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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He left me in city centre…

881 replies

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Littlemiracles232504 · 15/12/2024 07:22

I'm really hoping there's no kids involved in this shitshow!
Sorry OP but this guy sounds like a propper knobhead
Don't open the door, he will only worm his way in once he's sobered up and subject you to more bullshittery in the future
He should go and stay with his mates if he cares about them so much, let's see how they get on washing his underpants and dealing with his tantrums

Jostuki · 15/12/2024 07:22

It all sounds very strange. When presented with your birthday plan for the day he could have said which bits he didn't want to do. For example my husband wouldn't want to walk around a packed Christmas market.

Then you went on a pub crawl? That's going to end in tears!

All very odd and he sounds like an odious toad of a man.

When he can wales the meal you should have taken that as your cue to go home or book into a hotel for the night, on your own.

You weren't stranded, that's overly dramatic but now you know he couldn't care less about you, a decision has to be reached about you're splitting up as he obviously doesn't have any (nice) feelings for you.

rwalker · 15/12/2024 07:22

Locking someone out is like pouring petrol on the fire on the plus side it will gas light them into kick off so you will naturally become the victim in this situation

always best the address this after the event

Humphreyshead · 15/12/2024 07:26

Is there more to it?… It’s odd that he just became angry and stormed off. Has he done this kind of thing before?

PatchworkElmer · 15/12/2024 07:34

Hope you’re ok OP.

Tiredofallthis101 · 15/12/2024 07:35

Hope you didn't open the door. What a selfish horrible man. If he isn't extremely apologetic for behaving like that I'm not sure I'd get over it.

JaneAustensHeroine · 15/12/2024 07:35

I think his words “I don’t mind” are very telling. When my DH says “I don’t mind” it means “I don’t care” which means “I don’t want to be doing this”.

I’m sorry you had such a shit evening. Please don’t book anything for him in the future. It’s not worth the effort.

Itsgottobeme · 15/12/2024 07:40

This level can't be a one off from him. Can it? If not op I hope you're OK. And time to jave a think. You dknt deserve this.
I'm.unsure whether this outrageous behaviour comes with a "his side" of thing or whether it really is a himthing and if that is the case fuck him.
On so many levels was this wrong of him.
Ihope you're asleep now.
havea calm day. Don't be walked over! And don't just take him bacl without some sort of resolution.

YourTurnForTheTree · 15/12/2024 07:40

What is he like normally OP?

This is nasty and selfish behaviour from him. After all your effort and planning too.

Hope you got some sleep x

2catsandhappy · 15/12/2024 07:41

I too had an ex who would deliberately pick a fight so he could storm off declaring I had ruined his night. Then he would spend his time with his mates which is what he wanted all along, whilst painting himself as a victim.
Took me years to see the pattern.

Petrasings · 15/12/2024 07:42

2catsandhappy · 15/12/2024 07:41

I too had an ex who would deliberately pick a fight so he could storm off declaring I had ruined his night. Then he would spend his time with his mates which is what he wanted all along, whilst painting himself as a victim.
Took me years to see the pattern.

It’s am abusive pattern

MyPithyPoster · 15/12/2024 07:43

Please don’t say you have any children with him

RickiRaccoon · 15/12/2024 07:44

Not unreasonable to leave him outside. He didn’t care how you got home because you're not his problem. Following his logic, he's not your problem so why should you care if he can't get in?

Honestlyhonee · 15/12/2024 07:45

@Teacherprebaby @Craics90 omfg why did you quote the op’s post in full

Honestlyhonee · 15/12/2024 07:46

Op this is the kind of thing my first bf used to do to me when I was 16 and he was 20. What a drip of a man. Get rid.

AmICrazyToEvenBother · 15/12/2024 07:50

This is so horrible.

What an utter shitbag of a man. OP, you don't need this kind of person in your life. Please do the right thing and make sure he's not your problem any more.

LBFseBrom · 15/12/2024 07:52

Your husband needs to grow up.

DepartingRadish · 15/12/2024 07:53

He's a douchebag isn't he?

Sincerely hope you're re-thinking staying with him.

Imbusytodaysorry · 15/12/2024 08:00

ZekeZeke · 15/12/2024 07:16

Were you both drunk?
No excuse for his carry on but I'm wondering are we hearing the full story.
You haven't replied which makes me think you fell asleep after your OP.

Was he drunk the night before when he made OP cancel the dinner reservation.

This was planned like op said he ditched his wife I mean who wants the wife cramping your style Ona. Busy Xmas night out . When you could be with your mates doing god knows what !

BotDranning · 15/12/2024 08:00

What is wrong with these men? Both this post and the one from the poster whose partner had taken her keys and locked her out all night.
Honestly my heart breaks that these men believe this type of behaviour in anyway, shape or form is acceptable. OP please please please leave him. This is not right.

ChristmasinBrighton · 15/12/2024 08:01

He’s awful. I hope he fucked off eventually. Did he not have keys?

What are you going to do about this long term?

FitAt50 · 15/12/2024 08:01

Did you purposely lock him out or did he forget his key? Disappointed in the number of people saying leave him outside at 2am in the middle of winter.

xyz111 · 15/12/2024 08:01

Guavafish1 · 15/12/2024 06:38

Open the door… it’s his birthday. It’s wrong to have the door closed.

he is totally wrong for inviting you for birthday drinks out when he really wanted to go out with friends.

Your relationship doesn’t sound healthy and there is bad communication going on between you both.

His birthday doesn't give him the right to act like that!!!

Jostuki · 15/12/2024 08:01

JaneAustensHeroine · 15/12/2024 07:35

I think his words “I don’t mind” are very telling. When my DH says “I don’t mind” it means “I don’t care” which means “I don’t want to be doing this”.

I’m sorry you had such a shit evening. Please don’t book anything for him in the future. It’s not worth the effort.

I completely agree.

I don't mind = I'm not interested. It's going to be crap whatever you choose .

Pussycat22 · 15/12/2024 08:03

Yabu if you stay with this prick. Get rid.