To break up over this? BIL hasn’t left after 5 years!!

[Elise89]

I’ve told DP that I am moving out and he thinks I am being unreasonable and is trying to change my mind. I won’t, but thought I’d ask for other peoples opinions.

I moved in with DP in summer 2019 after a year and half dating. Near Christmas 2019, he asked if his brother could come and stay with us for the holidays for a few weeks (brother lives abroad). I was really excited to meet him and was more than happy for him to spend the holidays with us.

The issue is, he never left! Obviously due to Covid he couldn’t get a flight for quite a while so I was sympathetic to begin with, but it’s coming up to 5 years now and it’s driving me crazy! I basically feel used by both of them, and I’ve tried speaking to my partner so many times, but nothing changes. He doesn’t contribute financially or help round the house. He’s literally sat on my sofa watching TV for 5 years! He did get a part time job after a year or so, and I’ve asked him to give me some money for food shopping and bills, but nothing. He’s able to afford pretty much whatever he wants while I can’t afford new glasses, new clothes etc as all my wages go on bills, travel to work, and food (partner pays the rent as he earns more and our area is expensive to rent).

I’ve had enough and have borrowed money from my parents to put down a deposit on my own little flat, so I’m moving out next week. However I’m getting constantly guilt tripped by DP saying that things will change, he loves me blah blah. Anyway, my mind is made up and I’m fed up of being taken the piss out of!

Please tell me the sofa is yours and you're taking it.

Thank you so much. I was thinking I might cancel some of my Christmas annual leave so I’m not sitting in the flat alone feeling empty. Might be better to be at work and save the holiday for something I’ll enjoy in the summer.

That sounds like a really good plan. 👌

It certainly is and I will be! Although I may just tip it and get a new one, it’s sagging in his area 😂

How have DB and BIL reacted to you saying you're leaving?

Is BIL even apologetic?

He is a user. Selfish and entitled. Older men don't change by the way. I hope you learned your lesson here.

Good for you OP. I’m flabbergasted you lasted five years, but you’ve given them more than enough time to sort themselves out. This is not on you - leave them to it and get on with your life.

The brother pretty much says nothing anyway, so has been predictably silent. My partner, well ex really, has been trying to get me to change my mind but it’s not going to happen, it’s been too long and I’ve had enough of it. Although he’s not actually apologised, just promised things will change which I think is BS to be honest

Take the sofa, tip it, take a picture and stick it to your new fridge.

Mmmmmmmm petty.

He’s just realized what he’s lost! His maid, laundry, cook, cleaner -

Shut that door and don’t look back.

How will you get your stuff out of the house? Won't they object?

FUCKING HELL

OP, along with everyone else here who has read this... I am so glad you are leaving.

Please relish your freedom for these lazy weirdo twits.

AND - no more pant washing.

I hope you enjoy your new home!

The both of them are wet wipes, your BIL a free loading one too.
Well done to you!!!

I’ve not actually passed my driving test yet, but I’ve booked a van and my best friends husband is going to drive it and help me move stuff, so I think it’ll be ok if they are both there with me

Well done on getting out and I hope you are very happy in you’re new home.
Make sure you take your name off the tenancy of the current house as well as taking meter readings and ending your responsibility for the gas, electric, water, council tax, internet and television licence. Leave them with all the bills to sort out. Take any food and laundry products you have paid for and make sure you take all towels, bed linens and other items you paid for or came from your previous home. Let them stew in the mess of their own making.

@Elise89 good plan, good luck!

I’ m sorry but if he’s from an European country and came over in 2019, has he got the papers to be able to work( nino, residency etc) , him and your partner probably knew all along he’s not going back

.

You are absolutely doing the right thing! Your BIL living with you for 5 years, and not contributing financially or in any other way is, quite frankly, disgusting! He should be utterly ashamed of himself (he clearly isn't!) and your partner is either happy with the arrangement or too weak to do anything about the situation. If this situation hasn't changed in 5 years, why would it suddenly change any time soon?!!! Leave your partner and his brother to it. I bet once your partner suddenly has to foot all the bills, his brother living there (rent free!) will soon be an issue!! Enjoy your own space!!

Of course he thinks your being unreasonable
Who's going to wipe his bum now
Ass

Sorry to labour the pp’s point, but cancelling the direct debit is not enough, if any of the bills are in your name you need to contact them and have your name removed otherwise you may still be liable for the bills.

@Elise89 so… is the relationship now over too?

As you can’t move back the way after 5 years then think you can move forward again.
If you don’t end it you will have your b.f acting like your bil except it be on your own space.

I think it’s time for a clean break .

Good for you!
congratulations on your new home and I hope you enjoy it.

Yes it’s over as far as I’m concerned. He’s shown through his behaviour that he doesn’t care about me. He can say what he likes but his actions tell me what I need to know, and he doesn’t care about me at all. Clearly!

I’m still shocked that not only were you cooking for DP and washing his pants, you were doing this for his brother too. 😮