To say no to dog on holiday

[Tired88p85]

We live abroad. We are going to the UK to see our families next spring when our baby will be 8 months old. My in laws have downsized so we can't all stay with them comfortably (DH is one of 4 and everyone is coupled up). So DH and I are booking a large villa for everyone for a long weekend. Everyone is contributing a bit but we are paying the majority of the cost. BIL wants to bring his new dog and I've said no. Dog is a blue (?) pitbull and will be around 1. They don't actually have the dog yet, they're in the process of bringing it home (I don't know the details).

1. I am terrified of dogs. I was attacked by one when I was 7. I have worked on.my.phobia to the extent I can now be around dogs for a few hours, I can go for a walk in the park etc (things I couldn't do 10 years ago). But being in the same house as a young pitbull for 5 days will send me over the edge.
2. baby will likely be crawling. I don't want to spend my holiday making sure baby is kept away from the puppy.

BIL has kicked off. Everyone is sort of on.my side in a "she's unreasonable but we want to see the baby so suck it up" kind.of way. It's making me feel horrible. I've been asked nicely to reconsider but if I say no everyone else is still coming. BIL is not clear on whether this is a deal breaker for him.

Absolutely not! Why would anyone put a dog before a baby? Some dog owners (not all. I am one myself), treat their dogs like children which they are not. Aren’t these dogs the ones that can be aggressive. There’s no way would I accept this.

All dogs can be aggressive.

I am confused, yes.

You're doubling down on the very much debunked nanny dog myth, calling other posters stupid in the process and berating their research skills.

But when you've been asked to provide sources for your claims, you've vaguely referenced the top five search results (we don't actually know what you've searched for btw). You do realise that a lot of the content on the internet is unregulated, right?

Spreading falsehoods about dangerous dogs on a parenting website is irresponsible.

lol! I am not doubling down on anything.

i have categorically stated that no child should be left alone with a dog.

Searched - SBT nanny dog, staffy nanny dog, Staffordshire bull terrier nanny dog.

It wasn’t a thing made up in the 70s….

if people want to take as gospel content on an unregulated website - their choice, right?

Could you just not book accommodation that doesn't allow dogs?

@Adventlandonhs I would be very happy with separate accommodation. The rest of the family, BIL included, want to be all together. So there is no compromise on their part! Unfortunately almost all Air BnBs in the area seem to allow pets for a fee.

How much is this prince contributing to the cost of the villa?

DH should tell him straight that in a choice between your baby's safety and his dog, your baby will always come first so it's not happening and he needs to get over it.

I'm getting the sense that you or DH are wringing your hands over this so as not to cause offence.

Staffys are great dogs, but staffy puppies are very high energy and need persistent training. I’d not be overjoyed at trying to keep a crawling baby and a staffy pup apart.

I'm a dog owner, but there is no way I would take on a rescue dog just before Christmas, & surprised the rescue are letting him, it is a chaotic time of year to introduce any animal to a household. (I've assumed a rescue as you say he is 1 years old?)
Your BIL will have little to no information on the dog itself, the dog needs a quiet space and time to adjust to his new home. A house full of people is far from ideal - no matter what the breed.
Staffordshire Bull Terriers can be nice dogs, but no dog should be called a 'nanny dog' and certainly not one where you have no history of the first year of it's life.
I think you are being totally reasonable in saying no. Your BIL and other family members should have loyalty to you and your feelings, not some dog they probably haven't even met. Plenty of time for them to meet the dog once he is settled.

Nana, the dog in the original play by J M Barrie, was a Newfoundland and you're probably right is the origin of the "Nanny Dog" myth. And it is a myth, bearing in mind the play and subsequent adaptions are about a boy who can fly and lives in a mystical land populated by pirates and fairies where children never grow up.

A dog as a nanny is possibly the least far-fetched thing about it. Doesn't mean it has any basis in reality.

https://www.thenewfoundland.org/nana.html

Well, tough!

They can all stay together and pay for it themselves, and you get your own accommodation. The dog would be non negotiable as far as I'm concerned.

All good, I've stood my ground, it's my holiday after all and the whole point was to have a nice time with family and introduce them to their first grandchild/nephew.

