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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say there is no way I'm looking after DHs kids this weeknd?

174 replies

prettymuchsumsit · 13/12/2024 19:24

Husband shares DD (8) & DS (11) with his ex. Kids are here 2 nights one week, 3 the next. This weekend is not our weekend for them to stay.

Husband is away this weekend at a wedding, I'm not going as I was going to stay home with our toddler.

I've been feeling like rubbish all week, lethargic, head ache, generally run down. My parents have agreed to have our toddler tomorrow day and night so I can have some time to myself. I NEVER get time to myself so I am desperately looking forward to it.

Husbands ex quite often works overtime at the weekend and we tend to have the kids stay when she does. She asked him yesterday about this weekend because it's the run up to Christmas and she could do with the money.

Husband said he couldn't, I was asked. I said no.

There have since been more messages from ex asking again if there is any way we can.

Aibu to say no? I feel like utter crap and just want some time to myself. The last time I was alone in the house was probably over a year ago and we are flexible often when she asks.

I'm worried I'm going to get the whole oh but they don't really need much looking after talk but we all know that's never usually the case and frankly I just can't be arsed with it this weekend I am desperate for some time.

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 14/12/2024 08:51

She wasn’t unreasonable to ask, once. She’s being unreasonable now though.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 14/12/2024 08:56

I am sure your DH's ex would have something to complain about if you passed on the bug to your step-children and she had to miss a whole bunch of work shifts to care for them at home - or would she expect you to pick up the slack for that too?

Lotsofsnacks · 14/12/2024 09:13

prettymuchsumsit · 13/12/2024 19:24

Husband shares DD (8) & DS (11) with his ex. Kids are here 2 nights one week, 3 the next. This weekend is not our weekend for them to stay.

Husband is away this weekend at a wedding, I'm not going as I was going to stay home with our toddler.

I've been feeling like rubbish all week, lethargic, head ache, generally run down. My parents have agreed to have our toddler tomorrow day and night so I can have some time to myself. I NEVER get time to myself so I am desperately looking forward to it.

Husbands ex quite often works overtime at the weekend and we tend to have the kids stay when she does. She asked him yesterday about this weekend because it's the run up to Christmas and she could do with the money.

Husband said he couldn't, I was asked. I said no.

There have since been more messages from ex asking again if there is any way we can.

Aibu to say no? I feel like utter crap and just want some time to myself. The last time I was alone in the house was probably over a year ago and we are flexible often when she asks.

I'm worried I'm going to get the whole oh but they don't really need much looking after talk but we all know that's never usually the case and frankly I just can't be arsed with it this weekend I am desperate for some time.

She will have to ask her family member or friend to help, not your problem. Enjoy your relaxation

SaagAloopa · 14/12/2024 09:15

RubyRedBow · 13/12/2024 19:51

If I had step kids I would treat them as my own.

The kids TWO parents can't sort it out between them!

SaagAloopa · 14/12/2024 09:16

SemperIdem · 14/12/2024 08:51

She wasn’t unreasonable to ask, once. She’s being unreasonable now though.

Agree with this

MattBerningerstrophywife · 14/12/2024 09:22

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 20:29

@viques I meant the grandparents looking after their grandchild and step grandchildren.
If I was the grandparent I would happily look after all 3.

aye, well, good for you hen.

the grandparents are probably looking forward to time with their own grandchild. And they might have no relationship with the step kids

Needmorelego · 14/12/2024 09:28

@MattBerningerstrophywife yeah we established about a million posts back that I just made a suggestion.
We (the folks on this thread) have zero idea what the family relationship is between the various members - biological or step - because the OP only posted once this thread and never came back.

ILoveNigelTufnel · 14/12/2024 10:21

The children have 2 parents who are capable of sorting this themselves. If you weren’t with their dad, you wouldn’t be being asked and their mum would be organising someone else.

It’s lovely you often do have them but this time you are not feeling well and you need to have a day to yourself.

Her needs don’t trump yours.

Fireworknight · 14/12/2024 10:26

The weekend is now here. Hope you’re enjoying you (hopefully child-free) rest and recuperation.

Lurkingandlearning · 14/12/2024 11:20

You are very thoughtfully declining because you are ill and don’t want to pass it on to them. I know you said you are run down so not quite I’ll, but the only difference between run down and ill is lack of rest.

Hope you feel a bit better and enjoy a restful weekend alone

jeaux90 · 14/12/2024 11:51

Hope you get some chilled time and recover well OP

PotatoLove · 14/12/2024 17:59

If you're not feeling well enough to look after your own DC, you definitely don't want the other kids around. Stick to your guns and rest.

TheTavern · 14/12/2024 18:12

Stick to your guns and say NO. Anyway if u have a cold or flu coming on u don’t want to pass it on to his kids for Xmas😉

Mrsbloggz · 14/12/2024 18:13

@prettymuchsumsit
You don't seem to want to participate in the discussion that you started.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 14/12/2024 18:15

You are ill and can’t.
Your dh can cancel his plans ti look after his children but you could have an infectious bug so bad idea.

