If school fees were a struggle for you, do you think it was worth it?

[Hebnk]

I’m in the position where I can send dc to a private school. I’ve seen one I really like. If money was no object I wouldn’t think twice about it, as I really would like dc to go there. But… having factored in the vat and the yearly hikes and other expenditure, I can afford it and be ok but it would mean never moving to a bigger house, less holidays, certainly no fancy handbags etc for me anymore! 😅

To add I’m not concerned about dc being around very wealthy people and feeling left out as they have very wealthy grandparents so have all the resources there for the up to date gear and the holiday home etc. It’s really just me that will have to adjust my life a little and I suppose I want to know if those who have done that do feel it’s worth it? Dc is only four so this isn’t about academics, just want them to be happy at school with as many experiences as possible.

If your local primary is fab and you think your child will love it then use it. (If your child has SEN though go straight to Private)

If you can wait for private until secondary then you will really be saving yourself some money and be able to see your child's needs and personality and make an informed decision (sporty, a rower, arty, performance arts etc) so many private schools out there have different styles and specialties.

I went private for secondary for DD15, I'm a lone parent so it was a big commitment but I have no regrets.

But, year 7 the school was straight onto me saying, we think she has ADHD....which she did, never a peep from the Primary because in a class of 30 who is going to bother with the shy, quiet and non disruptive girl? I wish I'd gone private sooner for her.

My point is Private = smaller classes, more choice etc. but State primary might be the right answer for your child. It really comes down to your individual child. I always also wanted a single sex secondary education for her.

Is it a struggle? I've always used the school fees plan which means a direct debit monthly which doesn't feel as bad. It means bonus/commissions can be put to one side for holidays or mortgage over payment etc

And yes totally worth it!!

I'd definitely think about an in between option with state primary, maybe moving into an independent school in year 5. That would be a better use of money if it's a little tight and is very common. We've used private all the way through and whilst the prep school was lovely I'm not sure you get as much ROI as you do at senior school.

100%

My DC1 has been at state school all the way through. He's now studying a STEM subject at a high ranking university, is still in touch with his school friends and is a lovely well rounded person (plays sport, music etc). I can't see how it would have been worth sending him to private school. On the other hand we sent DC3 to private school for a couple of years when he was struggling (although he's back in the state sector now). So I think it does depend on the child and the school.

Yes, until sixth form where options were very limited. So, ours then went to state colleges which were excellent.

100% yes.

The school they went to had excellent pastoral care - exceeding my expectations by such a long way. It was cool to be clever and work hard at that school. Getting high scores made you more not less popular with your classmates.

The school excelled at finding and supporting everyone's niche e.g. a sport the non-sporty could thrive in. It encouraged the less confident/workshy pupils to respect their own potential and aim high.Although it was very academic, it allowed time off for professional theatre workshops and music masterclasses.

My DC came out with excellent A levels, offers from top unis (where they went on to get Firsts because the work ethic instilled in them was strong), a close friendship group, with thriving extra curricular interests and the attitude that it is worth giving what you want your best shot.

I know I am biased and I know NASALT, but I went to a comp where even the teachers mocked academic students and encouraged us not to get ideas above our station. There was a lot of classroom disruption and bullies targeted anyone who was seen as clever. It was cool to fail - to skip school, not do your homework etc. So depressing and lonely. I wanted the opposite for DC and was prepared to pay for it.

Depends on your local state options. We could have afforded it but had outstanding primary and secondary on doorstep and both DC excelled academically (both Oxbridge candidates) and no problems. Sure the behaviour of other kids caused concerns sometimes, but it drove both DC to do independent work outside of the classroom and that mentality is / will taking them far in life. I’m sure an independent school may have been nicer at times, but wasn’t necessary. I guess those saying its been worth it are comparing to the worse schools. There are some good state schools out there

Depends on the kid and depends on the school.

Mine benefits greatly. Mostly it's the sport and the high behaviour expectations. The academics are secondary but have drastically improved. It is some of the best money I have ever spent in terms of value/importance to me.

I'm comp and would have benefitted (bright but bored). My sister would have enjoyed but didn't need it (bright kid that would do well anywhere). My husband was offered private school but didn't want to go (but now says he would have liked the sport) and his sisters are like my sister - bright and would have done well anywhere. Of the grandparents, three are grammar and one is private. Private didn't enjoy school so much but has had the most successful career.

There is another independent school locally I wouldn't choose and two comps I would choose and the local one I wouldn't.

I'd say independent really benefits kids who are bright, confident and social especially if they have a bit of neurodiversity like dyslexia or adhd. Especially if they have enough natural talent to coast along without even trying. It encourages them to embrace their best points and not dim their light to fit in.

It depends entirely on the individual circumstances, but for us yes it has been entirely worth it.

We now have a happy confident well rounded thriving young man who is doing well at uni. But he struggled so much with the bullying at state school before we moved him.

At the time, half our income went on school fees and yes it was a struggle, but completely worth it. I honestly don’t know if he would even have still been alive if we hadn’t changed schools.

(And before people pile on about moving to another state school, there weren’t any.)

