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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He left me in city centre…

881 replies

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Rosscameasdoody · 15/12/2024 09:23

LIVVI1234 · 15/12/2024 09:08

Would he have even known for sure you were home when he was banging on the door. You could have still been out stranded for all he knew. Has he even attempted to call and check on you?

Great points. I wonder if this even crossed what passes for his mind. I think if l’d been OP, when her dad picked her up, l’d have gone home with him and let DH get on with it.

BigAnne · 15/12/2024 09:26

@Craics90 start the new year without him. This behaviour won't change.

Rosscameasdoody · 15/12/2024 09:33

EdithBond · 15/12/2024 09:22

It’s unreasonable to not open the door to someone who’s forgotten their key and is locked out.

It’s not unreasonable to say you don’t want guests in your home at 2am.

It’s very unreasonable for your DH to storm off and leave you stuck in town alone, having sworn at you. Did he check if you got home safely?

It’s unreasonable to renege on a dinner date at the last moment when it incurs such a large cancellation fee. He should give you the money.

It sounds like your DH has an alcohol problem or does he behave like this when not drinking too?

It’s unreasonable to leave his wife stranded in the city centre, announcing that he doesn’t care and she’s not his problem.

It’s beyond unreasonable for him to bring his mates home and bang the door down at 2am, when he had no way of knowing whether OP had got home safely and was even at home to answer the door - and hadn’t bothered his sorry arse to check.

Berthatydfil · 15/12/2024 09:38

He didn't care how she got home so did he know for sure she was actually home? She can hardly let him into a house if shes not even there.

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 09:41

Just to play devils advocate - you say you “spent weeks planning” but it sounds like you just shuffled aimlessly between places that were busy and crowded, in the cold. I don’t think many people would really enjoy that for their birthday so he may well have been upset. But that doesn’t excuse his behaviour.

marshmallowbum · 15/12/2024 09:42

@Craics90 are you ok? Hope he left with his mates and you are safe and ok x

LoudSnoringDog · 15/12/2024 09:45

As another poster has pointed out. Leaving you on your own is shitty enough, coming home pissed at 2 with a troop of mates suggests he's a self entitled twat and probably presents with other challenges that make him unbearable to live with

Original poster
Craics90 · 15/12/2024 09:48

Thank you for all of your replies.

To answer some questions

  • He had no keys with him as I drove in.
  • He’s never done this before.
  • I wasn’t drunk as I had two glasses of wine - mainly because the bars were so busy it was hard to get served.
  • There isn’t more to it.
OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 15/12/2024 09:48

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 09:41

Just to play devils advocate - you say you “spent weeks planning” but it sounds like you just shuffled aimlessly between places that were busy and crowded, in the cold. I don’t think many people would really enjoy that for their birthday so he may well have been upset. But that doesn’t excuse his behaviour.

She booked his favourite restaurant. And lost £80 deposit because of his strop.

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 09:50

@Rosscameasdoody yes but after a day of traipsing aimlessly around. Booking a restaurant is not “planning for weeks” so if OP had built it up I can see why he’d be disappointed.

Missmarymack2 · 15/12/2024 09:50

I’d be really annoyed. I would expect an apology and for him to foot the 80 pound deposit…I wouldn’t queue for 40 mins to get into a bar also. That’s enough to put anyone into foul humour.

ChristmasinBrighton · 15/12/2024 09:51

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 09:41

Just to play devils advocate - you say you “spent weeks planning” but it sounds like you just shuffled aimlessly between places that were busy and crowded, in the cold. I don’t think many people would really enjoy that for their birthday so he may well have been upset. But that doesn’t excuse his behaviour.

I think you might have missed the bit where OP paid an £80 deposit at a restaurant to celebrate her DH birthday.

Money she lost because he is an intolerable Wankbadger

MontgomeryClift · 15/12/2024 09:55

So, did he stay at his mates? Any word from him.

He was extremely out of order. I hope you are reconsidering your marriage?

Lighteningstrikes · 15/12/2024 09:57

You planned a lovely birthday.
You even gave him several opportunities to opt out of it to be with his friends.
And then he literally abandoned you with such venom in his attitude.
I hope this is the beginning of the end for you.

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 09:57

@ChristmasinBrighton I did not. And I am not saying his behaviour was acceptable because it absolutely wasn’t. I am saying if the restaurant booking came after a day of traipsing aimlessly around I can see why he’d be disappointed and not be up for it. Booking a restaurant is not “planning for weeks” so if OP had built it up I can see why he’d be disappointed.

NunyaBeeswax · 15/12/2024 09:58

I hope you're ok op.
I hope you're really thinking about things.

one question I think you should ask yourself,
"Does he love me?"
And then think about how his actions show or don't show that love.
If I loved someone, I couldn't treat them how he treated you, I just couldn't. I'd like to think that most people that love someone, couldn't treat them so appallingly.

Wonderi · 15/12/2024 09:58

I’m confused as to why you didn’t just drive home?

He sounds like a twat but if you drove in and you only had 2 drinks then I would have assumed you drove home.

I’m not sure why you needed to get a taxi or get your elderly dad out.

Original poster
Craics90 · 15/12/2024 09:59

TheKoalaWhoCould · 15/12/2024 09:41

Just to play devils advocate - you say you “spent weeks planning” but it sounds like you just shuffled aimlessly between places that were busy and crowded, in the cold. I don’t think many people would really enjoy that for their birthday so he may well have been upset. But that doesn’t excuse his behaviour.

@TheKoalaWhoCould I did spend weeks planning, I booked in to an exclusive bar for a Christmas event he wanted to go to, took weeks ahead to book the restaurant he wanted and for it all to be cancelled on Friday because he said he just wanted to do other things. Instead of saying look I want to go on in with my friends. Which I wouldn’t have minded. Instead he cancelled what I had booked and paid deposits for and started a row so he could do his own thing.

OP posts:
Jumell · 15/12/2024 09:59

YANBU at all OP.

ive been through some stuff but I’m horrified reading this !!

Fabulouslyunfabulous · 15/12/2024 10:00

Did you let him in in the end?

Original poster
Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:00

Wonderi · 15/12/2024 09:58

I’m confused as to why you didn’t just drive home?

He sounds like a twat but if you drove in and you only had 2 drinks then I would have assumed you drove home.

I’m not sure why you needed to get a taxi or get your elderly dad out.

@Wonderi I had two glasses of wine and I didn’t want to risk being stopped by the police. I need my driving licence to work.

OP posts:
Jumell · 15/12/2024 10:00

Annabella92 · 15/12/2024 02:35

I hope you're making plans to seperate OP. I'm so sorry this happened to you, he has treated you with utter contempt and it would be over if someone treated me this way

THIS TOTALLY !

Original poster
Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:02

Missmarymack2 · 15/12/2024 09:50

I’d be really annoyed. I would expect an apology and for him to foot the 80 pound deposit…I wouldn’t queue for 40 mins to get into a bar also. That’s enough to put anyone into foul humour.

Edited

@Missmarymack2 I’ll never get an apology because he never apologies. He turns it all on me. I wasn’t keen on queuing for 40 minutes either, but as it’s what’s he wanted to do that’s what I did.

OP posts:
Easipeelerie · 15/12/2024 10:03

He sounds truely horrible and you will be well rid if you split.

Lighteningstrikes · 15/12/2024 10:04

@TheKoalaWhoCould
Stop banging on and derailing the thread, it does not excuse his utterly shitty behaviour.
You Don’t know all of the ins and outs of OP’s plans.

Unless you want a detailed report to critique??