Daughter sent to bed in wet dirty pjs

[namecnge1]

Name changed, regular user but potentially outing.

I am absolutely fuming about this and I need somebody to either confirm that what I'm feeling is valid or whether it's not a big deal and to let it go.

DH and I went out last night for 2 hours which covered DD (19 months old) bedtime. I gave her dinner and a bath and clean pjs then she normally plays with books or quiet toys for half hour before bed.

My Mum & Dad came to ours to put her to bed and babysit until we got home. I told my Dad to help himself to a glass of wine (mum is a recovering alcoholic but doesn't mind others drinking in front of her, 3 years sober but u had an awful childhood due to her drinking and maybe this is why it's stirred up so much for me).

When we got home, Dad told me that DD grabbed his wine glass and spilt a bit of red wine on her and said "oh no!" and we laughed about it. I assumed they'd changed her.

I've got her out of bed this morning, her whole foot of babygrow is stained with red wine plus her whole arm, she stinks of alcohol and now her sleeping bag has red patches on it too (how I know they put her to bed with it wet on her as it's transferred). Clearly a very full glass of wine has split on her.

I called my mum and asked why she wasn't changed? She's a baby covered in wine, her reply was that they didn't know where her pjs are. She's got a chest of drawers and a mini wardrobe, 5 drawers in her bedroom in total, 2 of them are full of clean pjs and babygrows. They weren't hard to find. I told her I'm livid and she told me I'm over reacting and it hasn't ended well.

So my daughter has gone to bed, in wet pjs (not just water but wine ffs) stinks of alcohol to the point I had to bath her this morning because you could smell it on her skin and my Mum thinks that's okay? Please tell me if I'm in the wrong here.

Presented with this scenario I would imagine that they'd actually gone to check on your DD when she was asleep with a large glass of wine in hand and then spilled it over her - not wanted to wake her up to change her, and so come up with a story to explain it.

It does sound as though your dad may also have more of a problem with alcohol than anyone is admitting.

Calling you pathetic is not on.
They should have just apologised.
I do think you are overreacting slightly however your mum should understand why given your childhood.. and the fact that she's called you pathetic instead of just apologising and reassuring you it won't happen again is pretty awful.
About the event itself tho.. on its own I do think it's an overreaction.. it sounds like there was just some wine on the sleeve and foot of the PJs.. this could be something they just didn't notice. Given that they cleaned up the spill from the floor and given that you say they weren't drunk and there was only one glass gone from the bottle... would it just be that the smell has triggered you? I doubt your daughter was uncomfortable. I bet she didn't even notice. On the face of it it just sounds like an innocent mistake.
However if she called you pathetic I be pretty livid.

If you are babysitting a baby or child you shouldn’t be drinking. What if there was an emergency and you needed to take baby immediately to A&E in the car?

It is just basic care to ensure a child isn't wet/hungry/uncomfortable.

I know some posters here don't see it as a big deal...
But putting a little girl to bed wet and stinking of red wine is horrible and I would be disgusted if my parent did that.

I’m a granny and of course I’d have changed dgc , put the sleepsuit to soak at the very least, and made sure she had no wine on her skin. Care doesn’t get much more basic than that does it.
If they can’t manage the very basics how would they cope in an emergency? Better to find a capable babysitter.

I'd be angry too, it shows a lack of basic care and attention. It'd make me concerned if they have her again. I find it really strange.

Was out at friends last night and the most popular dessert was a biscoffi cheesecake someone made (I found a friend scrapping the plate for the remaining crumbs).

I'm a lemon torte fan.

OP has said neither appeared drunk and only one glass was gone from the bottle. And also that she specifically offered a glass of the wine as she knew her DF liked it.
It sounds like they would have been fine to drive.

I think this is ott given the context. Sure if it's a paid for babysitting role. But this is unpaid grandparents. So, in the same way most parents would be perfectly happy to have a drink or two occasionally once their well dcs are put to bed, or to not be able to drive, or to not have a car - as then they'd just taxi it if need be - it's fine.

