He left me in city centre…

[Craics90]

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

Don't discuss it. Carry on as normal, on the surface. Grey rock where possible. Silently make your plans then leave. Or throw him out.

@Lighteningstrikes do please go ahead and point out to me where I’ve said his behaviour was acceptable? I’ll wait.

Wow.
Can't imagine my husband behaving like this.
Ever.
Live your own life.
🍀

OP I totally sympathise with you and I could basically quote every post on this thread in support !

@Littlemiracles232504 yes, we have two children. They were with grandparents last night and have no idea about anything. I did tell my mum about it though. He can stay with his friends for all I care right now. I’m so hurt and disappointed.

@TheKoalaWhoCould
And where exactly did I say you Didn’t say behaviour was unacceptable??

Well in that case there is no devil’s advocate. He’s just a pure arse with no mitigation. That being the case, the thing to decide now is if that’s really how you want to be treated going forward. If you are with someone who puts themselves first, and you are also the type of person to put yourself first, that’s fine. If you are with someone who puts you first and you put them first, even better. But if he’s putting himself first and you’re putting him first, who is putting you first? It doesn’t have to be this way.

2 glasses of wine would put you well over the limit for driving in Scotland. OP did the right thing not driving.

@Nothatgingerpirate 💚

Surely not?

@Lighteningstrikes can you not read?

I literally said “But that doesn’t excuse his behaviour.” and “I am not saying his behaviour was acceptable because it absolutely wasn’t.”

Do you need me to break that down into smaller words for you or something?

Exactly this - you had had two glasses of wine - one is the legal limit for a woman now that the glasses are 175ml. Amazes me that people still think it’s ok to drive after two! I’m with you - I wouldn’t have driven either. Sorry you had to go through this.

I let him in at 5.20am as he was back again alone banging the door in and the dog was going crazy. I didn’t want the neighbours to report him either. I sold my own house when we got married and I moved in with him. I feel like I’ve given up everything and myself as a person. He belittles me every day, he calls me posh and mocks the way I speak. He mocks my clothing. He’s usually a very nice and funny man, however I can see a lot of red flags recently. As someone said above, it’s ok saying you love someone but actions speak louder than anything. He didn’t even know that I was home because he never called or messaged. His phone was also dead so he wouldn’t have seen me on the ring cam when he arrived here at 2am. He went back to said friends house and charged phone before coming back at 5.20am. I’ve asked for an apology but all he’s said is that I am a wanker and I got what I deserved. I don’t believe in telling anyone what they deserve because who am I to delegate on anyone’s life?

You do seem quite keen to bang on about the lack of planning and disappointment this poor man must be feeling on his special day. Why?

Ah, so he has form for being a dick. Dress up a pig and it's still a pig 🤷🏾‍♀️.

I find it's not worth putting too much effort into a relationship with a twat, as you always end up with egg on your face. Leave him, or treat him with indifference. Just don't be surprised when he's unkind to you.

You did absolutely nothing wrong @Craics90 Whatever you had booked or planned would have likely been wrong or not what he wanted. He deliberately sabotaged your plans. Is he disgruntled generally? I ask because my DH went through a phase like this. I now only book things that I would be prepared to do alone or with a friend so that if he decides he’s not interested then I go anyway. Whatever you do, don’t let his attitude and behaviour stop you from doing things you enjoy. Leave him at home to be disgruntled by himself (they often snap out of it once they realise that you’re going to enjoy yourself anyway).

I hope you get an apology but if you don’t then take my advice and just plan nice things for yourself in future. You can’t help some people enjoy themselves.

Goodness. I hope you don’t live and drive anywhere near me and my loved ones.

Yes.
Stop fucking biting for the sake of it, please.

So where is your car now?

I never once said he was a poor man or it excused his behaviour. I said I could see how the birthday might have been a bit disappointing as initially outlined in the OP. They had both been drinking and emotions were clearly running high. OP explained further and I then agreed with her.

He is not enhancing your life in any way at all. Show him the door. Today.

It could have been the most disappointing birthday ever. It still doesn’t excuse any of his behaviour. It’s an irrelevant point.

@Stretchanoctave my car is still in the city centre. I’ll arrange for someone to give me a lift to pick it up or I’ll get the bus. Either way I’ll get sorted.

Jesus, raise your bar. Why are you wasting energy and resources on this twat.

Your Dad is a star, thank goodness he was able to get you. MY DD2 was unintentionally separated from her then BF on a night out.(Neither to blame). She was left without phone (in BF pocket) No money(uses phone) No keys. She was left walking in an unfamiliar area, make up the next to worst ending you can imagine. It has taken 3 plus years for us to get back on track. Court is next year.
Do not let your husband brush this under the carpet, he put you in serious harms way basically because he is a selfish pig, personally I couldn’t forgive him. I am so glad you are safe. 💐