If school fees were a struggle for you, do you think it was worth it?

[Hebnk]

I’m in the position where I can send dc to a private school. I’ve seen one I really like. If money was no object I wouldn’t think twice about it, as I really would like dc to go there. But… having factored in the vat and the yearly hikes and other expenditure, I can afford it and be ok but it would mean never moving to a bigger house, less holidays, certainly no fancy handbags etc for me anymore! 😅

To add I’m not concerned about dc being around very wealthy people and feeling left out as they have very wealthy grandparents so have all the resources there for the up to date gear and the holiday home etc. It’s really just me that will have to adjust my life a little and I suppose I want to know if those who have done that do feel it’s worth it? Dc is only four so this isn’t about academics, just want them to be happy at school with as many experiences as possible.

Never needed to consider it because all the local schools are superb, both caring, pastoral care, very high exam results, most getting their uni choice, Oxbridge success high.

So I was privately educated some years ago by parents as they didn't feel that the local schools were good enough. I went from the age of 6 and my sibling from starting school.
My parents struggled financially to meet the cost but did so with many sacrifices. I am grateful to them but career wise I haven't done any better than others who have been state educated. I was middle of the road at school, lots of my classmates went on to be doctors etc and many didn't do anything in particular. My sibling has an excellent job but arguably would have got this anyway as they are very clever.
I feel continued indebted even as an adult to my parents - unless finances are no issues then please consider carefully

And most counties in the UK don't have grammars so the choice is comprehensive or indy.

That wasn't the point. I believe the poster was claiming that private education is always better. I made the point that my DC had superior education in state grammars to what many are paying for. If you want to talk about comps though, some are still better than some private schools. It is a well peddled marketing ploy that something must be better because you are paying for it. That is just not true.

Some state schools are better than private
Some private are better than state

It all comes down to postcode lottery.
You spectacularly miss that point. You are incredibly privileged to live in an area with good grammar schools, most kids in UK don't have that access. Hence why many parents choose private.

There are also many good comps though. It is not as simplistic as grammar or private being the only routes to a decent education!

Parents with children who fail the 11+ are not lucky to live in grammar school areas - the non-grammar provision is quite often very poor.

But I do agree this is an individual school issue and not a state/private issue.

It's also an individual child issue. My DC went to the same secondary school but had markedly different experiences.

Yes, although super selective grammars are a bit different from grammar counties as they tend to select on pure score and take in from a wide area where comps will also be options. In grammar counties like Kent and Buckinghamshire, you get the secondary modern scenario you describe.

I didn't spectacularly miss the point. You went off on a tangent to what was being discussed, which was whether private schools are intrinsically better. My comments were in relation to that original discussion.

But while we are on the topic, presumably you chose to live where you live knowing that the state schools were bad? It's not all just fate you know.

No, the discussion was "where the school fees worth it". I have never, ever said that all indy schools are intrinsically better than state. I have frequently said our local indy is better than our local state.
As always you choose to twist my words!

I wouldn't say we struggled but it would have been nice not to feel we had to spend the money. We would have a lot more in savings and probably be retiring earlier.
However, I am a Governor at the State alternative and sit on the Exclusion Panel and I don't regret a penny of the fees

Oh FGS someone else did though. And you weighed in. Maybe read the thread. I was responding to a comment by another poster who said private would be better than any state school. You just got the wrong end of the stick. There is no need to be so defensive.

To live near decent state schools we would have had to move at least 40 miles away to an area we couldn't afford to live in. The NE is a wonderful place to live but has yet again come bottom in national tables for GCSEs in England.
Our 3 bed semi cost £180,000. To move somewhere with good schools it would be at least £300,000 for the same house. That simply wasn't affordable for us.
No grammar schools and little culture of tutoring so a lack of high quality tutors at secondary.

OP one thing to consider is - if you are stretching yourself do you mind the outcome? If your kid wants to pursue something you don’t consider worth the education eg not go to uni or whatever will you be ok? I do have adult friends whose parents later resented their choice of career as felt they could have done more following their expensive education. It might still be the best school for them but parents need to still have realistic expectations

I agree with what @NewGirls says. We have a number of friends where no financial sacrifice has had to be made for their DC's school fees and they generally take the view that the school is a good fit and the DC are happy and doing quite well and anything more is a bonus. We have others where it is a big financial sacrifice and they are expecting a return in terms of the universities the DC go to and ultimately the careers they have. The DC know that their parents have made sacrifices to have them there and that is a lot of pressure on a teenage DC. I think it's fine to make the sacrifice if it is the right thing but care needs to be taken that the DC don't feel pressure or guilt about that.

Ah so gaslighting me now? I certainly do not insult people yet you seem to find it acceptable to do that to me.

I have no interest whatsoever in your posting history. Your mental health? Seriously, please please stop engaging with me. It is preferable that way.

You realise that people who have committed that kind of money are unlikely to think it was a mistake, it's confirmation bias, basically.

They don't actually know how things would have turned out making different decisions, none of us do.

The fact you have worded it this way could mean that you want people to validate your decision - which responses make you defensive and which make you feel good? It's your responses that will answer it for you, not people making decisions with different incomes/schools/factors.

FWIW I've seen families that thrive and families who are pissing money away, you could word a question on here in any way to find these examples - but what are you looking for?

Well I know mumsnet thinks private schools are only for the global elite. But my parents owned a post office and sent me to a private school (only child) as they feared I would be racially abused at the local comp which had a reputation. They never had takeaways, meals out, holidays etc. They begged and borrowed from every single family member. Many of the people who say private schools are unfair frankly would not deny themselves the way my parents did.

I would say private schools set me up for life. I was extremely shy and needed that extra attention. Large class sizes would have disastrous for me. I will say that the environments I was put in (private school then grammar school) had a culture where it was totally taken for granted we would do something with our lives. I also think not being around boys was beneficial. Hardly any of us had boyfriends until university but it meant we could focus on ourselves, hobbies and studies. No one was a social outcast for having had that experience either.

I went to private schools and would have preferred to have gone to a state school and had the equivalent money as an 18 year old to buy a flat outright.

I was privately educated right through from 4 to 18. My mother privately educated four of us right through. She never let us forget how much money she was spending on us. She also expected great results across the board. She was mean with so many basic things like hot water, clothes, toiletries, sanitary protection.

I would far rather have gone to the nearby (excellent) state and not had the pressure and guilt and had nice clothes and been taught that self care and bathing was important. I got into Cambridge University. My mother's ultimate accessory, a daughter at Cambridge. It was the happiest I have ever seen her, the day I got my A level results. I had a breakdown at University. She wasn't bothered at all.

If you do go private, don't let real or imagined financial angst affect your precious children.