If school fees were a struggle for you, do you think it was worth it?

[Hebnk]

I’m in the position where I can send dc to a private school. I’ve seen one I really like. If money was no object I wouldn’t think twice about it, as I really would like dc to go there. But… having factored in the vat and the yearly hikes and other expenditure, I can afford it and be ok but it would mean never moving to a bigger house, less holidays, certainly no fancy handbags etc for me anymore! 😅

To add I’m not concerned about dc being around very wealthy people and feeling left out as they have very wealthy grandparents so have all the resources there for the up to date gear and the holiday home etc. It’s really just me that will have to adjust my life a little and I suppose I want to know if those who have done that do feel it’s worth it? Dc is only four so this isn’t about academics, just want them to be happy at school with as many experiences as possible.

Your experience sounds horrific @Geppili. Your mother was abusive, plain and simple, and I'm sorry you went through that.

I will most likely be sending my DD to a private sixth form, as it is small ( tiny) and local.
She is autistic and struggled badly with overwhelm in a grammar school and then an ordinary comp. I hope it will be worth it for some pastoral care and no public transport commuting. I tell myself it'll only be for 2 years so hopefully the sacrifice will be worth it. And I would never let her think I couldn't afford it.

Without too much fine detail and just anecdotal stats from people I know really well who were privately educated. All relatives of mine and DH or very close friends or their children. It’s a real mixed bag with the older ones being as far apart as a person who can get pension credit to one who owns a yacht and an amazing house that is featured in books about history.

All in all it depends on a mixture and all the qualifications in the world will not make up for an obnoxious personality or a face that doesn’t fit.

I grew up in a posh street where siblings and I were the only ones to not attend private school. We all did really well, got into good unis and great careers. Better than a lot of private educated friends. BUT I'm not naive enough to think that means we had a better education in state. I hated school with a passion and spent most of the time being bullied. If it wasn't for my outside interests and friends I have no idea how I'd have turned out. I was smart so I did well in exams but that's it. That was me, not the school. DS started in state but we've now moved to private for various reasons. And DD will go to private for secondary. I really don't care about exam results, it's the full picture I'm interested in.

I think it's important to remember OP is that it doesn't have to be a decision for now if you and not sure about committing. You can start in state and move if you don't feel it is working. The best option is the one that is best for your individual child and how they develop. And you know your child better than anyone. It's true that it is not just about exam results but a happy and secure child is likely to thrive more than an unhappy one. If that part of the equation is right, and the teaching is good and stimulating, a child will flourish in the widest sense of the word. A great school on paper can be the worst choice for a specific child. Fit is so important.

If you have pretty decent state options I wouldn't bother- my son did a bit of both- one reason we did private at 12 was he wasn't very lazy so we did 2 years of state boarding school but it was very tight - after that did a decent comp with some additional top up tutoring in his poorer subjects and he was fine-

We really struggled to pay them, honestly I dont think i would so it again if i had my time over. Im not sure it really benefitted them either!

I think some do in RL. We had lunch with old friends and DC on Christmas Eve and by coincidence our DC are both doing the same course in the same year group at Oxford. They hang out together in the same wider friendship group, go to the same socials, have similar hobbies etc. Chatting with my friend, she was saying that they almost bankrupted themselves putting their 3 DC through very expensive private schools and she wishes they had gone the state grammar route. She said our DC and their respective friends are so similar you would never know who had had those crazy sums spent on their education and who hadn't. They are now in a position that they are struggling to help out with University. Luckily studying in Oxford is not so expensive but they are concerned about how much help they can give with house deposits etc.

I'm paying it now and stuck. It's done good for both my kids in different ways. My eldest is just milking it for all it's worth, every thing the school throws at her she just takes it on like a sponge. But what I'd say is the parents are uber competitive, you have to do what you do in school out of school to be any good eg netball then you must do club, county etc too. Swimming, you'll need a club out of school too.

It all makes it very expensive on top of fees

My youngest is ND and the school have been supportive but I do feel a bit lost in a lot of ways. I do wonder if a proper sendco at a state school would have been better.

I think it truly depends on your existing lifestyle.

There are two types of wealthy people - those who prioritise stuff (designer bags / clothing / big homes / high end cars) and get a big thrill and sense of achieving these 'milestones'. And those who prioritise experiences (holidays, theatre, meals out etc). Both are valid ways to live and don't let anyone tell you one is better than the other.

In my experience as a parent with a daughter now in private school you do see both types of people send their kids to private school but the type of person who likes 'stuff' often does it a higher salary (200k+) than the one who likes experiences (100k+). You just need to figure out the right budget for you and go from there.