No, you're not over reacting OP.

If your father really couldn't spend the evening babysitting his grandchild without drinking alcohol surely he could at least waited until she was asleep. And how the hell did a small child get close enough to a glass of booze that it got spilled on her.

They don't sound trustworthy nor competent enough to look after a child. In your shoes I wouldn't be letting them babysit again

Putting a child to bed when wet is not ok

@namecnge1 Very risky having an alcoholic around wine.

Why even tempt your mum like that?
It’s going to be a pull for her, surely, to see and smell the booze?

All of you were at fault in a way.

You are not overreacting at all!!
Loving grandparents care about their grandchild's comfort and safety
As you said, the clean clothes were staring them in the face!!
It could've been her face and she ingested some
I was a laid back parent when my DS's were babies but that is so much more important.
Personally I wouldn't leave her with them again.
Why couldn't he just have a cup of tea instead of wine anyway?

I can't imagine red wine next to sensitive baby skin is very beneficial either.

it sounds like you are overreacting a bit which is understandable with your childhood. It was only wine not turps, they didn’t spill it down her throat and she probably just went to sleep a bit damp. It’s not ideal and I wouldn’t be jumping to have them babysit again but it’s not worth a family rift.

What was their excuse about not finding clean clothes and changing her when you said there was plentiful in reach?

It’s the stupidest excuse I’ve ever heard. If I spilt something on a toddler and I didn’t know where her clothing was, I would open up her drawers. If I was really stuck, I would call a parent. That easy

This is basic looking after a child surely? Even if you don't know where things are you look for them or contact you to ask.

I wouldn't let them do this again.

I’d be fuming.

When we had DGS for a sleepover I put a clean pair of pyjamas out, ready to be grabbed in the night, in case his nappy leaked or he was sick or something. If I’d have been at his house, I’d have looked for a clean pair. He’s only got a few drawers.

YANBU at all @namecnge1 it’s not as if they had to trek down the high street to find a new pair of pyjamas is it?

Don't blame the OP! It could have happened with a glass of water, the main point is them putting her to bed in a wet baby grow.

@namecnge1 yeah I'd be pissed off they'd put her to bed in a wet baby grow and a bit more pissed off that they'd put her to bed to sleep in the fumes of wine. It's a horrible smell to sleep with! ( I drink wine, and would change if I'd spilt it on my PJ's.. hypothetically as I don't wear any!!)

id also be massively pissed off they hadn't taken her baby grow off & tried to rinse the wine out & left it soaking so it didn't stain, and not also ruining a sleep bag!

I do think it's triggering you though, naturally!!. Try to think how you'd feel if it was orange squash.

Of course you aren't over reacting. I am really struggling to imagine what sort of person puts a baby to bed with red fucking wine all over their sleepsuit - even if just splashes, it is grim.

I can't even stand a slightly wet sleeve and have to take it off. Poor baby would have been uncomfortable, it would have been cold too, plus the smell...

Obviously don't trust them again OP. Their standards aren't up to much so I wouldn't consider my dd entirely safe in their care tbh.

lol. As a recovering alcoholic I can tell you it’s not a problem for us, what a bizarre thing to say.

neglectful they didn’t change her though, how weird.

This is what I thought too . Obviously better if they had changed her and they don’t sound very competent, but I wouldn’t be “fuming” about this (especially since they were doing you a favour babysitting ) . Presumably she wasn’t soaking wet when they put her to bed, I’m sure they would have patted her/ wiped her dry even if the clothes were a bit stained/ smelly. I think you are overreacting.

I think your childhood has obviously affected you and possibly caused you to be angrier than you might have been, but their basic lack of brain/care would have made me cross, even without the background. My mum is STILL an alcoholic, I absolutely empathise. Don’t leave the little one with them again.

Don't be daft. Her Mum has said it doesn't bother her when others drink around her, her Dad took the opportunity to enjoy a nice glass of red wine offered to him without having to leave an open bottle of wine in his home with his wife.

accidents happen, the wine got spilled.

her mum didn't drink.