To feel annoyed when my husband goes for a drink after work (SAHM)

[moussse]

I feel like I am being unreasonable? But are there any other SAHMs who feel this way?

For context, I’m a SAHM, but I wouldn’t say my DH is fully “financing” my lifestyle. We live in a house I own outright (no mortgage), and I cover my personal expenses, like clothes, makeup, and lunches with friends, using my own savings. DH pays for the joint stuff ie bills, groceries, children's clothes, dining out as a couple or family etc.

Here’s the issue: after work, my DH often goes for a beer or two with colleagues or friends. His workday ends around 5 pm, but he usually doesn’t get home until closer to 7 pm because of these outings (it’s about a 30-minute commute). This really frustrates me because I feel he could and should use that time to see our children or help out at home.

We have two kids, aged 1 and 4, who are with me all day, we don’t send them to nursery (my choice, though DH is fine if I wanted to). While DH is helpful when he’s home: he tidies up and cleans after dinner, he doesn’t take the initiative on things like laundry unless I specifically ask, even on weekends. For the most part, I’m the default parent, which I expected and wanted, but it can still be exhausting.

I don’t go out with my friends often, partly because DH struggles with both kids on his own, partly because the kids prefer me to him when I’m away, and partly because I just miss them if I’m out too much.

Am I unreasonable for being annoyed about the pub nights?

This is great advice.

Came here to say that you need to hold the limit, with them and with him, that it's daddy's turn. It might be hard at first as you've all got an embedded routine, but it'll get easier.

He needs to understand that it's natural for them to ask for you as they're more familiar with you at the moment, but that he needs to give them the reassurance that he's going to let them have their emotions but do it anyway.

As for the TV...I'd at least think about taking the plug with me 😅

Okay, maybe not, but can you have a discussion with him about trying not to use it as a default and how it'll be tough the first few times but get easier?

Edited to add....it sounds like he's just a bit demotivated from all the "mummy mummy mummy" as he's helpful around the house so perhaps he needs to talk this through and feel less useless around them? A good friend once pointed out that he feels this way and it made a lot of sense, but that he's with the kids 10% of the time his wife is so of course he's not going to be as effective. When he realised that he felt a lot better about it.