If school fees were a struggle for you, do you think it was worth it?

[Hebnk]

I’m in the position where I can send dc to a private school. I’ve seen one I really like. If money was no object I wouldn’t think twice about it, as I really would like dc to go there. But… having factored in the vat and the yearly hikes and other expenditure, I can afford it and be ok but it would mean never moving to a bigger house, less holidays, certainly no fancy handbags etc for me anymore! 😅

To add I’m not concerned about dc being around very wealthy people and feeling left out as they have very wealthy grandparents so have all the resources there for the up to date gear and the holiday home etc. It’s really just me that will have to adjust my life a little and I suppose I want to know if those who have done that do feel it’s worth it? Dc is only four so this isn’t about academics, just want them to be happy at school with as many experiences as possible.

I don’t know which way to vote, but definitely worth it for us. Their school has been entirely brilliant for them and the local state offering unfortunately lacking. It is so dependent on the child and the school, but I’m very pleased we went for it.

@Br1ll1ant do you struggle to find the money/make sacrifices though? I get it’s an obvious choice if you don’t feel there’s personal sacrifice involved if you see what I mesn

Yes it was a struggle and,yes, it was worth every penny. The primary HT recommended it for our DS and he was right. He needed to be pushed and received an excellent all round education.

No, if it’s looking tight now then fees are likely to continue to go up quickly (in many cases quicker than inflation and therefore wages).

I wouldn’t want to start something that I couldn’t definitively continue for their entire school career (including sixth form).

Why don’t you keep them in state for primary, save hard and look again at your finances, fees etc in year 5/6?

We did state primary in order to save up for indy secondary.
It is a struggle and VAT will make it even harder but we have deliberately chosen not to upsize the house etc. So far yes, it is worth it. Not for academic results but for the quality, breadth, depth of the offer + to see our DD blossom.

It all depends what your choices are. If our state options had been better, we probably wouldn't have bothered, but the local comps were pretty awful in terms of bullying and poor behaviour. I’d say see how you get on at local primary school and go from there. If you can only do part comfortably id say secondary is a better investment.
Having said that, if there’s a wealthy grandparent would they consider paying the fees? Grandparents can pay school fees to reduce their estate - its very common at our school.
I don't regret what we’ve spent but it doesn’t worry me not going on fancy holidays and I don't own a handbag!

Agree with it depends on your options and your children. We have a good state option, (but not super amazing - just a school that is known to be generally good, gets slightly better than average results etc but not remotely selective). My DS has still blossomed there. Private wouldn’t have been worth it for him. DH was privately educated and considers the whole thing a colossal waste of money, so it was always a bit of a non starter anyway!

I actually feel quite sad for you, not in a mean or pitying way, but it sounds like you'll basically be trying to get by for 12+ years to give your child what you feel is the best start in life and that will come at the cost of just having time and money to live and be happy together.

It's OK to just want to build a happy life together without feeling like you need to make the right choice on paper at the cost of a more comfortable life.

There are pros and cons to both choices and you can always make changes if life isn't working out X

Edited to clarify that what i mean is that it's OK to want to balance having nice things for you as well and you aren't failing as a parent because a comfortable life for you both doesn't make private school feasible.

Do state primary to find out what your child is actually like in relation to school. One of mine has ADHD and would’ve ended up being kicked out of the local private school. Its become clear that the local state secondaries will be best for her given the school styles in play.

Don't do it OP. I have two in independent we'll
Prob not move house. I stress every terms fees have gone up thousands since 2021.

It's not a happy place having that stress hang over you.

It doesn't sound like you will 'struggle' though? Going without 'fancy handbags' and 'less holidays', which implies you'll still have some. I would think struggle means no holidays, downsizing etc.
I think private school can be great, especially if the available state school is not very good. But some state schools are excellent- how about the ones near you? What is it about this school that attracts you so much? Do you have the one child? No chance of another?
I'd go state at first see how it goes unless it's very inadequate.

Both DC went to private nursery and prep. State secondary for DS and boarding school for DD. Later state six form.
The prep school was great at giving an all round education. It was useful in sports and facilities.
My DS admitted if he had gone to the famous public school at 13 he would have been a different person and a bit of a knob. We downsized to send them and it cost about £250-70k for both. Straight out of equity. I longed for a Boden dress!
One is a CS and the other studying at Oxford. Both have great general knowledge and a lovely group of friends some from nursery!

Worth every single penny.

No, I don’t think it’s worth any amount of financial stress.

