Daughter sent to bed in wet dirty pjs

[namecnge1]

Name changed, regular user but potentially outing.

I am absolutely fuming about this and I need somebody to either confirm that what I'm feeling is valid or whether it's not a big deal and to let it go.

DH and I went out last night for 2 hours which covered DD (19 months old) bedtime. I gave her dinner and a bath and clean pjs then she normally plays with books or quiet toys for half hour before bed.

My Mum & Dad came to ours to put her to bed and babysit until we got home. I told my Dad to help himself to a glass of wine (mum is a recovering alcoholic but doesn't mind others drinking in front of her, 3 years sober but u had an awful childhood due to her drinking and maybe this is why it's stirred up so much for me).

When we got home, Dad told me that DD grabbed his wine glass and spilt a bit of red wine on her and said "oh no!" and we laughed about it. I assumed they'd changed her.

I've got her out of bed this morning, her whole foot of babygrow is stained with red wine plus her whole arm, she stinks of alcohol and now her sleeping bag has red patches on it too (how I know they put her to bed with it wet on her as it's transferred). Clearly a very full glass of wine has split on her.

I called my mum and asked why she wasn't changed? She's a baby covered in wine, her reply was that they didn't know where her pjs are. She's got a chest of drawers and a mini wardrobe, 5 drawers in her bedroom in total, 2 of them are full of clean pjs and babygrows. They weren't hard to find. I told her I'm livid and she told me I'm over reacting and it hasn't ended well.

So my daughter has gone to bed, in wet pjs (not just water but wine ffs) stinks of alcohol to the point I had to bath her this morning because you could smell it on her skin and my Mum thinks that's okay? Please tell me if I'm in the wrong here.

Also weird that only one glass is gone from the bottle. If DD spilled most of it over herself and the floor - why didn't DF go and top his glass back up again?

i suppose it depends how you check

I would go over to cot and look in

poking your head around the door… doesn’t really achiever much but even if that was all that was done.. the op would have smelt the red wine

probably finished the bottle, went out and got another identical and had just a glass from that

You are not overreacting.

They didn’t know where her PJs were so they should have either asked or just looked!

Would they have changed her if it was vomit or poo?

That's horrendous. Put it this way when I was a teen a babysat the neighbours children. One time one of them got chocolate on their pjs so I changed him and then his brother wanted to have a clean pair on also so I changed him too. I told their parents when they came in and they said that was thoughtful. I was 15 ffs I knew better than these grandparents and it was only a bit of chocolate, certainly not wet and certainly not alcohol. wtf

@DandySnail you seem to think that this is OP's fault, because she didn't check whether her parents had covered her child's pyjamas in wine before putting her to bed, after her parents had covered her baby's pyjamas in wine before putting her to bed.

I'm failing to see your logic here.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to be angry - I’d be angry too.

Id have assumed if your Dad wanted a glass of wine then he’d have it AFTER the baby he was looking after was in bed, not before.

It’s disgusting.

She could have sucked on it.

She’ll be fine oP; she probably didn’t mind the smell and would have cried if the damp bothered her. I’m sure she didn’t suck on it - but then as responsible adults we take precautions anyway.

It was weird behaviour.

Maybe it wasn't immediately obvious? (though you'd have thought it would have stank?!)

He probably got half a dozen, and necked them on the way home...🙄

Oh I don’t know. I always come home to a babysitter and think “perhaps I’d better just check the baby hasn’t been doused in alcohol.” Don’t we all assume that’s something to check off the list?

I think the shock, and memories of childhood trauma, came flooding back when you found your DD in such a state.

No one, as you can see, would blame you one bit for feeling all the revulsion and upset seeing your DD covered with and stinking of wine.

You say you know your mum wasn't drinking and that your dad isn't a big drinker, the floor was wiped clean, yes, an awful state to leave your baby DD.

However, maybe you can ( try) to push this upset out of the way this once?

Give them the ( generous) benefit of doubt, maybe they didn't want to search through drawers for another pj.

I know, hard to imagine, you say you trust your mum not to drink when minding your child , I would given them another opportunity.

Personally, I wouldn't be impressed with your mum saying you'd over reacted, that wasn't a good way to say she was sorry.

ok so to be clear

the op offers alcohol to her father who she’s about to leave in sole care of her daughter knowing full well the horror she endured at the hands of her alcoholic mother. Just no need. I am the child of an alcoholic. If you know, you know

We don’t know how often they have sole care of her daughter

The op gets back and it would seem doesn’t go to check up on her daughter and nor does her partner. To me, that is pretty striking. I thought everyone did a last minute baby check before going to bed, especially after she’s been in the care of others

I don’t really get why the stain or smell is such a big deal? It’s not like wine has a particularly unpleasant smell- it’s a consumable.
obvioualy wet is not ok, but I’m presuming they wiped/ patted dry even if the clothes were stained. Being stained and smelly doesn’t mean she went to bed wet.

Aside from the fact the lazy bastards didnt bother to change her, if she'd chewed on her pj's arm as my dd used to shed have been consuming alcohol. 😬

Nah… didn’t know where the baby grows were…

i would do a last minute baby baby check before going to bed every night

doesn’t everyone?

especially after left with a babysitter

im right in thinking op doesn’t mention how often her parents have some care of her daughter?

Why are you presuming that the OP didn't check? Maybe give her the chance to comment before you make shit up?

I would be very annoyed.

I don’t have any kids, I have never babysat for kids and never changed a nappy. However even I know to change a child who is in wet clothes before putting her to bed. I would also have the sense to look around said child’s room for clean clothes. Even if I couldn’t find anything I would take the soiled clothes off and try hand washing the worst out and make sure the baby was tucked up warm under whatever bedding they had as a dry baby is going to be warmer than a wet baby with more layers on.

A couple who have had their own child should
be able to do this.

ok, but if stank so much.., i’m surprised that if did check… wasn’t smelt!

No you're not overeacting at all.

The smell of red wine is potent it reminds me of vomit.

Calling children of alcoholics…. i’m not alone in thinking WTF in offering alcohol to a couple alone with your child when pne person in said couple is an alcoholic, you endured the shit show and seen firsthand how awful it is

It’s utterly appalling. In fact the having a glass of wine is not the issue. It’s the spilling of it, and not cleaning the baby up, then compounding it by putting her down wet. If it had been water, or coke, if she had been soaked in urine it would have been appalling too, although the red wine trumps them all.

Neither of them are fit to look after a child if they think any of that is acceptable ( paid or otherwise ). I am shocked anyone is making excuses for this.

I agree that the grandparents should ideally have changed your daughter, but I think your reaction was really over the top. Youve said yourself that one foot and one arm were stained, so it's not as if she was left soaking wet, or 'covered' in wine as you later said. You've already said that you won't be asking your parents to babysit again, but I suspect they wouldn't be willing to do so after how you've behaved.

Reading on here how many parents drink wine etc in the evening once the children are in bed that sounds rather hypocritical!