Daughter sent to bed in wet dirty pjs

[namecnge1]

Name changed, regular user but potentially outing.

I am absolutely fuming about this and I need somebody to either confirm that what I'm feeling is valid or whether it's not a big deal and to let it go.

DH and I went out last night for 2 hours which covered DD (19 months old) bedtime. I gave her dinner and a bath and clean pjs then she normally plays with books or quiet toys for half hour before bed.

My Mum & Dad came to ours to put her to bed and babysit until we got home. I told my Dad to help himself to a glass of wine (mum is a recovering alcoholic but doesn't mind others drinking in front of her, 3 years sober but u had an awful childhood due to her drinking and maybe this is why it's stirred up so much for me).

When we got home, Dad told me that DD grabbed his wine glass and spilt a bit of red wine on her and said "oh no!" and we laughed about it. I assumed they'd changed her.

I've got her out of bed this morning, her whole foot of babygrow is stained with red wine plus her whole arm, she stinks of alcohol and now her sleeping bag has red patches on it too (how I know they put her to bed with it wet on her as it's transferred). Clearly a very full glass of wine has split on her.

I called my mum and asked why she wasn't changed? She's a baby covered in wine, her reply was that they didn't know where her pjs are. She's got a chest of drawers and a mini wardrobe, 5 drawers in her bedroom in total, 2 of them are full of clean pjs and babygrows. They weren't hard to find. I told her I'm livid and she told me I'm over reacting and it hasn't ended well.

So my daughter has gone to bed, in wet pjs (not just water but wine ffs) stinks of alcohol to the point I had to bath her this morning because you could smell it on her skin and my Mum thinks that's okay? Please tell me if I'm in the wrong here.

I wouldn't let them look after her again. They don't sound competent.

I'm pretty easy going but that's absolutely disgusting behaviour. Never let them babysit again.

I'm not surprised you're angry, that's really neglectful. I wouldn't trust them to babysit again.

Even if it had been water I would expect it to be changed so she was in dry pyjamas for bed!

I'd also be questioning why your father felt the need to have a drink...when he's babysitting a toddler and his wife is a recovering alcoholic

They definitely should have changed her. Who puts a baby to bed covered in red wine? How did it even happen and where was she? If a full glass had been spilled on her downstairs, wouldn't it have been on the chair/sofa/carpet? It all sounds very suspicious to me.

Surely they could have phoned and asked where they were if they really couldn’t find any?

This. Not fit to be in charge of children.

That's horrible and neglectful.

Were they possibly both drunk? They don't sound reliable enough to care for a child. Upsetting realisation for you, are you OK?

I mean, if they can't even do such a simple task as that, I can't imagine them being reliable in an emergency or dangerous situation, jesus christ!
I'm so sorry for you because it must feel doubly frustrating that on the rare occasion you and your partner get a couple of hours of free time for yourselves, you feel like you can't rely on them.

I don't think you are in the wrong for bring annoyed but I think ou may have overreacted slightly due to past trauma.
It would be great if all grandparents parented to the exact standards we would like.. but in reality most don't.
There are things I'd absolutely be livid about (smoking next to a child, driving without a car seat etc) but this is just one of those things that I'd be annoyed about but give the benefit of the doubt over.
First time my MIL looked after our eldest when he was 1 she changed his nappy and did it back to front but then for some bizarre reason left the sleepsuit on him but put a new set of clothing on top of the dirty baby grow.. it wasn't just a vest either but a whole baby grow with feet etc.. and she put a whole bunch of clothes on top. So not only was he wearing the stained clothing but was sweating from the amount of clothing he then had on.
We had only been gone two hours!!

Grandparents do quite odd things regarding dressing kids sometimes.
Even my own parents who were always better at looking after my kids than my ILs have made some g odd choices regarding my kids. Stuff like not rinsing mu daughters hair when she'd stuck a lollipop in it so it all congealed.

