If school fees were a struggle for you, do you think it was worth it?

[Hebnk]

I’m in the position where I can send dc to a private school. I’ve seen one I really like. If money was no object I wouldn’t think twice about it, as I really would like dc to go there. But… having factored in the vat and the yearly hikes and other expenditure, I can afford it and be ok but it would mean never moving to a bigger house, less holidays, certainly no fancy handbags etc for me anymore! 😅

To add I’m not concerned about dc being around very wealthy people and feeling left out as they have very wealthy grandparents so have all the resources there for the up to date gear and the holiday home etc. It’s really just me that will have to adjust my life a little and I suppose I want to know if those who have done that do feel it’s worth it? Dc is only four so this isn’t about academics, just want them to be happy at school with as many experiences as possible.

Also wanted to say that school fees were a struggle once I had 2 dcs in private school and I was working part time when they were young.

Then my and dh's pay caught up and now it is just another expense. Which is ending soon and we will segue nicely into paying their university fees and accommodation.

Absolutely not! Bullying happens at private schools just the same and the small number of children means that if you are excluded by a friendship group, there is no one else to choose from. Do not do it. A complete waste of money in my case.

Different situation but similar rationale in looking for the best option for our DC, our choice is to make financial sacrifices to pursue home education. So a reduction in hours for both of us and way into the future exams might cost a fortune.

I went to an excellent state grammar and did well from it but am not convinced the regimented nature of school will work for our DC.

God no, have some nice holidays instead

If granny so wealthy - why doesn’t she pay!

Yes.

I send both my children to private school....

They say "money cant buy happiness" but actually in this instance I believe it does.....

Our catchment state school is shocking (It has featured on a bbc documentary about the worst schools)

The independant school my children go to is amazing.

They are so happy and have far more oppertunites to do "other" things.
The behaviour that they are surrounded by means that teaches spend the vast majority of the lessons actually teaching rather than managing other things in the moment.
The school is non selective but its results are on par with the local selective schools.

We are lucky to be able to comfortably afford the fees, but yes it's worth every penny and I have happy confident resilient well rounded children as a result of my choice of school for them, who are also highly likley to excel academemically, and enjoy their educational journey.

What do you want from life and what do you want from private school? Are you expecting them to ger certain jobs? Do you just want them to be happy? How would their lives look in the alternative?

I regret not having been able to send DC1 to private - he would have had a very different life.

I'm a single parent so it's a massive sacrifice to send DC2 (we don't have holidays at all, for example) but it's absolutely worth it. Not for academic results but for personal development.

I'd say choose wisely though. I visited ~25 private schools over a couple of years to decide. Some PS are really... strange, think Decline and Fall 😵‍💫Also, you might need to reconsider options later on, when DC's personality, aptitudes, strength and weaknesses become more clear.

We really struggled to afford it in the earlier days. It was worth every penny.

With wealthy grandparents do you have a mental safety net ie if (God forbid) you were off sick on SSP for a period of time, or were made redundant, would they step in temporarily if it meant keeping your child where they were settled?

The big issue is that if the school IS worth every penny, and any amount of scrimping and saving, what happens if you don’t have enough pennies (fee increases, VAT etc). Children in private schools are often there for their whole school life and they know that and mentally plan for that - leaving is inconceivable to them. If you have a prep school not attached to a seniors in some respects that is simpler as everyone will leave and disperse elsewhere so if it wasn’t financially possible, you could leave that that natural break. But the more you and your child love the school, the higher the pressure to be able to afford it for 14 more years….

I would say that’s the thing you need to weigh up. I would do anything to keep my daughter at her school, it’s like a huge family and she is thriving. I don’t have a single negative thing to say about it and I can’t remember even thinking one in all the years she’s been there. I cannot imagine having to tell her she had to leave. That was a huge pressure in the early days when we really did struggle to afford it.

Did you go to private school? If so, it might be that you can replicate some of 'that type' of extracurricular enrichment for them outside school and send them later on.

If not I would send them, because it will teach them things that you can't.

To answer your question - yes fees were a struggle and yes it was worth it

@Nina1013

You are right, private school all the way is a financial rockface to climb, if paying out of earned income.

