If school fees were a struggle for you, do you think it was worth it?

[Hebnk]

I’m in the position where I can send dc to a private school. I’ve seen one I really like. If money was no object I wouldn’t think twice about it, as I really would like dc to go there. But… having factored in the vat and the yearly hikes and other expenditure, I can afford it and be ok but it would mean never moving to a bigger house, less holidays, certainly no fancy handbags etc for me anymore! 😅

To add I’m not concerned about dc being around very wealthy people and feeling left out as they have very wealthy grandparents so have all the resources there for the up to date gear and the holiday home etc. It’s really just me that will have to adjust my life a little and I suppose I want to know if those who have done that do feel it’s worth it? Dc is only four so this isn’t about academics, just want them to be happy at school with as many experiences as possible.

How exactly would my children’s schooling benefit if one of the parents didn’t work? I should stay home all day and wait until 3.20pm to enable to world’s best childhood? And can you only have a good childhood if one of your parents doesn’t work?

Do you honestly not know? That is this an actual question.

For us moving to a decent state secondary would cost us around £300k-£400k even if we downsize. So it’s a no brainer really.
plus I am sure that they will get a better education than at the best state secondary.

I think it’s a very old fashioned view and I don’t think a good childhood is dependent on a parent not working. And let’s be real here, in 99% of cases it’s the mum.

Well, you’re entitled to your opinion as am I
An awful lot of the success children achieve in school is down to the fact that somebody is facilitating the after school activities, somebody is picking them up and taking them to school so their school day is shorter. Lunch is prepared on site and nutritious. Own bedroom for quiet study. Somebody is there all summer holidays to make sure that any gaps are filled in their knowledge and enriched.
if I had to choose between all of the above or private school, I would choose the above.
But ideally you need both.
If that’s old-fashioned so be it.

I think this is a very difficult question to answer because, by definition, parents who send their children to private school will think it is worth it. And no one has the ability to clone their child and compare to how they might have done in a different school.

My parents sacrificed to send me to private school and think it was worth every penny. I would have preferred not to have gone and to have had some of the things that I had to forgo (including, for example, financial support through university and money towards a house deposit, as many of my peers had). There was also a huge pressure on me to do well as I couldn't help but be aware of the family financial sacrifice. I was bullied at the school and never fit in, but the school was perceived as so much better that I just had to get on with it.

Some of this can only be achieved by having two good incomes! Everything you are describing costs money: after school activities, own bedroom, nutritious food. Activities and experiences in the summer holidays.
btw my kids have all of this and two successful well educated parents who earn well and have flexibility in the holidays. So your point you need a stay at home parent for a good childhood is not valid at all. And yes very old fashioned.

No.

I sacrificed everything for my son to go. He left at 16 as he was really fucking lazy. Still is at 21 just left a degree apprenticeship with 8 months to do as it was too much like hard work and is now floundering.

He would have done the same if he’d gone to the local schools. It fully depends on the personality of the child.

That’s the point so if you’re going to spend the equivalent of the second income on private School give some thought to whether that might be better not being earned in the first place and having one less stressed parent.

btw your children might not agree they’re not here to ask

I don’t think packing kids off to summer clubs is anywhere near as good as the direction of a conscientious parent.

And I say that as someone who packs the kids off to summer club! I don’t think it’s old fashioned. We can’t all make the optimal choices for our kids all the time. Life is compromise and I’m fine with it

Also as a working mum I know I’m nowhere near as hands on and involved as my own mum was to me. We were afforded huge advantages from having a SAHP.

But other things matter to me too: my financial autonomy, pension, a meaningful career, a role model to my daughter. Neither is better nor worse IMO

Sorry for derailing OP!

We sent DD private from start of Y9 because her mental health was so bad at state school. We felt at the time that if we didn't move her we could lose her.

We could afford it by temporarily stopping the capital repayments we make on our interest only mortgage , took a cheaper car lease and only one cheap holiday a year.

