Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

Aside from the fact you don't want them there (which is a perfectly valid reason) have these dogs ever spent time together in an enclosed space with lots of people milling about? A rescue and 2 younger dogs could be a recipe for disaster in terms of dog dynamics.

For starters your DH should have messaged them, bugger all this women have to be the keepers and sorters of family stuff all the time.

Treatment of dogs has become bizzare since lockdown and I say that as someone who was raised with a dog. It’s like some see them as some sort of must have accessory. Two lots of my friends have got dogs since lockdown having never ever mentioned them before, one used to have cats and adored cats. It’s just a bit weird.

I wouldn’t let one dog into my house, never mind three!

😂😂😂

Many dog owners don't understand this. They treat them as human members of the family, which is not what good dog owners do.

One option is relent just for this year. In future years you can make it very clear that it's people only, and choose not to be offended if they decline.

Absolutely not! You’d be setting a precedent and the argument would be “they came last year and it was fine”. The dog owners were stupid to have just assumed the dogs could come without checking and it’s their problem to deal with - stay at home or try and find somewhere to look after the dogs. It’s the sort of thing you have to consider before getting a dog.

I love my dog but if I'm invited out on Christmas Day (or any day in fact) he will stay at home like he does every other day when I need to go out.

Just because I love my dog doesn't mean everyone else does.

So your MIL thinks a rescue dog (who will probably be anxious at being put in a new environment anyway) deserves to be forced to spend time with unfamiliar dogs, people and levels of noise, and to be utterly stressed out if it's little brain. Maybe MIL needs to stay at home too?

Your assumption and preference to not host dogs is entirely normal.

Your inlaws attempts to drive a wedge between you and DH are unforgivable. They are willing to damage or even break up your marriage just to get their own way! These are not people you let close to you.

I'd rescind the invitation, and make it clear that you and DH have decided to have a cosy romantic Christmas with just the two of you.

Both you and your husband sound very reasonable. I wouldn't want THREE dogs in my house. Possibly one small dog for a very short visit, maybe.

It sounds like whatever the outcome, your names will be tarnished with the wider family, but that's their hang-up. Maybe they host another event another day, but feel unless they are happy to leave dogs home, your Christmas Day plans may be quieter (and likely easier). Merry Christmas I'd say!

I want to see the dog that’s nicknamed ‘pit pony’. Oh and YANBU OP.

Ugh. Anytime I've set boundaries, had an opposing view, told FIL (firmly but politely) to mind his own business etc, he has done the "but what do you want?" to my husband. Such an arsehole move. Immediately trying to sow discord and drive a wedge in his child's marriage.

Your DH needs to shut that down straight away and call it out. You are a team and you must not tolerate this attempt to undermine your solidarity.

You're being entirely reasonable.

I wouldn't have a dog here. Fred the cat would not like it, and he lives here.

Well there is. Nowhere in the history of family Christmas dinners has it been assumed that people take their dogs until now, post covid. The wrong is VERY MUCH on the part of the dog owning relatives assuming that decades of practice can be undone without checking.
Don't get me started on "it's their Christmas too"!!

Oh now I want to see Fred the cat as well 😂.

In my opinion you’re just being a misery. Lighten up. It’s only 3 dogs for godsake not the taliban.

The dog needs to experience a family Christmas - Dear God id struggle to keep a straight face if someone came out with that nonsense to me. It’s a dog ffs - it’s not going to be pulling crackers, playing monopoly and watching the Christmas Day eastenders with you.
Honestly the way some people talk about an animal is bat shit.

Im with you OP. I don’t have animals in my house full stop. No exceptions.

I don't agree at all with the posters who think this is a miscommunication on both sides. She invited human guests for Christmas, it is not a weird assumption that she expected only them to come. She probably also assumed that they wouldn't bring a friend or a cat or a goldfish. It's not her job to think about their pet sitting arrangements.

If they can't leave their pets, it was up to them to ask if they could come and to accept no as an answer.

I would much rather someone didn't come than that they brought a dog.

The obvious solution if they were reasonable people would have been a shorter get together on Christmas day, like just meeting for a cheeseboard and desserts

Think it just depends sometimes. We are a dog family so we never have to ask if we can bring our dog to something, sometimes we have five of them at family gatherings! It's just assumed the dogs will be coming, they don't always come but most of the time and especially if it's for a whole day thing they would come.

I personally wouldn't put my dog in kennels for Xmas Day but I just wouldn't go somewhere for the day if we couldn't take DDog, I wouldn't be annoyed about it or beg to take her, it's just an occasion we wouldn't go to as it doesn't work for us. So we would just decline the invitation.

If it was for 3-4 hours only then we probably would but that's harder with puppies or rescue dogs as some have separation anxiety etc that makes it harder.

Zero sympathy for the dog owner family members after they tried to 'go around you' by telling your DH it's his house, too, clearly trying to pressure him into overriding you, his wife!

Of course it's not okay to assume you can just bring your dog(s) to someone's house without discussion. How utterly ridiculous!

I'd not want to host them at all after they tried to get your DH to undermine your relationship like that.

Difficult one as normal dog minding options don’t apply at children: dog walkers don’t work, daycare shut etc. Some dogs can be left for 4 hours but rarely at the puppy stage and you need to factor in travel time too.

But they should have asked when invited.

I certainly wouldn't want any dog in my house at any time nevermind 3 of them in the same day. YANBU. Dogs are not children. This is getting insane.

Her DH is on her side!

I have a pack of dogs, just adore them. Wouldn’t dream of taking them to someone else’s house. Ever!

YANBU at all! I like dogs but no way would I have THREE of them in my house, especially not at Christmas when the house is rammed anyway. Ok, maybe you should have been crystal clear from the office that the dogs could not come, but you've done that now, and they're behaving like entitled twerps 🤦🏻‍♂️

I know that some dogs can't be left alone for very long, but that is one of the many MANY things that people need to consider before deciding to get a pet. Cracking on as normal and expecting everyone and everywhere to accommodate the dog is just not on