Page 2 | Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

caninechristmasconundrum · 2024-12-15T10:27:43+00:00

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away. Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ??? After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’ DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage) Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

AlwaysFreezing · 15/12/2024 10:50

As if the dogs are the issue. They went to your dh and tried to get him to agree that you were being weird and undermine the decision you'd made. Outrageous.

ChristmasinBrighton · 15/12/2024 10:50

I adore my dog and he absolutely is a member of my family.

However, I have never assumed that I could take him to another person’s home, not even close family. If I need to go somewhere I can’t take him and I will be out for over four hours (that’s his personal limit, accept for other dogs could be shorter or longer) I either arrange for someone to tend to him, or I don’t go.

How far away do these people live? Can they not come to you for a few hours then go back home?

LottieMary · 15/12/2024 10:50

We have several dogs in the family. Some can stay home for a few hours, ours in particular struggles with anxiety and separation. We keep trying but she’s dreadful when left on her home not helped by my husband wfh (he has no office) so she’s rarely alone. My mums currently has a stomach infection and can’t go more than a couple of hours.
on Christmas Day it would be a long day and kennels etc both booked and prohibitively expensive

unfortunate but there it is. I get the ocd element totally. Our kids are all aware of how to behave around dogs and vice Versa, and adults are very attentive e

lazyarse123 · 15/12/2024 10:51

Cheeky twats telling your dh it's his home too. I'd be rescinding the invitation.
My ds has a dog and she's always come for Christmas day but due to his health issues he only stays a couple of hours but this year we've moved to a park home and no dogs are allowed, we could get round that but it's just too small for 5 adults and a dog so he's quite happy to leave her for what will only be about 3 hours.

RosesAndHellebores · 15/12/2024 10:51

Stand firm @caninechristmasconundrum .

I don't have ocd but I would not have a melange of immature dogs in my home.

If they can't leave their dogs, they can sort out their own Christmas. They have just had tonrralose the responsibility that comes with having a pet.

I have the perfect excuse. No, I'm sorry, the cats would get too distressed. Having said that I'll be away for about 30 hours twice over Christmas. The cat sitter is coming on both days to check on them. £50.

Original poster

caninechristmasconundrum · 15/12/2024 10:51

SIL is only a 10 min walk from us we suggested can’t the dogs all stay at her house and if they need to pop back/check them / take for a walk etc it won’t be too difficult but MIL (the walking talking rspca advert) has declared ‘you need to remember it’s their Christmas too ! Last year poor ddog was in a rescue centre he needs to experience a family Christmas’ 🤦

OP posts:

Wellingtonspie · 15/12/2024 10:53

Sounds like you’ll get to enjoy a smaller pet free Christmas.

Some pet owners are bonkers and these lot clearly are

RaininSummer · 15/12/2024 10:53

Not unreasonable OP. Three dogs is mad anyway but given they are local people, leaving dog for three hours if fine if they want to. I wouldn't leave my dog however and he is an old boy but that I would not go unless he was invited. It is an imposition and with children in the mix I really wouldn't. The dogs may scrap too.

WomanFromTheNorth · 15/12/2024 10:53

There's no right or wrong here. You don't want dogs - fine. They might struggle to come if they have to leave the dogs - that's also fine. It's not fair to leave dogs for more than 4 hours generally. If it's a rescue, it may have separation anxiety. It's just a difference of opinion. In my family, we all take our dogs to each others houses as we are all doggy people, and we see them all as part of the family. But I get that not everyone does. Just explain that you're not comfortable, and they can decide if they can still come or not. I would have to change my plans if the dog couldn't come. In fact, my dog has become reactive so we're not going where we normally go for Xmas because of this.

Heatherbell1978 · 15/12/2024 10:53

Agree - my DM got a dog a couple of years ago and turned up with him in tow the first Xmas. Not only am I not a dog lover but I also have a cat! Thankfully my cat is quite chilled. But this is a big dog and the house reeked of dog after. I might have conceded if she'd asked first but it's rude to just assume.

JustWalkingTheDogs · 15/12/2024 10:54

I have dogs and I would never assume I could bring my dogs. It's got nothing to do with OCD, some people just don't like dogs.

If your mil thinks it's her dogs Christmas too then she should stay at home with it.

I have two friends one loves dogs and always says it's fine for me to bring them, the other one isn't a dog person so I never take ours with me when I visit. You're right op, it's personal preference

YANBU

Original poster

caninechristmasconundrum · 15/12/2024 10:54

lazyarse123 · 15/12/2024 10:51

Cheeky twats telling your dh it's his home too. I'd be rescinding the invitation.
My ds has a dog and she's always come for Christmas day but due to his health issues he only stays a couple of hours but this year we've moved to a park home and no dogs are allowed, we could get round that but it's just too small for 5 adults and a dog so he's quite happy to leave her for what will only be about 3 hours.