One thing I will say is that even if dc love their school now and it is part of school that escalators up into the senior school and sixth form, both of mine when they got to senior school were keen for a change of scene. My dd switched to another Sixth form (also private) but my ds stayed though his friendship changed to another school's.

The schools locally are rated good by ofstead (or were last time I looked). The primary seems quite lovely to be honest but it has next to no facilities and huge classes with wide age ranges.

I don’t think my parents would help. I actually did ask them for 50k upfront to help reduce the overall sum due year (ie I planned to use 5k a year from it) but they said no.

It is a very school dependent question. My DD has been at an Independent that has suited her hugely. It has well supported her additional needs and she has definitely had a better outcome than she would have had elsewhere. It is an all girls school and she has thrived.

My sons have been at a different Independent and in honesty they have been pretty rubbish. I think they could have done just as well elsewhere. The school is nowhere near as good as they think they are. We have two more terms to go and I cannot wait to never pay them another penny. The fees have increased so much every year and if it is going to be a struggle I absolutely would not go down that path.

Knowing everything I know now I would make a different choice.

Yes, it’s been transformative for my DC. But we live by an excellent private school and mediocre state schools so made sense for us, it’s very dependent on where you live.

I know I'm not the primary audience for this having not sent mine, but if your local schools are good and you can afford extra curriculars and tutoring, what do you think private school will gain?

If you've got a nice local primary, I'd try that first, and revisit the idea for secondary. I can honestly say I couldn't have cared less about facilities as a child (you mentioned that as a pull). You could also commit to putting the money you would be paying on fees in a savings account to get a sense of what having less spendable cash is like for you!

I sacrificed everything - drove a battered old Volvo and only had a few holidays a year. It was worth it because my kids were and are thick as pig-shit and they'd have been fucked if they went to a state school. More than happy with my choice.

@NeverSeenAFarmerOnABike Christ that's a pretty awful way to speak about your own children, what grades did they come out with? If they were that 'thick' surely no amount of education would help?

This is a tricky one that I ask myself a lot. I have 3 children, they have all been educated so far mostly in the independent sector.

We have enough money that we can easily pay fees but not so much the amount goes unnoticed. No mortgage and decent amount in savings. It still feels like a big burden and a life choice I question daily.

Oldest daughter started in state. Clearly classes were too big, school were lacking funding and being an intelligent well behaved child she was being forgotten. The teachers were firefighting and just didn't have the time to even consider pushing a child who was doing well and not causing a fuss. She had a few nice friends but there were some unsavoury characters and lots of children with very different morals/ lifestyles to us. I not saying this is a bad thing, I don't want my children completely sheltered and oblivious to their privilege just an observation. Also you can have this issue anywhere, regardless of money.

Her sister started state school with her, struggled a bit with learning (later diagnosed with dyslexia and now possible ASD/ ADHD).

We moved them both year 4 and 1 into the private sector. The difference was amazing. The opportunities, the attention from the teachers, the clubs, the trips, the other parents. It all just worked and worth every penny.

Senior school was different. My eldest went to academic inner city selective school. She has since moved to a (excellent rated) state school for sixth form. She much prefers the state school. She says there was an underlying competitiveness and bitchiness about money that she didn't realise until she left. The school was beautiful and well marketed. It has a brilliant reputation. I feel now that it was all for display. They get amazing grades, offer so much on paper but really the environment just wasn't right for her. Also the days were long she did get quite burnt out.

My younger daughter went to a non selective small independent, nurturing school in the countryside for senior school. She loves it. It's worth every penny. It's a very relaxed school which specialises in getting the best from each child. Her love of Art has been celebrated in a way that a state school would never have had the time or resources to do. They kids there staying kids, no fake eyelashes, rolled up skirts (no judgement just observation), phones are locked away during the school day so they communicate on break times not stare at screen. I notice lots of the parents of older kids still walk in to pick their kids up (something which would never have happened in my huge state secondary). She's had quite a few issues with anxiety... and they have been able to give her lots of support.

i also have a son who is quite a bit younger. I have chosen to put him in an independent school from reception. He is doing great there and getting lots of attention, opportunities... They are completely 'on it' with laying down the foundations of his learning. I'm not sure what we will do for senior school with him. He seems personality and academics wise very similar to my eldest so we may send him to state.

