if now 27 and the other one 25 I have known them for 13 years and each Christmas ever since I met them i have bought them presents, nice girly things which they love.
They are now working with really good jobs one earning 150k a year and another 70k. They have been working for over 3 years now. But I have never received even a slicked Carrot from them. They buy their dad presents and nothing for me and my kids. During their birthdays my kids make them crafts and I buy them presents but I’ve never received any for my birthday either or the kids birthday either.
This year while wrapping presents my husband asked me where their presents were? I said I’m not buying them any as they have never got me anything not even a Christmas card. He got really mad and said I’m older I should behave better and two wrongs don’t make a right.
I asked him if he has ever asked them why they don’t buy me anything he said they are old enough to make their minds. Ok and I’m not old enough to make my mind?
when we go on holiday I buy them stuff and they sometimes accept or reject that they don’t like, it I spoke to my MIL about this and she said to me they to stop trying to buy them that they don’t like you.
i have never done anything to these beautiful girls, I met their dad way after he had split frozen their mum and had been in other relationship before me.
I haven’t been trying to buy their love I’ve just been trying to be nice to them. So this year I decided to heed my MIL’s advice, and it blew up into a big argument between me and DH. Mind you DH gets them gifts too so I suggested he writes that it’s from both of us and refused. I’m I right or I’m I being petty.
I mean having to take that decision was hard for my heart but I felt I needed to do it.

Let's say he's right and you're older than them and should know better then doesn't it also follow that they are older than your children and should know better?
Or does that only apply to you?
I wouldn't get them anything excluding you is bad enough but your kids, their siblings? No just no

LePetitMaman · 15/12/2024 13:18

I would ignore they didn't buy for me...if they were buying for my children.

But for your children to make them gifts, and them as adults not even bother to give those children a Christmas present back?

Vile. And it's thanks to their rude, greedy vile father.

I'd not be able to remain married to that.

Imbusytodaysorry · 15/12/2024 13:19

Motnight · 15/12/2024 13:08

I think that the mother in law gave good advice - stop buying for them. Or have I read it wrong?

Show quote history

Im unsure her motives tbh.

Did she know her son wouldn’t like that outcome as it’s caused problems ?

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/12/2024 13:19

Why on earth are ‘his’ presents not from both of you? You know, like normal couples. This should always have been the case. If I got separate presents from my dad and step mum I would be taken aback and assume their marriage was in trouble. Oh, wait..
(ps he doesn’t sound nice, and neither do they - I’d be reflecting on this over the festive holiday and thinking about how you want your 2025 to look op..)

Superhansrantowindsor · 15/12/2024 13:21

Yanbu but why can’t your name go on the tag from your DH. My mum and step dad put both names on the tag and they aren’t married and didn’t get together until I was in my 40’s.

burntheleaves · 15/12/2024 13:22

You are older???? So fully grown ass adult women are not responsible for gifting? But they are old enough for him not to ask them why they don't buy you anything? And although they are older they don't get your younger dc anything.
Okay

He's sounds like a dick. What redeeming qualities does he have.

Londoneye20 · 15/12/2024 13:23

Slicked carrot tho🫢

OhMaria2 · 15/12/2024 13:23

Why are you accepting being 2nd best in your own life?