This week DD who is now 16 and at college told me that if we hadn't moved her from her state school when she was 13 she wouldn't be alive today.

Aside from the mental health issues , DD has a learning difficulty. She left her private school with 6 GCSEs ( 2 level 5s and 4 level 4s) thanks to the intensive support she was given. We know she wouldn't have passed any at state school.

There is lots of talk about more sporting opportunities being on offer at private schools. Can anyone elaborate?

Is our state school an anomaly? They offer rugby, football, hockey, cricket, netball, cross country, rounders, athletics, rowing (indoors on concept 2 machines obviously!), they have S&C and fitness clubs, and take kids to schools’ dry slope ski races to help getting evidence for their GCSE PE.

Apart from not having a swimming pool (do most private schools?) there’s not a lot missing that I can see but I’m interested to hear other perspectives.

When I compare it to my older girls versus my younger children’s sporting endeavours, it’s not about what they do. It’s how they do it and actually I suppose you could apply that to the whole education.
My son plays badminton
25 of them are stuffed into a sports hall given a racket each and a shuttlecock and off they go. Whacking the shuttlecock and each other.
My daughters had groups of four and a tutor/coach with them for the entire hour duration teaching them how to point their shoulders, how to return serves explaining the rules of the game. It’s the depth rather than the exposure.

DD's state school had amazing sports facilities and was a sports specialist school with priority places given to pupils who excel at sport. It had much more available than the private school we switched her to.

The private school offered the chance to try lots of different things by having arrangements with outside providers. They have an equestrian team but that's only available to the kids who do it as a hobby and own horses already so not much a benefit to anyone else. The kids do get to do horse riding for PE as well as golf and tennis lessons but they bus the kids out to do it elsewhere . No pool unlike the state school.

Well put it this way our local state secondary school offers 1 x PE lesson per week choice of: netball or hockey for girls, football or cricket for boys.
DDs indy does 5 x double sessions per week with a rota of: swimming (school has a pool), squash, tennis, netball, cricket, rugby, hockey, gymnastics, athletics, cross country, cross fit.
The other thing is having specialists teaching each sport eg ex-England players for netball, cricket, rugby and tennis. There is also a riding club which competes at national level.

Those are the differences around here.

We sent a DC1 to a private school for GCSE. It was great, but I wonder if it was worth the cost. He probably would have done well at the comp.

we had been encouraging DC2 with high needs to go private. DC 2 said no, DC1 asked to go and we could hardly refuse.

Yes a lot of them have swimming pools, spin rooms, gyms. And specialist coaches in certain sports too as well as specialising in rowing or lacrosse etc

It's just broader and more investment

For our DC it would have been a waste of money but the decision depends on the individual child.

I think it depends so much on your child, the school and the circumstances.

We chose to have 4 holidays a year and send her to the local comp. We really enjoy our holidays (run businesses so work far too much).

She gets grades 8 or 9 for most subjects so we are quite happy.

100% worth it. We struggled and wouldn't change a thing.

Thanks for the range of replies here. I have calculated on the assumption that ex won’t contribute but there is a chance he would. I think I am maybe underestimating the stress that may come with this and need to be more prepared. My feeling now is to use state as long as possible and hold out for maybe age 8 or 9. It’s not what I wanted to do but such is life!

How can you know that they are getting a better education? Ours went to excellent grammars and they have all done phenomenally well. They had great school experiences, lovely friendship groups and did high level competitive sport, music etc as well as a range of supra curriculars. They had brilliant teachers, great careers advice, coaching for university interviews etc. I can't see what extra we would have got had we paid.

You won’t find a private parent prepare to admit it’s a waste of money and they’ve fallen for the marketing… OP you should be asking those who used private and THEN left for state. There’s a LOT of people who discovered that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be and actually a lot more narrow minded and constrained than normal school, and yes there is still bullying, tons of it, and god - the parents. The awful, awful privileged parents…

and god - the parents. The awful, awful privileged parents…

Every single one of them?