Daughter sent to bed in wet dirty pjs

[namecnge1]

Name changed, regular user but potentially outing.

I am absolutely fuming about this and I need somebody to either confirm that what I'm feeling is valid or whether it's not a big deal and to let it go.

DH and I went out last night for 2 hours which covered DD (19 months old) bedtime. I gave her dinner and a bath and clean pjs then she normally plays with books or quiet toys for half hour before bed.

My Mum & Dad came to ours to put her to bed and babysit until we got home. I told my Dad to help himself to a glass of wine (mum is a recovering alcoholic but doesn't mind others drinking in front of her, 3 years sober but u had an awful childhood due to her drinking and maybe this is why it's stirred up so much for me).

When we got home, Dad told me that DD grabbed his wine glass and spilt a bit of red wine on her and said "oh no!" and we laughed about it. I assumed they'd changed her.

I've got her out of bed this morning, her whole foot of babygrow is stained with red wine plus her whole arm, she stinks of alcohol and now her sleeping bag has red patches on it too (how I know they put her to bed with it wet on her as it's transferred). Clearly a very full glass of wine has split on her.

I called my mum and asked why she wasn't changed? She's a baby covered in wine, her reply was that they didn't know where her pjs are. She's got a chest of drawers and a mini wardrobe, 5 drawers in her bedroom in total, 2 of them are full of clean pjs and babygrows. They weren't hard to find. I told her I'm livid and she told me I'm over reacting and it hasn't ended well.

So my daughter has gone to bed, in wet pjs (not just water but wine ffs) stinks of alcohol to the point I had to bath her this morning because you could smell it on her skin and my Mum thinks that's okay? Please tell me if I'm in the wrong here.

I totally agree with you. Putting our children to bed in clean DRY clothes is the bare minimum really as a parent and they couldn't even do that

How are they ‘not used to caring for young children’? They had their own young children once.

OP’s not overreacting either. Who the hell puts a baby to bed in red-wine-soaked clothing?

So sorry to read this OP. Given what you’ve said, do you think your mother was actually sober? Has she relapsed?

How was OP at fault?

That's awful OP.

I'd be fucking raging too. Your poor daughter.

I agree it's not great and the baby should have been changed, but there are worse things that could have happened. What if it had been a steaming mug of hot coffee?

Presumably the child slept so mustn't have been in that much discomfort?

@TitusMoan

if you'd read the OP's posts you'd know the answer to that.

she hasn't had a drink.

If yiur father can't go more then a few hours without alcohol they shouldn't watch your DC. Like above poster even a water spill you would find something clean and dry to change them.

I'd be angry too but it would be my dad I was calling and directing the anger at as he is the one who splilt the wine.

so they never babysit again, that’s it. This was a topic a while ago when overwhelming everyone was saying oh it’s fine to drink and babysit… but it does impact decision making as you can see here.

Actually the cup of tea could have been much much worse.

I suspect that you have genuinely been triggered because of your history of growing up in an alcoholic home.

I totally get your annoyance but ultimately no harm was done. Next time pay a babysitter and don't put your mum in the vicinity of alcohol.

what possessed you to even mention alcohol given the back story

weird

They wouldn’t be looking after my child again. They’re not competent. They assessed the situation and decided it was okay to send her to bed wet and covered in wine.

I don't understand why everyone is obsessing about the wine. OP said only one glass has gone and we know most of that spilled. That wouldn't make most people incapable of babysitting. And OP never said he NEEDED a glass of wine. Why does everyone keep saying that? He had it because he likes it and was offered a glass as a treat. Loads of parents drink moderately around kids. People wouldn't say someone NEEDED chocolate, or coffee, or crisps if they had them of a Saturday evening babysitting.

And i never understand the what if there was an emergency argument anyway, as unless the child is known to be unwell or something, the chances are pretty small, and you'd either get a taxi or ambulance depending on severity. No one ever says people who can't drive or can't afford a car shouldn't have kids in case they need to take them to a&e! But in this case only one of the adults there was drinking so it's irrelevant.

However, obviously it's not great childcare and you are understandably annoyed. But unless you think it happened because of drunkenness, which it doesn't sound like you do, the fact it was wine isn't really relevant, or the fact that your mother is a recovering alcoholic, so perhaps mentioning that suggests it has triggered you.

One though that springs to mind is if they feel they can go rifling through drawers in the house? Common sense suggests they should have to find clean clothes but not everyone would feel comfortable unless explicitly told, this is where spare clothes are if needed.

did you not check up on her before you went to bed?

Actually just wondering if it's their way of ensuring you don't ask them to babysit again!

That's rubbish OP, I'd be unhappy about my child being wet and smelling of booze.
It's madness that neither of them thought to change her, I'm sure you would have had no issue with them going through her drawers to find clean PJs or even texting you to ask where they are.

the thought that neither you nor your husband went to check on her before going to bed yourselves… unfathomable

i still do with mine and they are many years older

how often do you usually leave your child in their sole care?

If you’re babysitting a toddler for an evening, one of the very basic things to achieve is to put her to bed clean and dry. Some of the responses here “at least they didn’t pour turps down her throat” - I mean, really! YANBU, OP.

I don't think you are in the wrong for bring annoyed but I think ou may have overreacted slightly due to past trauma.

I don’t agree and think that it was wine was a bit of a red herring. It could would have been the same with a sweet or brightly coloured soft drink. Not being able to find a clean babygro is such a lame excuse. They just couldn’t be bothered to look.

as the child of an alcoholic, it is weird

you know first hand the utter shit alcohol causes so to actually offer it to the people you are leaving your baby in their sole care of… bloody weird

You don't think a baby going to sleep in a wet, wine-stained baby grow that she will smell all night is a problem?

but not as weird as neither the op nor her husband checking up on the baby before they went to bed!!

Why would she need to? I have a son who is a bit older, I'm generally not in the habit of going into his room when he's asleep.

@namecnge1 I'm a pretty easy going parent and this would really bother me. I would be disappointed if someone put my child to be in wet clothes. If they didn't know where the spares were they should have called you.

Of course you will have people on here suggesting that if you accept free childcare you should also accept all manner of poor decisions made in your absense...

She no doubt popped her head round the door as most would but I doubt felt the need to remove bedding to check PJs etc weren't wet with spilt booze.

It’s not really something you’d think of checking for. If she is fast asleep with covers on, you wouldn’t normally pull them back on the off chance she is covered in red wine!