If you can find a good state school and encourage education in your kids I don't think you'll see any difference in outcomes.

Me and my siblings went to a normal state school and all went to Oxbridge and top unis, now in high achieving careers on six figures...

My cousin's by comparison all went to private school and they've all done similarly to us in terms of academics, but worse in terms of jobs. I think it works out their parents spent about £1m in total on each of them for their education, whereas my parents spent nothing.

However I think if your kids aren't as academically gifted then a private school will probably push them to do better. If your DC are bright, and the state school is good, they won't need it imo

We didn’t struggle in a not enough money for food way but we certainly made sacrifices. No regrets, DC had lots of opportunities that weren’t available at our local state school, the wrap around care was a major consideration for us with us both working full time, although in recent years we’ve both been wfh.

DC is now at college (state as the local one is amazing for the subjects DC is taking) and I feel like we can financially breathe again!

A million each?! Where did they go to school?!

I wouldn't send them for primary unless your local primaries are really dire.

I would (and do) make the sacrifices for secondary as that's where the real differentiator between state and private is IMO.

Depends what you're sending them for though - if it's for the social aspect of being part of the private school set then go for it from age 4.

If it's for the education, smaller classes and opportunities, save it for yr 7+.

I think it depends what state education is like where you live. We are in a similar position in that we can afford private school but it would be at the expense of holidays, activities, savings for DC for university and house deposits. Our local state primary is excellent and dd started reception there this year. We don’t at all regret sending her there, she is thriving and really enjoying it and I can’t fault the school or teachers there at all. We would have made a different decision had the school not been so good, and we have the backup option of private should we need it later on for either DC.

The benefit private schooling adds really makes the most difference where it adds something the child is not getting at home in terms of suppprt, cultural capital, experiences.

Eg DH grew up in a wealthy family. Prep and a top private.

My parents were "new middle class". Grew up in poor towns in northern England, first in their families to reach university & professional jobs.

My parents sent me to state school and provided lots of parental support, music lessons, language exchange trips, exposure to ballet, music including orchestral/opera/jazz, sport. A home life that included plenty of literature, support to choose careers with potential for development & higher earning.

Result? I landed up at precisely the same university as DH and we both earn similar.

There's been some evidence recently that private school doesn't deliver better academic outcomes when you remove the effect of other factors like parental education level, parental income.

It was not worth it enough for what it cost in my experience. I had mixed schooling for 2 and then 1 went to a state school the whole way. Note number 3 was all State as I had become disillusioned with private, it didn’t deliver better outcomes.

My advice now would be tutor them as and when needed, and send to an outstanding CofE or Catholic secondary. You might have to buy in to a catchment area sometimes.

Mine were different from each other in terms of natural academic abilities. It is really hard to say, but my private dc could have really done with tutoring looking back on it, but I assumed they didn’t need it due to smaller classes etc.

Not worth it. Massive waste of money. Mediocre teaching. Difficult peer group. Unhappy child. Realised too late. Very much regret that unfortunate chapter of life.

Perhaps not wholly relevant but I’m a teacher and the most intelligent/well educated teachers of my training cohort went to work in state schools. ‘Dangerous Minds’ syndrome we always called it! It sounds horrible but the real dregs went to the private system (especially those who went to private school themselves and perhaps had the right accent but were no great shakes at school) It was the difference between those who went into teaching idealistically to make a difference and those with few other options available to them. So on that basis I probably wouldn’t send mine even though we could swing it financially. Though I’d likely send them to a ‘big name’ indie if we had the means.

Teaching quality aside, it’s usually the case that classes sizes and facilities are far superior in the independent sector. Research shows that class sizes don’t make a difference to outcomes but I just don’t buy it. Elite schools are also able to take on brilliant teachers without any formal teacher training too and the sports offerings are often wildly better. So I’d be taking into account your child’s temperament, hobbies and quality of teachers too.

Yes for the music, drama and art and nurturing of ambition.

In terms of academic results, one of them would have done as well in the comprehensive but not sure about the other..

I don't know if it was worth it as I have never used the state system and don't know whether the outcome would be the same, better or worse if I did.

However, private school, with its working parent-friendly set up, on-site facilities, wrap around care and customer-focus, allowed me to keep up and progress my career whilst reducing the day-to-day aggro of grappling with a poorly resourced state school system.

What is 13,000 to 26,000 fees per year (the cost of dcs' school fees) shared between dh and I if I can earn more on promotions and have the peace of mind that my dcs' education is being looked after and they are with academically ambitious students and parents.