Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

Stick to your guns OP and don't try to come up with a solution - it's up the dog owners to do this. Your house, your choice. It's chaos having lots of dogs together that don't know each other too.

I have two siblings with dogs (one has two, the other one) and they turn up with them in tow and my DPs have two dogs themselves. So five dogs that don't really know each other, two that live there and so are territorial, one visiting dog that is a little shit who winds the others up, one that is very timid and just shakes when it's around the others and pisses on the floor. Just say No and let them sort it out themselves.

Just ask them to host (for a change!) - sorted.

YANBU OP

As a dog owner we never assume to take our dogs to someone’s house.

You don’t need a reason or germ ocd or the house is too small. You’re a no dog house end of. And going behind your back to dh was very underhanded. We don’t have dogs in our house and it means sil rarely visits as she ‘can’t’ Leave her dog. It’s is what it is, they are entitled to not like leaving their dog and you are equally entitled to not what dogs in your house, of that means they don’t come so be it!

I would always check and ask first, unless it’s my parents as they love my dog and I know I’m ok to bring him with he when I visit. He is never left for more than 3 hours and I hate doing that.

YABVU to assume people would book their dogs in kennels to go to yours for lunch. Don’t even know any that would be available now, unless you booked in the summer very unlikely there’d be anywhere with space. My friend is a dog walker and is working Christmas Day but on much more limited hours than usual and only has limited space. I’d just decline the invite and stay home with my pooch!

My girl is now passed but she had a chronic health condition that required her to be watched closely at all times and medications to be administered at very specific times. Unless expressly invited she stayed home for family christmases and I went and checked on her periodically. It meant I missed out on a couple of hours of Christmas but if it meant the hosts were more comfortable then that’s fair enough.

YANBU obviously if you dont want dogs there. Puppies shouldnt be left alone for a few hours though. They need to learn this first and depending on the dog it can take quite some time until they can stay at home alone stress free. Im guessing its the same for the rescue dog.
I have dogs myself and now they are left at home for events like this, but last year one of them was just over 1 year old at christmas and has been with us for 5 months only and i would have never left him for longer than 30mins or so.
You can stick to your “no dog” rule, but dont be surprised if they cancel and celebrate christmas together elsewhere.

I think the issue here is that this is 2 puppies and a recently rescued adult dog. Neither of which probably has a very secure attachment yet and struggle to be left home alone. The puppies needs training g to be left aline but that will take months and months, and a rescue dog will normally be somewhat traumatised and also need time to build up to being left alone.

I’m guessing they assumed that you knew that but if you have never had a dog you might not. The best option is probably that they gave their own dog-friendly Christmas and you celebrate separately.

Personally, I would have chosen to invite the dogs (my kids would have loved it) and not worry about having a perfectly clean house for that one day but I appreciate not everyone is the same.

My DSIS and BIL always bring their dog but it's always been a thing and we go somewhere dog friendly if we need to. He's just a small dog and very well behaved though.

Well behaved is key.

Just ask them to host Christmas.

If they want to prioritise their dogs they'll pull their finger out and get it organised.
And you can put your feet up!

YANBU

I love dogs - and was brought up with them but its got insane since lockdown.
In the past few months

1. I told a man who brought his barking dog to uniglo in Battersea that if the dog couldn't stop barking at my terrified child then maybe it shouldn't be there (he tutted)
2. One of the biggest dogs I have ever seen lost it in a tiny coffee shop when it saw some small dogs (also in the coffee shop)
3. A very large dog bounded up to my small child in the park nearly knocking it over and I suggested it should be on a lead. Didn't even get an apology.

In case 1 and 2 both dogs were exhibiting signs of being distressed. It's insane

Yup. I watched my MIL’s dog help herself to party food off of the coffee table in my SIL’s lounge. MIL and FIL too busy swigging champagne to notice. It put me right off any of the party food.

Don’t understand why people assume their dogs are invited everywhere ? People with other animals don’t assume that.
Ill just rock up to the Inlaws with my rabbit for Christmas dinner shall I ?

Same with people just taking dogs into restaurants or shops without checking and moaning if they aren’t allowed (except assistant dogs)
FIL had the misfortune of going to a local cafe and a dog pooed on the floor and the dog owners were furious they were given cleaning materials to pick it up.
They actually posted a review stating how unfriendly the cafe was regarding dogs !

My family have always had dogs and would never assume to take them to someone's home without a specific invitation to do so.

YANBU OP but “dog people” have become very accustomed to taking their dogs here there and everywhere now and have developed a sense of entitlement about this.

The humanification of dogs in this country is out of control. Dog advent calendars, dog beer, dog ice cream. It’s all crackers and the owners of these little darlings often forget that they are in fact animals and as such not everyone wants them in their home or around their children.

It's reasonable of them to want to bring them and totally reasonable of you to say no. It's good that your DH has your back. Too often we read of weak husbands who won't support their wife when it comes to in-laws.

My parents have two dogs, they don’t automatically assume they can bring them and subsequently have never brought them for Christmas even though we have said we would be happy to have them there. (Our kids love them and after the initial fuss and excitement they just tend to lay down and sleep).

YANBU

We never assume to take our dog to someone’s home.

I’d never assume my dog could come but I likely wouldn’t go without my dog on Christmas Day. However, any dogs are welcome at mine as my dog would love it

Not really sure why that is a surprise in a selfish and entitled society.

But as this thread shows, dogs are far nicer creatures than humans are.

I've never had a dog invite me for Christmas, but I'm sure if they did they would be very attentive hosts.

I'm OCD about hygiene

Wouldn't allow dog owners in the house nevermind dogs

I wouldn't be inviting animals to my house either. And certainly not 3 of them. Not because of germs but just because I don't like dogs, they smell, they whine and bark and it is my choice not to have them in my home.

Completely reasonable to ask they leave their animals at home.

You made the perfect reply to relatives. Their choice to leave dogs at home or not come. Well done you

This must be one of the most unhinged comments about dogs I've seen on here - and it's a competitive field.

If they don't want to leave their dogs alone, they can stay at home. The dramatics, guilt tripping and attempts at undermining you are all out of line.