Ainu to not want to buy step kids Christmas present

[Mamana127]

I have two step daughters one if now 27 and the other one 25 I have known them for 13 years and each Christmas ever since I met them i have bought them presents, nice girly things which they love.
They are now working with really good jobs one earning 150k a year and another 70k. They have been working for over 3 years now. But I have never received even a slicked Carrot from them. They buy their dad presents and nothing for me and my kids. During their birthdays my kids make them crafts and I buy them presents but I’ve never received any for my birthday either or the kids birthday either.
This year while wrapping presents my husband asked me where their presents were? I said I’m not buying them any as they have never got me anything not even a Christmas card. He got really mad and said I’m older I should behave better and two wrongs don’t make a right.
I asked him if he has ever asked them why they don’t buy me anything he said they are old enough to make their minds. Ok and I’m not old enough to make my mind?
when we go on holiday I buy them stuff and they sometimes accept or reject that they don’t like, it I spoke to my MIL about this and she said to me they to stop trying to buy them that they don’t like you.
i have never done anything to these beautiful girls, I met their dad way after he had split frozen their mum and had been in other relationship before me.
I haven’t been trying to buy their love I’ve just been trying to be nice to them. So this year I decided to heed my MIL’s advice, and it blew up into a big argument between me and DH. Mind you DH gets them gifts too so I suggested he writes that it’s from both of us and refused. I’m I right or I’m I being petty.
I mean having to take that decision was hard for my heart but I felt I needed to do it.

Yup. My husband reckoned that that was how his ex got the location of our honeymoon hotel: his adult son was his Best Man, and he'd told him about the arrangements, resulting in the ex trying to gatecrash our honeymoon.

I really feel for you OP and in your shoes I think I’d do the same. At the age your step-kids are at they should buy you something, even a token.

Take screenshots of everything - if he’s messaging you on WhatsApp he can otherwise delete them (and with it your evidence!)
Email the screenshots and any other relevant evidence to yourself. Keep them in a separate folder. Might be worth creating a separate email address altogether in case he has access to your current one.

This. Many devices save passwords. If he has access to a device that you have used, he may be reading everything you post / email. He may also have access to any documents you save (via cloud storage if you have it).

You need to change every password you have.

Also, I totally agree about screenshots / saving his messages to provide to your solicitor.

You supported him when he lived with you. You sold your home. You still pay 50/50 and do all the fucking care. He still has “custody” of his wife and terrible daughters who are horrible to your kids, so they can’t be around them. I would start at demanding how much care you provide now - probably 100% because I very much doubt he does any.

I am saving and screen shooting everything. How do I delete this post? We have general PC at home and notifications from mumsnet go to my email which is password protected but knowing myself, I probably didn’t log out the last time I used it. I’ve logged out of all my email devices though from here.

I don’t know how to delete but before you go I just want to wish you the best of luck navigating this. I am sad for you that this has happened but I am so pleased that your eyes have finally been opened to what has been happening. Go get everything you are entitled to for you and your child!!!!!! Best of luck starting a new life without that selfish POS!!!!!

💪🏻

@Mamana127 email mumsnet hq and ask them to delete because you feel it’s likely you will be identified . Best wishes moving forward .

Message Mumsnet on the site issues thread @Mamana127 I think that’s a wise choice. Best of luck. Harden your heart, don’t be swayed. Set up a new MN identity and come back for more support with a new email address that can’t be traced back to you old one and don’t reference your old user name either. (Also in your new threads, ask other posters not to mention your old username.)

In my experience as a family law paralegal, by far and away the mosr common reason for divorces getting nasty over finances is because the weaker financial party doesn't like the idea of working full time and supporting themselves and tries it on. In the old days they had a 50/50 chance of becoming a court sanctioned scrounger, guaranteeing little more than further litigation. Nowadays, there are a few judges out there who can be manipulated but it's much less likely. Still plenty of solicitors happy to take a client's cash to try though!

I have a stepdad and my dad has a partner. I don't get sole gifts from either (though my mum only recently married and my stepdad got me a lovely necklace with a very cute message about me being his 'bonus daughter') but I get Christmas gifts from them both together, just as my DH and I gift to our parents from both of us.
They do sound quite rude and entitled and your DH needs to wise up. Is he not putting effort into what to get them because he knows you always get them something good? Also horrible they don't buy you anything for Christmases or birthdays.

Stay strong op, I admire the strength you've found. Don't be swayed by him or anyone, make sure you and your child are properly taken care for just as he's continued to do for his ex and adult children. I honestly can't believe he's still bankrolling her and buying her groceries

Wow

Please update us once you've come to a conclusion?
Personally, I think you've been totally and utterly taken advantage of, financially, and by doing ALL the housework and childcare.