To say there is no way I'm looking after DHs kids this weeknd?

[prettymuchsumsit]

Husband shares DD (8) & DS (11) with his ex. Kids are here 2 nights one week, 3 the next. This weekend is not our weekend for them to stay.

Husband is away this weekend at a wedding, I'm not going as I was going to stay home with our toddler.

I've been feeling like rubbish all week, lethargic, head ache, generally run down. My parents have agreed to have our toddler tomorrow day and night so I can have some time to myself. I NEVER get time to myself so I am desperately looking forward to it.

Husbands ex quite often works overtime at the weekend and we tend to have the kids stay when she does. She asked him yesterday about this weekend because it's the run up to Christmas and she could do with the money.

Husband said he couldn't, I was asked. I said no.

There have since been more messages from ex asking again if there is any way we can.

Aibu to say no? I feel like utter crap and just want some time to myself. The last time I was alone in the house was probably over a year ago and we are flexible often when she asks.

I'm worried I'm going to get the whole oh but they don't really need much looking after talk but we all know that's never usually the case and frankly I just can't be arsed with it this weekend I am desperate for some time.

Your DH should manage this without involving you with a straight NO. Why is he talking to you about this, especially when you're not well?

No is a complete sentence.

You have plans just the same as your husband who has plans to go to a wedding. Staying at home chilling out and taking time for yourself is plans .. I can't stand when people presume because you're chilling at home you're free .. no this is my plan and I'm enjoying myself 🤣 you are always very flexible for her so the answer is no .. you have plans! X

Of course they can stay for the weekend… no problem. Dh can cancel his plans and look after his children.

No is a complete sentence…. Absolutely not is a better one!

I hope you’ve said no, OP

If it is that vital he can cancel the wedding plans. No? Oh, Not that vital then!

You are not being unreasonable. Your parents are looking after your child so you can rest. It sounds as though you are trying to shake off a virus too.
Don't feel guilty about it either.

Ex can ask her own parents or DH's parents before asking OP's parents, surely?!

But there's always a possibility that the children have another set of Grandparents (ex's parents) who could step in, but she's taking the default option - which on this occasion is not available.

That’s nice, dear. Not helpful, but ‘nice’.

@HunterHearstHelmsley well yes they could
But I'm just saying that personally I would be happy to help out if asked - so was it an option in the OPs case.

Say no and don't feel guilty. I used to give in to DH and his ex's demands for childcare until it got ridiculous.
I love DSD but I would not be caring for her while I'm sick, especially if someone else was looking after my biological children.
You need to rest. Let your DH and ex sort it out. It's not your problem.

This. Tell her the truth, you’re ill.

And as she has made clear she has willingly done this in the past. Unfortunately this weekend she is ILL, in fact she is so unwell that she has arranged for someone else to look after her own child because she recognises that she isn’t well enough to do so herself. So this time, it’s not an option.

Say no. Its not your job to burn yourself out for someone else’s convenience.

Exactly and with your own kids if the other parent is available and you’re ill you leave them with them…

@viques I meant the grandparents looking after their grandchild and step grandchildren.
If I was the grandparent I would happily look after all 3.

THIS. DH can cancel his plans in order to parent his own children, if it’s so important to him that his XW gets her overtime shift.

This. Absolutely this.

sorry, hadn’t read the whole thread

The children have four grandparents, shouldn’t they be asked before asking numbers five and six?

Do NOT cave in!

If there's nobody else to look after them, then either your DH doesn't go to the wedding or his ex (and I'd lean to this option) doesn't take the overtime.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

That’s a bit leap though - my parents find my two children tiring but have occasionally had them when I’ve been very ill - or helped take them to nursery etc. they’d struggle with two extras. I don’t think that’s a fair assumption that they’d be ok with it.

Meant to quote re the step GP having having the step kids. This is not OP or her parents issue.

Well done Sherlock! What a helpful comment 🙄