This has pissed dh off a lot he says he feels as if they are trying to cause an issue between us almost making him choose. He now wants to draw a line and say it’s cancelled they can make alternative plans rather than trying to work something out eg my suggestion of the dogs staying at SIL home as she’s very nearby

OP posts:

RaininSummer · 15/12/2024 10:55

caninechristmasconundrum · 15/12/2024 10:51

SIL is only a 10 min walk from us we suggested can’t the dogs all stay at her house and if they need to pop back/check them / take for a walk etc it won’t be too difficult but MIL (the walking talking rspca advert) has declared ‘you need to remember it’s their Christmas too ! Last year poor ddog was in a rescue centre he needs to experience a family Christmas’ 🤦

Even more ridiculous then. They can pop home and walk them and have a relaxed day with no rush to go home.

Splishsplashscreen · 15/12/2024 10:55

I like dogs but I wouldn't have my own dog and I don't have them in my house. A relative was not happy when she found out about that and told me I needed to treat her dog the same as I treat her children because her dog is one of her children now. Then she told another relative because I don't want children of my own I'm cruel to children and I'd told her that her children couldn't come in my house. I screenshot the messages about the dog and sent them to the relative shed told and said it's not her children that aren't welcome but her dog and it's not my fault she thinks her dog should be treated like her children are by everyone else. So, yes, some people do expect to take their dog everywhere but that isn't always feasible.

Cynic17 · 15/12/2024 10:56

Agreed. Surely people leave their dogs at home for a full 8 hours while they're at work? So why is Christmas any different?

Lavenderblossoms · 15/12/2024 10:56

Splishsplashscreen · 15/12/2024 10:55

I like dogs but I wouldn't have my own dog and I don't have them in my house. A relative was not happy when she found out about that and told me I needed to treat her dog the same as I treat her children because her dog is one of her children now. Then she told another relative because I don't want children of my own I'm cruel to children and I'd told her that her children couldn't come in my house. I screenshot the messages about the dog and sent them to the relative shed told and said it's not her children that aren't welcome but her dog and it's not my fault she thinks her dog should be treated like her children are by everyone else. So, yes, some people do expect to take their dog everywhere but that isn't always feasible.

Holy shit!

Tel12 · 15/12/2024 10:56

I'd probably want to take my dog but I'd never assume it was welcome so would always check first. In your circumstances it sounds reasonable to leave them at home. Especially as you're not keen anyway.

TicTac80 · 15/12/2024 10:56

YANBU. I wouldn't want dogs at my place either (my cats would be very upset!). In the same vein, I wouldn't assume that I could just bring my cats to other people's places (nor would I think of bringing them to other places with me - they have a sitter if I go away overnight).

Your ILs seem very entitled!

CaptainCabinetsTrappedInCabinets · 15/12/2024 10:57

The dog needs to experience a family Christmas? 😂

Now I've heard everything.

Simonjt · 15/12/2024 10:57

Cynic17 · 15/12/2024 10:56

Agreed. Surely people leave their dogs at home for a full 8 hours while they're at work? So why is Christmas any different?

Only very irresponsible dog owners do that.

EmpressOfTheThread · 15/12/2024 10:57

caninechristmasconundrum · 15/12/2024 10:54

This has pissed dh off a lot he says he feels as if they are trying to cause an issue between us almost making him choose. He now wants to draw a line and say it’s cancelled they can make alternative plans rather than trying to work something out eg my suggestion of the dogs staying at SIL home as she’s very nearby

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I agree with your DH. Just have Christmas yourselves. They can pull crackers with the dogs.

Cosyblankets · 15/12/2024 10:59

Lots of assumptions being made.
They assumed they can bring
You assumed they can be left
It looks like you assume leaving 2 pups and a rescue unsupervised in SIL house is ok unless I'm reading that wrong.
Where do the other family members live?

Mountainhowl · 15/12/2024 10:59

YANBU, we do take our dog when we visit my family, but that's because we live 4 hours away and stay over (and if we didn't stay it would still be a 12+ hour day). But if it was a problem OH would just stay home with the dog

RosesAndHellebores · 15/12/2024 11:00

caninechristmasconundrum · 15/12/2024 10:54

This has pissed dh off a lot he says he feels as if they are trying to cause an issue between us almost making him choose. He now wants to draw a line and say it’s cancelled they can make alternative plans rather than trying to work something out eg my suggestion of the dogs staying at SIL home as she’s very nearby

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You have a fabulous DH. This is clearly a dog problem and not a DH problem.

Do not LTB.

AsFunAsEnglishWeather · 15/12/2024 11:00

A family Christmas with lots of noise and strange people is probably the last thing their rescue dog needs!