Personally for a neurotypical child I would choose independent junior over senior school if I had to pick one. By senior level they are set and are likely to gravitate to children like themselves. There's usually far more choice of friends. At junior level they are still learning who they are.

Some things also to think about. My children's friends are quite far from us. This makes it hard sometimes. I would love them to have more local friends. My neighbours who children are at state school have a lovely network of local friends.
Days can be very long and exhausting compared to state schools.
They get quite a lot more homework than in state schools.
If you are in the position to still go on holiday they can be significantly cheaper as you don't have to go at peak times, this can counteract the cost of school fees more than you think.

So the moral of my hugely long story is that's it's all about the school and the child. I would be very careful ever being pulled in my results, marketing, new buildings... If you can find a brilliant school state or independent then go for it. Talk to parents at that school, preferably in higher years. Meet the kids, meet the families. Ask them the pros/ cons... It's a huge investment.

Good luck!

It is so child dependent.

We had decided on state school until it became apparent our son was painfully shy, introverted, and struggled in larger groups.

He's also got severe food allergies, including to dairy, and the local state schools didn't fill us with confidence when we asked about how they managed food allergies.

He's absolutely thriving in his Indie school. Small classes, great wraparound, lots of clubs/activities/facilities. Pastoral care is 2nd to none. Teachers get back to us the same day about things and are just so on the ball and enthusiastic (experiences may vary!)

Financially it's a bit tough.
We can manage, but it means a simpler lifestyle for sure.

Ultimately, I'll take a happy kid over the frills of life, and I look forward to a bulkier bank balance when school's out...

DS has gone to a wonderful private school since nursery (he’s now in 2nd year of senior and still loves it) and for us it has been worth every penny but we haven’t had to sacrifice which of course makes a big difference. If it’s going to impact your life and make you worry each term I can’t see it being worth it, however our local primary schools are very good so that also influences my thoughts on things. Another thing to mention is that while DS classmates and their parents are really lovely, many can be cliquey and judgemental about not only the clothes and expensive school trips DS goes on but also the car/house/clothes worn by parents too. Just something to bear in mind.

As others have said it really really depends on what schools you have available, and how well suited your child is to that school (vs the others available)
we are lucky to live near several very good LA schools, but decided on private for DS as we believed he would benefit from smaller classes etc.
honestly it was a massive mistake. The private school has very poor SEND experience as they have a selective intake at 3+. Our son, ASD, but thriving in nursery, has had an absolutely torrid time at reception as the teachers have nil experience and were not able to follow the very sage advice from professionals- as a result our son was isolated and we were now moving him to …one of the very good LA schools local to us.

But we are really very lucky to live near such schools, and I don’t know how I would feel if our local LA schools were not so nice.

My brothers and I all attended private school from age 8. My parents were very stretched. Our house was a tumbledown dump, we went on 2 holidays during my entire childhood, my mum always dressed herself in supermarket clothes and we always shopped in Lidl- before it was popular.
we also live in an area with grammar schools which are very well regarded and which I at least had places offered at - my brothers didn’t try.
when I look back at our lives and the outcomes we have had, I do question if the stress my parents put themselves through, was actually worth it.

Hope this helps. Our eldest got into a top private school and we decided not to take the place (due to cost also it being single sex.) She was very happy at her state secondary and went to a top uni. If she had been unhappy we would have moved her. So you could start at state and see what happens? Teens get expensive anyway - hobbies, clothes, food, driving lessons etc much more than 4 year olds so factor in that cost too.

My experience is that the people who had to struggle and make sacrifices will always say it was worth it as it is too upsetting to even contemplate it being a waste of money. I’ve got two close friends who basically impoverished themselves for extremely expensive private schools. Now they’ve all graduated it’s pretty clear there is no difference in achievement or confidence between them and children we know who went to state schools. But they will never admit that it wasn’t worth it. They are also quite boastful about Uni marks, job offers etc where my other friends are not so it feels like they’ll be justifying those private school fees forever!

Friends for whom the fees were not a struggle are much more likely to acknowledge the downsides of private education and query whether it is actually worth the money.

It depends what you place value on. We aren't doing it for outcomes/GCSE results/specific uni progression