Thing is unless the child was actually in danger or distressed I'd just chalk it up to not being used to caring for young children. And I'd give the benefit of the doubt and just have a calm word about how next time they should change her clothing before bed if she's spilt anything on herself. .. and clearly point out where the clothing is.. or better yet leave a spare set next to her bed.

How bloody weird? On several levels!!

I wouldn't have had a row about it (just not worth it) but I wouldn't be keen on having them have her alone agin.

True! Was the glass of wine really necessary, couldn't he hold off for 2h?

So a young child has fallen asleep all night with wet clothes; stinking like wine - and they're excuse was "we don't know where her clothes are"

Oh come on! That's a pathetic excuse.
Would have taken 2 minutes to go through her bedroom!
I would've called you if I didn't want to go through her bedroom.

That's lazy. Why is he even drinking for a 2 hour babysitting session - especially with a recovering alcoholic wife fgs!

I wouldn't let them babysit again.

@namecnge1 I would be very wary that your Dad doesn't have a drink problem as well? It is basic to change clothes.

My mum wasn't drunk, she hadn't had a drop, trust me I can tell. My dad likes a glass of red but has never been a big drinker. My DH had a bottle open so I told him to help himself to a glass if he wanted.

We live in a flat with wooden floors apart from bedrooms so it had been wiped off the floor.

I'm just so angry and I think the little girl in me is fuming because it's been years of therapy for my mum and I to have a "good" relationship and she's kept to her word and stayed sober and she knows that's the boundary and if she ever goes back then she will not have access to her granddaughter or myself.

I've been in the bath before and DD has come in in her clean pjs and dunked her hand in and DH has changed her into a dry one and put that one on the radiator to dry as only bath water but still, I'd never send her to bed wet let alone wet with alcohol. I'm just really upset.

I don't think you can brand this as "grandparents doing odd things". My own parents and in-laws know how to change dirty clothes for a baby/child, it's not rocket science, is it? Have they said/done odd things, sure, but this is a basic task, sorry.

Are you saying there was wine spilt on her arm and foot ? Yes lasy not to change her as they risked permanently staining the baby- grow and sleeping bag but not dreadful in my opinion . They didn’t harm her.

I’d be upset about this as well, they must have realised the baby had red wine on her, the smell alone would give it away. I would expect her to be changed as well. As others have said, were they both drunk? Do you know how much was drunk while you were out?

Yeah i wouldn't let them babysit again. It's basic care to keep a baby clean and dry, it's not that hard and the fact they left her soaked with wine is not good enough

You ought to be able to trust someone to put a child to bed in dry clothes, and actually not to be drinking when she's still running around so that the drink gets spilled all over her.
I'd probably be looking for other babysitters.

I can understand why you're so upset...the idea of a baby being put to bed in wine soaked clothes is quite distressing....I also had a parent who was an alcoholic op so I see why that aspect has affected you so much.

You should not have told your DF that he could drink wine while babysitting, especially given your DM's history. If you had not offered alcohol it would not have happened.

It all sounds a bit dysfunctional to me.

Does your dad drink a lot? The need to have a glass of wine when babysitting for only a couple of hours is quite strange. Drinking in front of a recovering alcoholic is also a bit off. I think your childhood was so impacted by alcoholic parents you can't even see that this isn't normal behavior.

Why was his glass of wine so close to your daughter that she got it all over herself? Were they clumsy or not watching close enough? What if it had been a hot drink like tea - your daughter could have been seriously hurt.

Neither of them thinking to clean up their granddaughter is also neglectful.

I'm afraid they aren't suitable babysitters and shouldn't be left alone with your DD.

You are not over reacting. I would be furious. I hate the thought of little children being cold and wet in bed 😞 if they couldn't find pyjamas they could have called you, or worse case scenario, put her to bed with a nappy and whatever t shirt they could find and put her in her sleeping bag with an extra blanket on top. There are lots of alternatives to doing nothing.