Sometimesright · 14/12/2024 18:29

prettymuchsumsit · 13/12/2024 19:24

Husband shares DD (8) & DS (11) with his ex. Kids are here 2 nights one week, 3 the next. This weekend is not our weekend for them to stay.

Husband is away this weekend at a wedding, I'm not going as I was going to stay home with our toddler.

I've been feeling like rubbish all week, lethargic, head ache, generally run down. My parents have agreed to have our toddler tomorrow day and night so I can have some time to myself. I NEVER get time to myself so I am desperately looking forward to it.

Husbands ex quite often works overtime at the weekend and we tend to have the kids stay when she does. She asked him yesterday about this weekend because it's the run up to Christmas and she could do with the money.

Husband said he couldn't, I was asked. I said no.

There have since been more messages from ex asking again if there is any way we can.

Aibu to say no? I feel like utter crap and just want some time to myself. The last time I was alone in the house was probably over a year ago and we are flexible often when she asks.

I'm worried I'm going to get the whole oh but they don't really need much looking after talk but we all know that's never usually the case and frankly I just can't be arsed with it this weekend I am desperate for some time.

But it’s not “we”having them is it? It will be you! Just you feeling ill and even if they don’t need to be entertained they still need feeding! Stick to you guns Op don’t they have grandparents?

Sometimesright · 14/12/2024 18:32

snotathing · 13/12/2024 19:42

You said no. Why is your husband continuing to ask you to do it?

This! Tell your husband if he’s that concerned then he should stay home instead of going to the wedding!

Petlover9 · 14/12/2024 18:32

Trickabrick · 13/12/2024 19:36

”Sorry I can’t help this time, I’m not well enough to look after one child hence my parents are having DD so I can recover”

That should do it, but if she persists say actually you are going to your mum's too as she wants to look after you as you are so tired. She is a cheeky cf.

Irridescantshimmmer · 14/12/2024 18:41

Just say no as you don't wantt to burn yourself out due to you feeling unwell lately.

MustWeDoThis · 14/12/2024 19:34

prettymuchsumsit · 13/12/2024 19:24

Husband shares DD (8) & DS (11) with his ex. Kids are here 2 nights one week, 3 the next. This weekend is not our weekend for them to stay.

Husband is away this weekend at a wedding, I'm not going as I was going to stay home with our toddler.

I've been feeling like rubbish all week, lethargic, head ache, generally run down. My parents have agreed to have our toddler tomorrow day and night so I can have some time to myself. I NEVER get time to myself so I am desperately looking forward to it.

Husbands ex quite often works overtime at the weekend and we tend to have the kids stay when she does. She asked him yesterday about this weekend because it's the run up to Christmas and she could do with the money.

Husband said he couldn't, I was asked. I said no.

There have since been more messages from ex asking again if there is any way we can.

Aibu to say no? I feel like utter crap and just want some time to myself. The last time I was alone in the house was probably over a year ago and we are flexible often when she asks.

I'm worried I'm going to get the whole oh but they don't really need much looking after talk but we all know that's never usually the case and frankly I just can't be arsed with it this weekend I am desperate for some time.

Your partner is being unfair going to a wedding when the Mother of his child wants to earn money she can use to support their children and herself. What would he, or you do if he had full custody? I think it's bad he's putting a wedding before the needs of his own children and where their financial support come from.

Once again it's the single Mum who ends up getting sh*t on. They aren't allowed to work, they aren't allowed to work more, it they don't work they are also attacked. If DP is not willing to take his kids, he should pay the wage she will miss out on.

Petrasings · 14/12/2024 19:43

MustWeDoThis · 14/12/2024 19:34

Your partner is being unfair going to a wedding when the Mother of his child wants to earn money she can use to support their children and herself. What would he, or you do if he had full custody? I think it's bad he's putting a wedding before the needs of his own children and where their financial support come from.

Once again it's the single Mum who ends up getting sh*t on. They aren't allowed to work, they aren't allowed to work more, it they don't work they are also attacked. If DP is not willing to take his kids, he should pay the wage she will miss out on.

Show quote history

I agree

Manara · 14/12/2024 19:48

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 21:52

@RosieLeaf well here's a shocking suggestion.
The husband could talk to his parents in law and ask them if they can possibly help out.
They can obviously say no. They could also say "oh gosh of course we can" 🤷

Or here’s a shocking suggestion. The ex could ask her parents or DH could ask his parents.

Trying to co-opt the step-mum and her family to provide childcare is unfair.

Manara · 14/12/2024 19:50

PotatoLove · 14/12/2024 17:59

If you're not feeling well enough to look after your own DC, you definitely don't want the other kids around. Stick to your guns and rest.

Even if OP had her own DC, she shouldn’t be guilt tripped into having her DSC. No means no.

Manara · 14/12/2024 19:53

RubyRedBow · 13/12/2024 19:51

If I had step kids I would treat them as my own.

OP doesn’t even have her own kids. So not sure what your point is.

Thedandyanddude · 14/12/2024 19:53

Erm no. Whats the point in getting your parents to babysit if you're still looking after his 2. If he wants to cancel going to the wedding or take them with, that's up to him.