Daughter sent to bed in wet dirty pjs

[namecnge1]

Name changed, regular user but potentially outing.

I am absolutely fuming about this and I need somebody to either confirm that what I'm feeling is valid or whether it's not a big deal and to let it go.

DH and I went out last night for 2 hours which covered DD (19 months old) bedtime. I gave her dinner and a bath and clean pjs then she normally plays with books or quiet toys for half hour before bed.

My Mum & Dad came to ours to put her to bed and babysit until we got home. I told my Dad to help himself to a glass of wine (mum is a recovering alcoholic but doesn't mind others drinking in front of her, 3 years sober but u had an awful childhood due to her drinking and maybe this is why it's stirred up so much for me).

When we got home, Dad told me that DD grabbed his wine glass and spilt a bit of red wine on her and said "oh no!" and we laughed about it. I assumed they'd changed her.

I've got her out of bed this morning, her whole foot of babygrow is stained with red wine plus her whole arm, she stinks of alcohol and now her sleeping bag has red patches on it too (how I know they put her to bed with it wet on her as it's transferred). Clearly a very full glass of wine has split on her.

I called my mum and asked why she wasn't changed? She's a baby covered in wine, her reply was that they didn't know where her pjs are. She's got a chest of drawers and a mini wardrobe, 5 drawers in her bedroom in total, 2 of them are full of clean pjs and babygrows. They weren't hard to find. I told her I'm livid and she told me I'm over reacting and it hasn't ended well.

So my daughter has gone to bed, in wet pjs (not just water but wine ffs) stinks of alcohol to the point I had to bath her this morning because you could smell it on her skin and my Mum thinks that's okay? Please tell me if I'm in the wrong here.

Well you are entitled to your opinion but I do think if the op knows for a fact neither of them were drunk then this may have just been a silly decision based on under confidence. Perhaps they just thought it would dry and they were unsure if it was OK to root about looking for new clothing, or maybe thought they'd get flack for not putting her in the right things if they changed her...
The wrong call obviously but hardly malicious. Especially if they aren't used to looking after her.
I think it can probably be resolved with a chat rather than anger tbh.

Literally a glass full of wine roughly was gone out of the bottle (we have no other alcohol in the house) so it must have been split and then Dad drunk whatever was left in the glass, neither of them were drunk at all but they won't be babysitting again.

I'm not even worried about the pjs being stained, I've actually sprayed it with some vanish spray and washed it in a load this morning and it's come out anyway. I'm sad that my daughter has gone to bed obviously uncomfortable, I wouldn't want to go to bed with a wet arm that smells of alcohol and a wet foot.

Why are you solely blaming your mum? It was your dad who spilled wine on your daughter, but both your posts are about you being disgusted with your mum.

Neither would I, and neither would they, I bet.

I never understand anyone babysitting that needs to drink alcohol. Surely your dad could have managed a few hours without a glass of wine? As for putting a child to bed in wet clothing stinking of alcohol that’s disgusting and neglectful imo. They wouldn’t be babysitting again if that was my child.

I would be annoyed too. Obviously pjs will be in a drawer in her bedroom.

My parents once babysat and I came home to my dd smelling like she had pooed. She had pooed several hours earlier and mum had ran out of wipes mid clean. Instead of looking for more wipes or finding something else to clean her with mum had opted to cover her in sudocream. So a layer of shit, a layer of sudocream and then a clean nappy! I was not impressed!!

Because I called the house phone and Mum answered, I'm equally as angry at both of them but Mum was the one who told me I'm over reacting and being pathetic.

That doesn't explain this, when you believe that she didn't drink any of the wine:

I'm just so angry and I think the little girl in me is fuming because it's been years of therapy for my mum and I to have a "good" relationship and she's kept to her word and stayed sober and she knows that's the boundary and if she ever goes back then she will not have access to her granddaughter or myself.

What!!!!

Dad happens to like the wine my DH had open, I offered him a glass, a glass of wine whilst looking after a toddler is not neglectful in my opinion.

I rarely ever have a drink because of scars of my childhood but when I go out with friends for dinner or whatever and it's the weekend, DH will have a glass of wine whilst DD is in bed, I don't see a problem with that.

It's not my fault that they didn't change my toddler to clean pjs when she was in their care.

They are not competent babysitters, sadly.

Next time you’ll have to just cook a nice meal at home for yourselves so that you can be sure your dd is safe.

I don't think you are over-reacting, I'd be pretty annoyed about that but please don't let this one incident ruin your relationship with your parents. They didn't mean it, they probably feel awful about it and didn't realise quite how much your baby's nightwear was stained.

Please put it behind you now, nobody died - and nobody is perfect.

@SereneFish I'm just trying to paint the picture of the dynamics between myself and my Mum instead of drip feeding.

Even if pjs can't be found there would generally be something suitable for one night that's dry!

What everyone else said but like a pp I also noted that your ire seems to be directed more at your mum, when it was in fact your father who had the wine and was thus the more responsible for the spill.

I'm not going to permanently fall out with them over it but I wanted to know if I was over reacting or justified in being upset and angry that my toddler went to bed in wet pjs stinking of alcohol.

Please put it behind you now, nobody died - and nobody is perfect.

That's a very low bar!

Common sense that you don't put anyone to bed in wet night clothes.

I'd think that they just didn't care enough to make the necessary effort.

Not such a great crime - not ideal, but I think you are over-reacting. And I think you have a darned cheek to ring them up and carp about it when they have done you the favour of babysitting.

What would worry me is a babysitter drinking alcohol whilst in charge of a child, but you clearly feel that Mum has done well in her recovery and is safe to look after your DD on her own now - which is quite an achievement on her part.

Pay for a babysitter if you are not satisfied with what your parents have to offer.

I get it, yeah I've probably aimed a bit more anger towards my Mum because of how I grew up and her being an alcoholic damaged me in a lot of ways mentally. She should have known as well as my Dad that they should have found clean pjs for her.

What does your DH think? With your past experience I'd expect you to feel unable to trust whether your bar is at the right place on this but I do think you're right to be angry and say never again.
Personally I'd be absolutely furious. I've offered my MIL wine when babysitting (she's perfectly capable of polishing off wine in an evening with us, but always turns down wine when babysitting) I'd be fine with her relaxing with a glass or 2 while the children were asleep but I would NOT expect her to be drinking while they were awake.

Yeah I don't think I'd be too happy either tbh, not to mention to possibility of alcohol being absorbed through the skin (is that even a thing) but I'd be worried with her being so young still, and I think anyone would know to find pjs in her bedroom, sounds like they just couldn't be arsed imo

I don't think I have a cheek ringing my parents asking them why they thought it was acceptable to send my TODDLER to bed in wet alcohol smelling stained clothes. I'd be doing the same if it was a paid babysitter. For the record, we left £30 for them to get a take away as a thank you.

Would anyone put a baby to bed in wet/dirty pyjamas?!
You are not over reacting OP. I wouldn’t be allowing them to babysit her again.

It's what it triggers isn't it. The PJs in isolation you could forget but not when you had such a dysfunctional and possiblly neglectful childhood. It'll bring it all back, childhood trauma just lies beneath the surface really and situations like this will unleash the hurt and anger.

Just give yourself time to process it. You are entitled to be upset snd disappointed. Hopefully if they are good grandparents in every other way you can get past this.

Fwiw agree wirh others no-one should be drinking with an alcoholic present even if they say they don't mind.

Reading your post I thought it was going to be covered in wee and poo. I don't think it's ideal but I don't think its the end of the world. My mother in law is a filthy so and so though and by her standards it isn't too bad.