He left me in city centre…

[Craics90]

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

I know. Joe embarrassing for them.

*how

Yes, it could be the facepalm emoji.

The more of your posts I read, yes you do deserve better. Most or all men will agree.

Hey guys, when you try to infiltrate women's spaces and and try to pull them down, telling them there are two sides to every story and they should stay with an abusive partner, it's so very obvious who you are and what your game is. Well done, OP, you are an inspiration!

<the face palm emoji>

Once, is once too often. OP is in an abusive relationship - ongoing if her updates are anything to go by. Why would you advise her to stay with her abuser ?

Yes she should leave. I have now read all of OP’s updates. Men are not all bad. She deserves a decent guy.

Are you referring to my posts? I understand this website is for parents. I am a parent and grandparent of young women. There is no question that I care about the safety and wellbeing of them and other women. Most men are decent and caring husbands and partners. Don’t throw us under the bus along with OP’s abusive scumbag husband.

@Bill98502 Seems to me, by the time women post a problem on here about their OH, they are beginning to realise they are not married to a good man. It doesn’t come out in the first post. Something triggers them to wonder if they are being unreasonably upset. Follow on posts show they were married to their Prince Charming, who, having trapped them with honey, introduced abuses slowly, so they were barely noticeable / could be shrugged off as a blip , because every marriage has them, right? ‘If I try harder, he will be the way he used to be, he must be having bad day, I messed up, it’s my fault because he said so …and all the while we accept it happened and move on till the next and the next. Boiling the frog. Put it straight into hot water, it jumps out. Put it in cold and turn the heat up slowly, by the time it realises, it’s too late. The frog can’t escape.
Many women can’t either. They have been isolated, controlled and had their self esteem well eroded.

Women get trauma bonded. So used to the highs of the crumbs of niceness and the lows of abuse, it’s like Stockholm syndrome.

So something extra bad happens. The abuse escalates a notch too high and they post on here.
it’s important not to go just by the first post but wait for others as they realise there’s been a pattern for a long time. It often escalates quickly as the discard stage approaches. They find a new target, fresh blood, the obligations to the wife are in the way so they snap and snarl at her. Confused, she seeks outside help, here.

Some like the OP are awesomely strong once they realise they are not wrong to feel it’s too much. It is easy to forget the worst and many can be wooed back into the trap, so support is vital.

OP as @DearDenimEagle has said you are incredibly strong. I hope that you continue to find strength and thankful you have friends and family to support you. You are truly an inspiration to us all x

Thank you. This is a good summary 😊.
Merry Christmas.

You’re well shot of that one and thank god you have such a loving and supportive Daddy.
This time next year you’ll be sorted, settled and happy while your dickhead of an ex will be onto side show Bob no 45.
Head up, you’re over the worst. Wishing you all the love

Why are you replying to yourself @Bill98502

Wishing you and your children a peaceful day OP

He read the room I think (and the OP's posts), and was amending his previous position?

Peace on earth, and all that. 🌟

Hope you had a good Christmas with the kids and family, OP.x.

Lovely time girls, we’re just back from London today. Surprise from my family for Christmas.

It was very nice to have a change of scenery 😊

Haven’t heard much from him, he sent me a card “to my dearest wife” it had the price on the back 🙈 whole load of rambling inside about how two people will always find their way back. Safe to say if found it’s way to the fire.

Hope you legends have had an enjoyable time. Thank you for everything. You’ll never know just how much it meant to me. 💚

Aw you have a good family.

I suppose you will have to start / sort out legal things in January i.e. next week when everyone has returned to work.

Oh op I’m so happy for you
Happy New Year

So glad you’ve had this outcome OP

I must admit I smiled to myself at the fire comment ! 😊

Good for you OP! Here’s to a fabulous 2025.

So pleased to read this.
So clear that you are in a better place.
'25 is going to be such a better year for you.

Ah here she is! Great to know you are doing so well OP and getting the support from your family. Best wishes for 2025!

Well! I've never had a post removed and I've never seen a post about someone who is allergic to peanuts.
As someone who's allergic to peanuts I certainly wouldn't be minimalising it!
And secondly as a victim of spousal abuse I don't minimalise it either.

But every drip feed post on Mumsnet is always a drip feed in the OPs favour and 9 times out of 10 it's when the comments aren't going in the OPs favour.

I'm this case the husband is an abusive dickhead but honestly from the original post the OP did sound unreasonable.