To add another anecdote - DS went to private prep (absolutely worth it, happy to pay) private from 11-16 (shouldn't have bothered, crap GSCEs, self esteem on the floor) and now is in state sixth form college (flourishing, high aspirations and much better self esteem). So who knows.

However, I used to work in the accounts office of a different private school, and if you're stretched for fees then it isn't worth the misery as a parent in my opinion. For every favoured child at a private school who's parents think its absolutely worth it, there are another 5 parents with children who aren't thriving to the same extent and who feel slightly ill each time the school bill arrives, don't really think it's worth it and wouldn't do it again.

I don't know the answer but just to let you know not moving to a bigger house, have less holidays and not having expensive handbags would not be what most people class as "struggling".

Yes. It doesn't sound like you'd be scraping by and the sacrifices you've listed don't mean all that much to me (never been one for fancy handbags and don't care to move to a bigger nice house and as long as I have some holidays I'm good).
If it was a case of being in an overcrowded house, no holidays, risk of not paying the mortgage then no.

It really depends on your child what area you live in etc. We have twins and one goes to a brilliant free local grammar school - the other has been to a different local grammar and then two local private high schools because she has SEN needs and needs the smaller class sizes for her sensory overload problems. If I am honest the free local grammar has been a better experience for my son than my daughter's two private schools....but she could cope at these and is now thriving. She was refusing school when she was at a local grammar.
Personally I would just move to a good state school area and pay for tutors and extra curriculars.

It’s very different if your dc have finished school because it was a lot cheaper in the past! We haven’t completely ruled it out but I think we will go state however it depends on the dc & what schools are available to you. I do think private offers better sport & art facilities but 25ks worth? I’m not sure.

Really depends on your DC and local options. Private school was not on our radar, until it was. Things went to shit after Covid for DS as the class became very disruptive and he struggled with dyslexia. He moved, aged 10, in August this year and he's a changed child. Worth every penny for us despite the compromises we need to make financially. DD will join him for secondary as our local high school isn't great and violence is common.
I've lost friends over the decision as there are people out there with quite wild views about private school. One friend who was particularly vocal (but has a great catchment secondary school for her DC) has just mortgaged herself to the moon to get 'the house'. A 30 year mortgage at 45 which will cost the same as our school fees. So, it's all about choices really...

For us, yes, and they only went to private school for a few years not consistently all the way through
DD3 could barely hold a pencil when she started reception in private school halfway through the year. She only actually had two years of private education but she has the most beautiful cursive handwriting now.
DD2 probably benefited the least, I still like to think she got something out of the one-to-12 attention.
DD3 was told that she might have a chance at passing the 11+ by the headteacher in State School. She passed.
She was told she was failing at maths in year three. She’s currently a maths teacher herself. I truly believe it made an enormous difference to her.
And I wish I could afford it for my DC4 and five

I’m also not convinced we could afford for dc plus uni & house deposits.

The only thing I would add, is that the 12 grand a year private schools are a waste of money in my opinion.

We went to a mid range one after starting off in a cheap and cheerful one. And the difference was mind blowing just an extra £6000 per child per year. It was like another world.
Whereas the gap between state School and the 12 grand a year Primary School wasn’t huge and in my opinion wasn’t worth it
I can only imagine what the 24 grand year schools are like

I can only imagine what the 24 grand year schools are like

Thats the average price for the secondary ones near me, don’t know any much cheaper (London/Surrey)

I appreciate prices might have gone up since we used them 10 years ago

They’ve gone up massively in a decade as we didn’t think it would be such a question of affordability. Plus everything else has gone up.

I have a child in each, private and state. And all the competitive chat about houses, cars and holidays is from the state parents. I've had Xmas drinks with both sets of parents this year. I came home exhausted from the conversation with the state parents all comparing who had the bigger SUV and what their Xmas decor theme was. The other group is far more humble. I'm not suggesting this is the same for all groups of parents but I think your sweeping generalisation here is laughable based on my own experience of seeing both sides (parents and children).

If it’s £50,000 now per year for two children I think that money could be better spent on mum or dad staying at home and just facilitating the worlds best childhood using state education in that case
I think in total we spent 150,000 for about five years worth for three children. Which was the equivalent of buying a house at the time.
So maybe I guess that’s what people have to compare it to now in today’s money to decide.
that also didn’t come out of earned income. I think that’s a huge mistake that people make to is trying to pay as you go.

It depends on how good the state schools near you are, and also so much on the child. Our eldest is at private secondary school because she is autistic and for a time was situationally mute. She was bullied in primary school, permanently anxious and had some difficulties with school work. We’ve sent her to a very small and nurturing private secondary and she’s absolutely thriving - now speaking in class, has a lovely group of friends, the teachers have looked after her brilliantly and she’s often top of the class in end of year exams. My youngest will go to one of our state secondaries (as long as he gets into one of the good ones!) because he’s confident, sociable, doing well with his schoolwork and wants to go where his friends go (we gave him the option of private, but are secretly relieved he doesn’t want to because financially it would be extremely hard). For my dd, totally worth it. We’re not particularly well off but are comfortable (household income £60k, mortgage on our (small, falling to bits) house paid off). We are very careful with money, holidays are camping, clothes secondhand or cheap.