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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He left me in city centre…

881 replies

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

OP posts:
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5
Craics90 · 21/12/2024 14:38

Bumcake · 21/12/2024 13:16

I’ve missed something here, where did the sidepiece come in? Is that who he is staying with now, or who he went off to join on his birthday? Either way I don’t understand why she’s contacting OP, what does she want?

@Bumcake she’s a girl who worked in for him in the office I’ll not sink her by giving details but she’s very young.

Her mam was a friend of mine, would have been in our home about 3 nights a week give or take.

He’s not staying there because junior side piece lives with her mam. Mam is disgusted and I think in disbelief but she’s admitted all.

She writes in her essay that he told her we had finished, but she and her mam had been in with me on the Friday before this all kicked off!

Can you believe the gall? She’s got bigger balls than him that’s for sure.

OP posts:
Craics90 · 21/12/2024 14:44

Thank you all for everything girls. I know we never think it’s going to be us, but if any of you ever find yourself in the middle of this utter shite please keep your head high.

The tears have came on a bit again as I slip further in to madness I’m still relieved.

I think for a long time I knew in my bones there was something not right. Maybe not so much with him but I knew I wasn’t in love anymore.

We had some craic all the same but I’m a firm believer that the craic will be 90 once more and we’ll truly come out on top with the life we deserve.

On another note, found some size 6 knickers from Pennies in a pair of work trousers. Don’t belong to junior and certainly not my own.

Sure if you didn’t laugh you’d cry and we’ll just keep laughing because no bastard should ruin our 60€ lashes 😂

So much love. You’ve been my rocks. 💚

OP posts:
DearDenimEagle · 21/12/2024 14:56

Tears are good. You lost the life you thought you would have when you moved in together. You’ve had to change direction suddenly with a bombshell discovery. Lots to deal with. It’s natural and normal to grieve, even feel a bit sorry for yourself, and tears of anger are likely also , and better to let it out when it hits.

Fannyfiggs · 21/12/2024 15:06

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are a goddess. You have handled this horrible situation with grace and dignity.

... and she kicked the nasty, cheating bastard out, living happily ever after ❤️

PotatoLove · 21/12/2024 15:13

You are bloody fabulous, handling this like a Queen 👸 ❤

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/12/2024 15:15

DearDenimEagle · 21/12/2024 14:56

Tears are good. You lost the life you thought you would have when you moved in together. You’ve had to change direction suddenly with a bombshell discovery. Lots to deal with. It’s natural and normal to grieve, even feel a bit sorry for yourself, and tears of anger are likely also , and better to let it out when it hits.

As above.

But also just to agree that you've coped with this bombshell with dignity and good humour. Glad you have support around you. Wishing you and your DC the best for Xmas.

SayItWithCrystals · 21/12/2024 15:26

Tears are very good, they help with the release and the letting go. As others have said you are handling this like an absolute queen. I’m hoping the sense of freedom gets stronger and that joy returns to your life with it.

tensmum1964 · 21/12/2024 15:28

You sound like an incredibly strong woman and are doing brilliantly. I really hope that you manage to have a lovely Xmas, even with all of this hanging over you. Make 2025 your year and enjoy watching Ex H suffer while you thrive. Xx

TrixieMixie · 21/12/2024 17:49

Don’t open the door EVER AGAIN

InterestedDad37 · 21/12/2024 18:11

He sounds like an absolute bellend, tbh 🙄

EJC69 · 21/12/2024 18:19

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Missmarymack2 · 21/12/2024 18:25

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Are you for real ? Have you actually read the thread?

Plastictrees · 21/12/2024 18:25

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What the hell is wrong with you?! RTFT, ffs, you’ve just wrote a completely pointless essay.

The man is a lying, cheating, abusive bellend for Gods sake.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/12/2024 18:29

@EJC69

Oh dear...

you are days and days behind on this thread

YourDearCat · 21/12/2024 18:33

Is this the norm ? If so sounds like it is time to move on. If this is an isolated incident he needs to see what an arse head he has been and apologetically explain himself. Either way he is totally out of order and has shown you no respect or gratitude. I hope you can resolve one way or another. Good luck. Happy Xmas.

EJC69 · 21/12/2024 18:35

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Marieb19 · 21/12/2024 18:43

Decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. If not, make an appointment with a solicitor. Good luck.

GCAcademic · 21/12/2024 18:44

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What a waste of everyone's time that was.

teaandtwigs · 21/12/2024 18:58

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He's an actual cheating scumbag...she's not paranoid. We've all moved very far on from that first post!

Suzuki76 · 21/12/2024 19:42

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Oh dear. Is someone having a bad day?

MyGod · 21/12/2024 19:49

How does he normally treat you ?

ThankULord · 21/12/2024 19:51

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I am mystified how you got to be old and totally lacking in discernment, comprehension, life experience and knowledge.

Ah... you must be DAH (Darling Asshole Husband).

We see you.

NippyCrab · 21/12/2024 20:01

ThankULord · 21/12/2024 19:51

I am mystified how you got to be old and totally lacking in discernment, comprehension, life experience and knowledge.

Ah... you must be DAH (Darling Asshole Husband).

We see you.

I suspect it's the "junior" judging by that last post 😂

Lalalalalalalalalalaoohoohwee · 21/12/2024 20:02

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:25

@Whoyoutakingto I am so sorry that this happened to your daughter. I really hope she will be ok and get not only justice but some peace. I’m sure you are heartbroken too. Thoughts are with you all 💚

I can’t forgive him either. Six women have been murdered in our city at the hands of men in the space of 12 weeks. Men that they knew, and men that they didn’t know.

I said to him this morning, you know how I feel about the city and being alone. Anything could happen to anyone and you could have told me you wanted to go on and waited until I got a lift out of the way. Instead you left me to it. And hid reply was “nothing happened to you. You got what you deserved, and if something did happen then you would have also gotten what you deserved”

Seriously, leave this guy now. What an absolutely disgusting thing to say to your wife. How can you even bare to be in the same house as someone like that?

WinterCrow · 21/12/2024 20:04

Are we suddenly in a time warp??

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