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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say there is no way I'm looking after DHs kids this weeknd?

174 replies

prettymuchsumsit · 13/12/2024 19:24

Husband shares DD (8) & DS (11) with his ex. Kids are here 2 nights one week, 3 the next. This weekend is not our weekend for them to stay.

Husband is away this weekend at a wedding, I'm not going as I was going to stay home with our toddler.

I've been feeling like rubbish all week, lethargic, head ache, generally run down. My parents have agreed to have our toddler tomorrow day and night so I can have some time to myself. I NEVER get time to myself so I am desperately looking forward to it.

Husbands ex quite often works overtime at the weekend and we tend to have the kids stay when she does. She asked him yesterday about this weekend because it's the run up to Christmas and she could do with the money.

Husband said he couldn't, I was asked. I said no.

There have since been more messages from ex asking again if there is any way we can.

Aibu to say no? I feel like utter crap and just want some time to myself. The last time I was alone in the house was probably over a year ago and we are flexible often when she asks.

I'm worried I'm going to get the whole oh but they don't really need much looking after talk but we all know that's never usually the case and frankly I just can't be arsed with it this weekend I am desperate for some time.

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 13/12/2024 19:26

Just say no

Oaoejvr · 13/12/2024 19:26

Stand firm; you’ve got plans this weekend, end of.

Dweetfidilove · 13/12/2024 19:27

No, you're perfectly entitled to a weekend off.

Therealjudgejudy · 13/12/2024 19:30

Say no. Stop being a doormat for your husband and his ex...

Himawarigirl · 13/12/2024 19:32

Say your parents are looking after your toddler as you’re ill. If you’re too ill to look after one child she can’t expect you to manage her two.

forrestgreen · 13/12/2024 19:32

'I'm sorry I have plans. I can't take them this time'
Implies you've done the favour before but can't this time

TheSilentSister · 13/12/2024 19:33

Stick to your guns. Not your problem. You're already run down, so much so that your parents are having your own child. Do not fold.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 13/12/2024 19:33

She can send all the messages she likes. You're not well. You've made arrangements for the care of your child so you have the opportunity to rest and recuperate. If she's agreed overtime without arranging childcare, it isn't your concern. Turn your phone off (or set it so only your parents can call because of your toddler), put whatever box set on you fancy and have a break.

BlueMum16 · 13/12/2024 19:36

This is between your DP and his ex. He's unavailable. She needs to care for her own children.

Trickabrick · 13/12/2024 19:36

”Sorry I can’t help this time, I’m not well enough to look after one child hence my parents are having DD so I can recover”

RJnomore1 · 13/12/2024 19:37

Also you don’t want to pass that to them a week before Christmas

PullTheBricksDown · 13/12/2024 19:37

Himawarigirl · 13/12/2024 19:32

Say your parents are looking after your toddler as you’re ill. If you’re too ill to look after one child she can’t expect you to manage her two.

This.

RenoDakota · 13/12/2024 19:38

Your time is just as important as hers. Of course you can and should say no.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 13/12/2024 19:38

You sure don't need to apologise for being ill. Heck you aren't even having your own dc!!

Fireworknight · 13/12/2024 19:39

You can’t, but if Dh wants to help then he can cancel going to the wedding.

Enjoy your child-free time, and I hope you feel better soon.

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 13/12/2024 19:39

Unfortunately I can’t on this occasion, I feel awful and need to rest. I can assure you the children don’t want this in time for Christmas.

dreamer24 · 13/12/2024 19:41

Hell no! Sounds like a problem for their parents to sort between them. Get well soon OP.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 13/12/2024 19:42

Repeat to DH’s ex that he is away and you have plans with your parents so can’t have them.

if dh pressures you, say if he wants to cancel going away, he can do that, but you aren’t doing it.

snotathing · 13/12/2024 19:42

You said no. Why is your husband continuing to ask you to do it?

RosieLeaf · 13/12/2024 19:43

Nope. She’s had her answer, she’s just pestering now.

I wouldn’t even reply.

Brandyb · 13/12/2024 19:43

Himawarigirl · 13/12/2024 19:32

Say your parents are looking after your toddler as you’re ill. If you’re too ill to look after one child she can’t expect you to manage her two.

Just this. It's the truth

OhMelville · 13/12/2024 19:44

No. No. No a million times over! For your own mental and physical health… you need this night off!!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 13/12/2024 19:44

snotathing · 13/12/2024 19:42

You said no. Why is your husband continuing to ask you to do it?

He's not. His ex is.

Oodydoody · 13/12/2024 19:44

Another poor woman who is seen by her husband and ex as the skivvy aupair to their children.

That loser your married should cancel the wedding.

Your parents are looking after his child because you are unwell and he wants you to look after his other children so he can go to a wedding and his ex can work.

Unbelievable.
You are clearly a mug to be used by them both.
You deserve better.
Hope you feel better son.

2025willbemytime · 13/12/2024 19:46

You're poorly. No. Surely she wouldn't want her kids sick for Christmas..