Daughter sent to bed in wet dirty pjs

[namecnge1]

Name changed, regular user but potentially outing.

I am absolutely fuming about this and I need somebody to either confirm that what I'm feeling is valid or whether it's not a big deal and to let it go.

DH and I went out last night for 2 hours which covered DD (19 months old) bedtime. I gave her dinner and a bath and clean pjs then she normally plays with books or quiet toys for half hour before bed.

My Mum & Dad came to ours to put her to bed and babysit until we got home. I told my Dad to help himself to a glass of wine (mum is a recovering alcoholic but doesn't mind others drinking in front of her, 3 years sober but u had an awful childhood due to her drinking and maybe this is why it's stirred up so much for me).

When we got home, Dad told me that DD grabbed his wine glass and spilt a bit of red wine on her and said "oh no!" and we laughed about it. I assumed they'd changed her.

I've got her out of bed this morning, her whole foot of babygrow is stained with red wine plus her whole arm, she stinks of alcohol and now her sleeping bag has red patches on it too (how I know they put her to bed with it wet on her as it's transferred). Clearly a very full glass of wine has split on her.

I called my mum and asked why she wasn't changed? She's a baby covered in wine, her reply was that they didn't know where her pjs are. She's got a chest of drawers and a mini wardrobe, 5 drawers in her bedroom in total, 2 of them are full of clean pjs and babygrows. They weren't hard to find. I told her I'm livid and she told me I'm over reacting and it hasn't ended well.

So my daughter has gone to bed, in wet pjs (not just water but wine ffs) stinks of alcohol to the point I had to bath her this morning because you could smell it on her skin and my Mum thinks that's okay? Please tell me if I'm in the wrong here.

I am a grandmother and you are completely right imo. They could have phoned and asked where her pjs were. The only possible excuse might be if you had a screaming baby who had finally gone to sleep but even that would be stretching it.

I do check but I honestly wouldn’t have thought to check the foot of the baby gro - just more general right amount of covers etc. I probably wouldn’t strip covers off a sleeping child if their face felt the right temperature.

If you find it suspicious, then what do you think happened?

it was a stained sleeping bag the baby was in

I DO think you have a cheek! - as I said.

If someone does you a favour and you are not happy with how they do it then you simply do not ask them again - end of.

seriously

this is your child
and your parents

not your neighbour bringing in your amazon delivery FFS

Alcohol vanishes at speed - it evaporates. It will have gone before you can blink.

It would only be hypocritical if @Viviennemary were one of the parents you're referring to... Mumsnet users aren't a homogeneous glob.

This is ridicoulas - even if it a glass of water had spilled on their granddaughter they should have changed her into dry pjs for bed rather than put her to bed wet.

How can the OP possibly be to blame?

So if one of my parents/in laws (or anyone) babysits for my children, I should accept all manner of poor decisions because they're 'doing me a favour'? And just think 'Oh well, I won't ask them again!' How silly.

You’re not being unreasonable op but it’s a little odd that you’re cutting your df so much slack. I’m guessing it’s never felt safe to be angry with him, if your dm was unreliable but there’s so much about his behaviour that is clearly a bit off to outsiders.

If my Mum did something really dangerous when looking after my child then I would not use them for babysitting again, and would have a conversation with them.

If they merely accidentally dropped some wine on my child, then I would have no concerns at all. And I certainly would not be ringing them up to tell them off.

When I think of all the times my children have paddled about in mud, got soaked etc. whilst having fun, then it puts a drop of wine in perspective. Your DD splet fine; she did to freeze to death.

slept ....

I think it's disgusting they didn't change your dd. The excuse of 'we didn't know where here pj's were' doesn't wash with me. I too grew up with an alcoholic mother so understand your issues with her

When I think of all the times my children have paddled about in mud, got soaked etc. whilst having fun then it puts a drop of wine in perspective.

...but did you put them to bed in wet clothes?

It's not silly at all - you have a choice. Clearly if something insignificant happens (like this incident) then I would let it drift by; if they made a poor decision that was dangerous then I would not.

No but they might have been in wet clothes for hours, or on a long journey home - they are just fine!

I don't consider knowingly putting a baby to bed in wet clothes to be 'insignificant' but we all have different standards of care that we expect from others.

I am suggesting you do not use them again because they are clearly not able to meet your exacting standards - it is not fair on them. As indeed it is not fair to grumble at them. Why would they want to come and help you if this is what they are going to get?

Your child came to no harm whatsoever. End of.

Was the child in wet clothes? - one glass of rapidly evaporating alcohol? - unless they put her straight to bed, much of it would have been gone.

Now, putting her to bed in truly drenched clothes is different - but still not dangerous.

I wouldn't let them watch your daughter again. They clearly aren't competent to look after her. Why did your dad feel the need to have a glass of wine when your mum is a recovering alcoholic? And no way they should of left her in wet stinking pj's that's bang out of order

Who puts a toddler to bed when they've had a drink spilt over them? Let alone it being wine - she'll have been sticky! Revolting

And yes, I'd have questioned them too¬

Didn't you then bath and dry them before putting them to bed?

It’s not ideal and I’m obviously in the minority here, but I think you’ve overreacted.

FYI a lot of what's in wine is not alcohol and won't evaporate quickly.