BIL has history of being very dramatic and DH says that's why everyone is not even really trying to argue with him. It's a no and leave it at that, he'll come around apparently.

I was just looking for some outside opinions as my fear of dogs has attracted a lot of ridicule my whole life. I sometimes feel like satan for not loving dogs (and the irony is that I DO really like dogs, I think they're very cute, I just freeze when one comes near me!!).

Good of you to stand your ground.

No she doesn't. I wouldn't have wanted an unknown rescue dog around my first baby, my second baby or my third. I used to work in an animal shelter and this is standard advice. Rescue dogs are unpredictable, their triggers impossible to know. Safety first every single time. It takes time to establish an animal into a household.

"You are going to be one of those mums that passes all their phobias and fears to their children."

What an arrogant thing to say. You don't know the OP from a stranger in the street. How dare you tell her that!

That was a rather horrible post from Pancakeorcrepe @pictoosh
They sound like the type that gives all dog owners a bad name.

Glad you stood your ground. Not everyone understands how precarious it is introducing rescue pets to new people, especially children.

Is this dog a rescue? Op didn’t say that?
As someone who has many dogs I wouldn’t take them anywhere to stay with very small children. Not because they aren’t well trained or well behaved, they are. But it takes a lot of monitoring to ensure very small children interact safely with a dog and a lot of dogs, rescue or not, do not respond well to grabbed fur, pulled tails or high pitched screaming (not the child’s fault of course, it’s what children do). BIL needs to leave the dog at home, for everyone’s sake.

Is this dog a rescue? Op didn’t say that?

The OP says the dog is a year old and they are in the process of bringing it home. That must mean a rehoming.

It could be a private rehoming rather than via a rescue. But that would mean a lower chance that the dog has been assessed and matched to approved prospective owners.

Staffies are probably at or close to full size by the time they're a year old (as this one is).

It's more likely to be a teenage arsehole than a puppy. Plus unsettled by the recent rehoming. Not a dog to take in to a unfamiliar and busy household (as this one will be for the family gathering).

It's simply not fair on the dog!

Especially as this one's temperament and level of training are complete unknowns.

It's not my research skills that are the issue here, but the word 'contemporary'.

I said, 'None of the sources seem to be able to refer back to any contemporary sources.'
Contemporary, in this context, means, 'of that time'. you're claiming the term came from the late C19th. Can you prove this? Because none of your sources do - they just use the term.

staffieclub.com: 'Despite its tough origins, the Staffordshire Bull Terrier’s reputation as a nanny dog was born out of its remarkable bond with children.' A present day use, no evidence that it dates from C19th.
Staffordshirebullterrier1935 website: "From being a fighter to becoming the beloved nanny dog"
Doglistener: It has a nickname, “The Nanny Dog”

Sorry for the hijack, OP, but I've never found an origin for the 'nanny dog' myth prior to an article written in the 1970s.

Whilst it seems unlikely anyone would be frightened of our tiny poodle, I would not be shutting him away if a visitor was frightened of him. If they've chosen to visit his home then he will be there. He isn't the sort of dog who would make a big fuss of visitors though, so they wouldn't be very close to him unless they wanted to be.

I fully respect anyone's wishes for us not to take him with us to visit their homes, but this means in 99% of cases we would decline an invitation.

As it is, everyone invites him everywhere. If he isn't mentioned, I always ask (politely) and all our friends and family say "of courses!"

Quite a lot of dogs can be a bit funny around crawling babies anyway, so I'd not have the dog there for that reason.

You better get onto Battersea dogs home quick smart.

The term nanny dog was used to refer to pit bulls….and gradually Staffies were joined to that.

It was not a term invented in the 1970s.

but does it actually matter????? I have very clearly disclosed my personal view that NO dog should be left with a child on its own. It’s not something that I, nor any other respn dog owner would I imagine find acceptable behaviour.

See below.

No, op says the dog “will be around 1”. I assumed she meant by the time they are due to see it, in spring? If so, it could be a puppy they are buying now or one that is a few months old and has been “run on” from a breeder. Makes no difference either way though. The child won’t know if the dog is rescue or not.