To say there is no way I'm looking after DHs kids this weeknd?

[prettymuchsumsit]

Husband shares DD (8) & DS (11) with his ex. Kids are here 2 nights one week, 3 the next. This weekend is not our weekend for them to stay.

Husband is away this weekend at a wedding, I'm not going as I was going to stay home with our toddler.

I've been feeling like rubbish all week, lethargic, head ache, generally run down. My parents have agreed to have our toddler tomorrow day and night so I can have some time to myself. I NEVER get time to myself so I am desperately looking forward to it.

Husbands ex quite often works overtime at the weekend and we tend to have the kids stay when she does. She asked him yesterday about this weekend because it's the run up to Christmas and she could do with the money.

Husband said he couldn't, I was asked. I said no.

There have since been more messages from ex asking again if there is any way we can.

Aibu to say no? I feel like utter crap and just want some time to myself. The last time I was alone in the house was probably over a year ago and we are flexible often when she asks.

I'm worried I'm going to get the whole oh but they don't really need much looking after talk but we all know that's never usually the case and frankly I just can't be arsed with it this weekend I am desperate for some time.

This

Stay firm. It’s a no.

As Pp says if DH thinks differently he can stay home.

It’s completely fine to say no. Don’t feel bad about it. We don’t naturally put ourselves first so when we feel the need to, we need to.

Not this! If DH cancels and stays home to have his children then you’ll have a houseful again and no you time alone.
DH goes to wedding as planned, ex is told no and you enjoy your alone time

Just say you have the viral shits and surely she wouldn’t want the kids having it before Xmas….

you’ll see her true colours

Tell her you're ill. Or elaborate and say you haven't stopped puking in days and you're pretty sure it's contagious. Or say fuck off. Any of them will get you out if it.

If I had step kids I would treat them as my own.

This seems like the most sensible approach. Say you are sick. Your husband is away. Neither of you are free to help out this time.

Then mute any messages until next week.

What's wrong with her just saying ' No.'?

This seems like the best message

In this case, the OP is. As she is so sick, she has sent her own child to be with grandparents.

Enjoy your childfree evening. Relax and have a bit of TLC

OP has sourced childcare for her own so she can get herself better this weekend!

I'd go with fuck off, personally 😂

I had a really shit step mum. I’m also a step mum myself now and I adore my step kids. In your situation I would absolutely say no. And feel no guilt about it.

OP's own child is going to her parents for the weekend so she can recharge her batteries.

She's not looking after her own child this weekend so she is treating the step children like her own.

You knew he had children.

Joke!!! Is it a family wedding? Could he take them? Either way not your issue.

Just no. He stays home and looks after them or he takes them him.

If I was a grandparent taking care of my grandchild because my daughter was ill - I'd happily take care of her step children at the same time.
They might not be biologically related to me but I would count them as part of the family.
Is this an option?

YANBU of course. Just tell the truth. You are ill, you've arranged for toddler to be looked after as you feel so rough. That's reason enough. DON'T be guilt tripped into it. When the kids end up sick you'll probably get the blame for that!

NOOOOOO!! Have a rest n put your feet up

She IS treating her step kids like they’re her own kids - recognising she’s not well enough to look after them, hence asking her parents to look after her own child.

Yes just tell her this - it's the truth and she won't want her kids to come home with some horrible bug just in time for Xmas either

Just say you’re poorly- she won’t want you to get the kids poorly for Christmas anyway

I usually support this narrative, and this is exactly what the OP is doing.

She's neither looking after her own, nor her stepchildren.