Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

YANBU op.

I have nothing against dogs but we do seem to be in an era where they can and do go everywhere with their owners.

Our family dogs were left at home whilst we worked and went to school (they had access to all of downstairs and my dad got home at lunchtime to let them out)

But they were well behaved and toilet trained. Which many do not seem to be these days....

I’ve got two dogs, I wouldn’t dream of inflicting them on others on Christmas Day. (One of them is so big he’s nicknamed the pit pony!).

I would agree with you- our dog stays home as we spend Christmas with family locally. Some of us usually pick her up in the afternoon and go for a walk round the local woods. We then drop her home before returning to the festivities. This usually works well and we get other relatives coming for a walk whilst others are happy in front of the tv! When the kids were younger it also helped give them some fresh air! Definitely stick to your guns!

I think I'm slightly on the fence, as assumptions seem to have been made on both sides, with no communication...

It's reasonable to think that people won't bring dogs without asking.

It's also reasonable for a dog owner to think their dog would be welcomed by family unless otherwise stated (assuming their norm is that the dog usually goes everywhere with them day to day).

It's not ok to leave dogs for long stretches of time (and can be very difficult/expensive to find kennels to take a dog over Christmas).

I think your stance is entirely fair, setting out your position (no dogs) and that you understand if they need to change plans as a result.

DH and I arranged to meet a couple for a pre festive lunch yesterday . Hadn’t seen them for a while so we were looking forward to it .
I suggested venue , agreed and booked .
On Friday friend called to say we can’t go there as they had just found out the dog couldn’t go !
Suggestions about leaving dog at home for a few hours or ask someone to let him out etc were refused .
Lunch cancelled .

I would never assume I could bring my dog to someone else's house.

But equally, it's not that easy to just leave them at home, especially if they're puppies.

Why do some people think it’s ok to take their dog everywhere? It’s a very selfish and entitled attitude.

Do they normally bring their dogs with them to yours?

I have never had anyone bring a dog to my house and I would find it extremely rude for it to be assumed.

I don't like dogs and they are messy and smelly

Is this a Covid thing? Surely people left their dogs at home in the past. Is it that they used to being at home with their dogs now that they can work from home?

Your house, your rules.
Dogs aren't family, in spite of how some people treat them.

🙄
Well, they can assume.
They don't get to decide, if someone else's home.

Yanbu AT ALL. You’re entitled to not have dogs in your own home if you don’t want to. People have gone mad over dogs! I don’t like dogs and another of my immediate family members is allergic. Various members of our wider family have dogs and they know they’re not welcome at our house, for Christmas or at any other time.

I don't think they should have assumed, especially if you're not pet owners yourself. It's incredibly rude and entitled of them to not accept you're not comfortable with it and try to get your DH to talk you into it.

This is why we say no if it's going to be an all day event. A few hours is fine, but I'd not leave my dog all day on his own with no one checking up on him.

YANBU though, I'd never assume he was invited

YANBU. No one should assume they can take a dog into someone else's home.

Yanbu. I would never bring mine unless absolutely cleared it first.

That said I would try and get some hypnotherapy for the OCD.or other therapy. Not so you can have dogs over but just to stop it affecting your life.

I’m going to my sisters first Christmas Eve, there’s no question of my dog coming with me - he’ll be totally fine home alone for a few hours and my neighbours teenager is going to walk him for me. My sister has a new puppy too - bringing them together would be utter carnage at this stage in their respective training.

If you have a dog, you need to make arrangements for them, they can’t go everywhere with you.

My home is not open to other people's pets. And I obviously have a remarkable family and acquaintance because no one has ever had a problem with that.

The big problem you have is everyone making assumptions. Clear communication is always better. I have a dog and I always ask before taking him anywhere, and either make other arrangements or if I can’t, then I have to pull out.

I would be annoyed these idiots had gone behind your back in an attempt to get your husband to "pull rank".

They would all be uninvited, by the pair of us.

You wouldn’t take a cat/goldfish/budgie with you to someone else’s house without checking so I don’t get why dogs are so special.

You aren’t unreasonable. We have a larger breed dog and my assumption is he’s not welcome in other people’s homes. Even those homes with their own dogs. When did large numbers of the population start assuming dogs are welcome everywhere at any time.

I do love dogs, but I don't understand why dogs, in the last few years, have to go everywhere with people! I had dogs in the 00s, they stayed home whilst we went to work, trained to be happy to do so. I wouldn't have dreamt of assuming my dog was welcome somewhere. As for dogs in restaurants and shops, wtf? There was a dog in The Office, inside a shopping centre, the other day, just why do you need to take your dog shoe shopping?

Anyway, YADNBU, and I say that as a dog lover, I'm just not a dog obsessor!

Sometimes SOME dog people can be weird.

They expect everyone to want their dogs everywhere. Or be happy their dog is jumping all over you.

I don't mind dogs but I don't want them in my home.

Can you imagine if I insisted on bringing my cat everywhere? Why is it ok with dogs? Just bizarre.

YANBU, but some people get very "we come as a package" about their dogs. MN saying you're right is not going to prevent a family bust up. At this notice and with puppies they might not have much option for a sitter.

Good luck. One option is relent just for this year. In future years you can make it very clear that it's people only, and choose not to be offended if they decline.