To say there is no way I'm looking after DHs kids this weeknd?

[prettymuchsumsit]

Husband shares DD (8) & DS (11) with his ex. Kids are here 2 nights one week, 3 the next. This weekend is not our weekend for them to stay.

Husband is away this weekend at a wedding, I'm not going as I was going to stay home with our toddler.

I've been feeling like rubbish all week, lethargic, head ache, generally run down. My parents have agreed to have our toddler tomorrow day and night so I can have some time to myself. I NEVER get time to myself so I am desperately looking forward to it.

Husbands ex quite often works overtime at the weekend and we tend to have the kids stay when she does. She asked him yesterday about this weekend because it's the run up to Christmas and she could do with the money.

Husband said he couldn't, I was asked. I said no.

There have since been more messages from ex asking again if there is any way we can.

Aibu to say no? I feel like utter crap and just want some time to myself. The last time I was alone in the house was probably over a year ago and we are flexible often when she asks.

I'm worried I'm going to get the whole oh but they don't really need much looking after talk but we all know that's never usually the case and frankly I just can't be arsed with it this weekend I am desperate for some time.

Nah, the kids have two parents. If they can't sort out childcare between them, that's their problem. Assuming they have friends and family members - they should have back up, and it's not you.

@Manara yet again I have to say on this thread that it was just a bloody suggestion 🙄
(I think I've had to say it about a dozen times now 😂)
The step children could have a lovely relationship with their step grandparents for all we know.
We don't know though because the OP never came back.
As she's ill that's understandable.

Yes but it’s interesting that your thoughts went straight to the step-mother solving this by using her parents, rather than the ex using her parents or ex husband’s parents.

It just shows that the step mother is seen as the default.

@Manara oh for the love of god......it was a SUGGESTION!
We know nothing about this family and the set up.
The step grandparents could be the only grandparents alive.
We don't know so I offered up an idea.
Just a bloody idea.

Don't change your mind it will happen again if you say NO. stick with NO and they hopefully won't make a mug out of you another time !!!

I don't think you're wrong at all. But noone will ever know how you feel until you tell them. They may be more understanding than what you think since they are parents themselves. You just have to speak up, say what you feel and assert yourself concerning the fact you have been looking forward to this time alone because you're tired and don't get much free time. Just be honest, no harm in that. And even if they don't like the fact that you're saying "no" to them, they have to respect it as well as your reasons as to why you said it. Any parent knows you can feel stressed, tired, and burned out and just need some "me" time. It may be an inconvenience to them, but it's necessary for you. You need to recharge so you can continue to function normally especially when feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Take your free time! Maybe the kids can go to the wedding with him or they can find an alternate babysitter but my dear by all means, enjoy your weekend, and get you some rest, and don't let anybody make you feel bad for doing it.

This. The ex will just have to sort out childcare this weekend if she wants to work. She could ask a student who has finished uni for Xmas. They'd probably be glad of the money.

But you don't and you clearly don't have any experience of this so not sure what's your point

Even if you weren’t poorly you are well within your rights to say no.

they’re not you’re children. If your husband wants to help out his ex he should be cancelling his plans.

Just say you’ve got the flu, sounds like you have it anyway and clearly need a rest this weekend.

Absolutely perfect! That’s exactly the situation.

I would say no, and gently explain why. Also remind her that you usually say yés.

Hi op,

Say no and offer to buy an extra gift to children if she really is desperate? If she wants the money for Xmas as she says then she will say yes...if she wants childcare so that she can work then she will say no...

you are unwell. You found childcare for your own child. She is absolutely mad.

qgood luck op 🌺

The no your husband gave applies to the entire household I’m afraid. Rest she can have her parents take them.

Will the mother also be paying him back for the maintenance she claims while he is the one looking after the kids?

NO.
You're not well.
Your own child is being looked after elsewhere to give you some quiet time.
It's not your husband's week.
It's hers.
She can sort out babysitters / family / friends herself.
You're not the default option when she hasn't got her act together.
NO.

Why are we slagging off a woman who wants to do some overtime at work because she needs the money and who has asked her DCs' parent to look after his own kids as a favour.

It's like people would prefer her to be unemployed on benefits and then the slagging can really commence!

I certainly don't subscribe to the MN norm that stepmothers must never in any circumstances even live or death look after their DSCs and any request to do so is taking the piss.

But if you're ill, you're ill. So it's not possible on this occasion. Perhaps your DH can ring around his family and someone will help out? I mean we wouldn't anything to come between him and his social life!

@THisbackwithavengeance The problem with wedding invitations is that you have to RSVP well in advance so they know the numbers, and dropping out last-minute is very rude, unless it’s a true emergency.

Their Mum deciding to work overtime isn’t an emergency situation, is it? She knew that their Dad wasn’t available this weekend so if she wanted to do overtime, she needed to find alternative childcare.

The OP is ill so she can’t do it.

Surely as soon as he said he was away for the weekend that was the issue sorted?? Why is she still asking.. Did she want him to not go to the wedding?

It's like people would prefer her to be unemployed on benefits and then the slagging can really commence!

This. Then it will be - that grabby ex wants DH to buy all the DSC Christmas presents as she says can’t afford it! BUt what about OP’s child!

OP, it’s good of you to have helped out in the past. But you’re ill and need a break and that’s that. YANBU.

Definitely- if you've got rid of your own you don't need any others

Just keep saying 'no' you're NBU at all. You've got a rare weekend off from your own kids why would you then agree to have someone elses? Have some 'Me time' & hopefully you'll feel better soon.

@Goodtogossip the weekend is over now.
Hopefully the OP and her family figured it out 😂

Would really like to know what @prettymuchsumsit did with this one!