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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He left me in city centre…

881 replies

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Guest100 · 15/12/2024 02:35

Don’t open the door. What a horrible day. If he keeps banging maybe the neighbours will call the police. Turn your phone off and try to go back to sleep.

Annabella92 · 15/12/2024 02:35

I hope you're making plans to seperate OP. I'm so sorry this happened to you, he has treated you with utter contempt and it would be over if someone treated me this way

Guest100 · 15/12/2024 02:35

Does he have a key?

MamaWeasel · 15/12/2024 02:37

What an absolute bellend

Namechangedforthis25 · 15/12/2024 02:38

Obviously this isn’t right and you deserve better

you can’t and should not live with a disdainful, aggressive, selfish f&ckwit of a man child like this

eastcoasterly · 15/12/2024 02:39

I think you know the answer yourself already, and you're not the dick in this tale. Your dad, having to collect you, probably knows you deserve so much better than this. No good will come of addressing any of it while DH is drunk so wait until you're both properly awake and sober and then time to have a very clear and direct discussion of boundaries and whether this relationship is sustainable long term. I say relationship as you're not describing a marriage at this point. Marriage is team work, boundaries, clarity and communication. None of that is evident in your current relationship given what you've described. I hope you are safe OP. You did nothing wrong.

Charliecatpaws · 15/12/2024 02:41

Don't open the door as you are sleeping

Andera · 15/12/2024 03:20

AIBU for not opening the door?

Forget about opening the door. Why in the name of God are you putting up with this relationship? It sounds bloody awful.

Seriously, this is a LONG way removed from how an equal, loving, respectful relationship operates.

pikkumyy77 · 15/12/2024 03:37

Absolutely unforgivable behavior. Why are you staying with him?

Petrasings · 15/12/2024 04:34

Do not let him in.
Surely this has to end now, the contempt he has shown you this evening is shocking.

cordeliavorkosigan · 15/12/2024 04:46

I'm incensed about your £80!! Get it back, op.
What an absolute arse.

januaryjan · 15/12/2024 05:26

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

Leave him outside.

If he tries to call make sure to return his earlier compliment. Tell him to 'F off - he's not your problem'.

Justsayit123 · 15/12/2024 06:34

How vile. Can you kick him out? Do you live together? He’s not into you and I hope you’re done with him.

Guavafish1 · 15/12/2024 06:38

Open the door… it’s his birthday. It’s wrong to have the door closed.

he is totally wrong for inviting you for birthday drinks out when he really wanted to go out with friends.

Your relationship doesn’t sound healthy and there is bad communication going on between you both.

Fraaances · 15/12/2024 06:40

That’s revolting behaviour on his part and you absolutely deserve better. Send him a message saying that you dont feel safe with his drunken friends in your home and after his behaviour tonight you wouldn’t feel safe with him coming home until he’s sobered up. Then if he comes back, call the police and let them know you’re being harassed.

SaagAloopa · 15/12/2024 06:42

This is not how he should be treating someone he aparantly loves. And you know it deep down. When you were a teenager is this what you hoped for in a relationship? It's hard because these men find women and then they work their way in until it's too late and for some reason they stick with the women but they resent them. For whatever reason they RESENT them. I don't know why they don't leave. I think you should seek counselling for yourself not for couples. And you should build up the strength you need to leave him. If you can leave him now then do so. Do not think of how good it has been in the past, that past has gone now and been replaced with a dark seething resentment in his soul.

CleverGreyDuck · 15/12/2024 06:42

Hopefully you didn’t open the door… OP once he has sobered up it seems you need to have a serious discussion about your relationship

ChristmasGladTidings · 15/12/2024 06:43

This place is usually full of people rushing to say LTB, but this time, I’m going to have to join in. LTB!!! This is disgusting behaviour. I can’t think of a context in which his behaviour would be in any way mitigated or justified. Raise your standards and get out. Seriously OP, you know you deserve better than this

SaagAloopa · 15/12/2024 06:47

CleverGreyDuck · 15/12/2024 06:42

Hopefully you didn’t open the door… OP once he has sobered up it seems you need to have a serious discussion about your relationship

I genuinely don't think a discussion is needed or would be productive here. Just a simple. It's over.

Teacherprebaby · 15/12/2024 06:50

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

I feel sorry for you that you are married to this man.

LoudSnoringDog · 15/12/2024 06:52

How pathetic

Any normal adult would have just said "I'll go and meet my mates about 4"

What a prick

THisbackwithavengeance · 15/12/2024 07:02

Why can't he get in?

If he's not got a key, that's on him as you were asleep. But if he's got a key and you've bolted the door so he can't get in even with the key then you really need to let him in. It's his house too and you're on dodgy ground legally.

And don't call the police for a man trying to get into his own house as someone suggested. I'm sure the police have enough actual crime to be dealing with rather than your marital spat.

And yes, his behaviour was shocking. Nasty and manipulative. Are you considering divorce?

KimberleyClark · 15/12/2024 07:06

Please leave this arsehole.

ZekeZeke · 15/12/2024 07:16

Were you both drunk?
No excuse for his carry on but I'm wondering are we hearing the full story.
You haven't replied which makes me think you fell asleep after your OP.

pestoblush · 15/12/2024 07:20

This is so sad 😞 but you need to make your own life