To say there is no way I'm looking after DHs kids this weeknd?

[prettymuchsumsit]

Husband shares DD (8) & DS (11) with his ex. Kids are here 2 nights one week, 3 the next. This weekend is not our weekend for them to stay.

Husband is away this weekend at a wedding, I'm not going as I was going to stay home with our toddler.

I've been feeling like rubbish all week, lethargic, head ache, generally run down. My parents have agreed to have our toddler tomorrow day and night so I can have some time to myself. I NEVER get time to myself so I am desperately looking forward to it.

Husbands ex quite often works overtime at the weekend and we tend to have the kids stay when she does. She asked him yesterday about this weekend because it's the run up to Christmas and she could do with the money.

Husband said he couldn't, I was asked. I said no.

There have since been more messages from ex asking again if there is any way we can.

Aibu to say no? I feel like utter crap and just want some time to myself. The last time I was alone in the house was probably over a year ago and we are flexible often when she asks.

I'm worried I'm going to get the whole oh but they don't really need much looking after talk but we all know that's never usually the case and frankly I just can't be arsed with it this weekend I am desperate for some time.

Well that's lovely of you to treat theoretical, non-existent children as your own!

The OP can treat the stepkids as her own. Feck them off to granny and grandad, same as she is doing with her own child. Only different granny and grandad, not her problem, so be it.

Nope-hold firm.

Maybe OP does. She’s having her own child stay away for the night so the step kids are getting the same treatment. She’s not favouring her child over the step kids

Well that's lovely of you to treat theoretical, non-existent children as your own!

The hypothetical kids are always the easiest to look after…

The best parents are always the ones without kids too. Or in this case the best step parents the ones without step kids.

If I had £100 million pounds I would buy my football team some new players.

Just keep firm, you’ve answered and hopefully your husband is actually supporting you and saying no and not passing the buck. He can always change his plans if it’s that desperate? Plus surely she doesn’t want the kids to catch whatever you’re coming down with for Christmas?

‘Roger is away, and my parents are having Charlie for the weekend because I’m so under the weather. I’m sorry, but I can’t help out this time’

@IAm16StoneHalloween2024 well yes they could ask them too. Maybe they have. Maybe they're dead.Maybe they live 2000 miles away.
I was just saying that if it was me (as in if I was the OPs mother) I would be happy to help so was it an option for her situation.

But she is? She’s sending her child to her parents because she’s not well to look after them this weekend… she’s equally saying someone else needs to watch the step children. She’s treating them all equally in saying she’s not up to watching any of them.

@WinterBird24 yes if it's not possible for the grandparents to have the step grandchildren as well then that's that.
I suggested it as an option. Not an order 😂

You have the perfect excuse (if one is necessary): You're not feeling well and have already arranged care for your own child. Why on earth would you then take on the responsibility of caring for two other children? She'll survive missing out on the extra money. It's just not possible this time.

Well maybe the OP's mother can't.

There's always one.

I’m a lone parent, so I sympathise with her. But she’ll have to find alternative childcare. They must have school friends she could maybe ask to leave them with if she has no family or friends who could do it.

But if your ex is away for the weekend, he can’t look after his kids. Neither he nor his ex should expect you to do it. And especially if you’ve arranged for your family to look after your own child because you’re unwell.

@wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting well if she can't then she can't and that's that.
As I said above.....it was a suggestion - not an order 😂😂

Say no

The mother could just…..not do any extra shifts though. She’s the one adding an unscheduled visit into the mix. If she just stuck to the plan there wouldn’t be a problem.

Exactly.
I don't get the whole thing about getting involved with men who have young children.

Your husband says, I'm away this weekend so I'm unable to have the children. You shouldn't even be brought into it. Is the ex texting you or him? Why does he keep passing her messages on to you rather than dealing with it himself?

I think asking OP's parents to take care of the step-children is probably not a good idea. They probably have their hands full with just the toddler, and I wouldn't be surprised if they don't have a close relationship with OP's step-children, anyway, or at least not the kind of relationship where they and the kids would be comfortable with overnight visits.

They're already doing OP a favour. They can stay with their mother, as originally planned, and she can simply miss out on the overtime. Life goes on!

Your DH needs to send this.

‘Really sorry Claire, would normally be happy to swap to allow you to work, but I’ve got this bloody wedding in XXXXX and Becky can’t help as she’s been really ill all week. Think it could be bronchitis. We’re sending Tommy to Becky’s parents this weekend as she’s worried he could catch it and she’s completely wiped out. Sorry to be of no help, have you tried your parents? I’ll pick the kids up as planned as normal on Weds.

And if I were you I would do fuck all all weekend. Stuff your face, watch Netflix and make the most of an empty house.

@ThisIsSockward as I have said about a dozen times on this thread......the OPs parents looking after all 3 children was a SUGGESTION 😂😂😂😂
They could have a fantastic relationship with their step grandchildren for all we know.

No, she shouldn't have taken on overtime without checking someone could have the children.

I'm sure they have already considered the options 😂😂😂