To say no to dog on holiday

[Tired88p85]

We live abroad. We are going to the UK to see our families next spring when our baby will be 8 months old. My in laws have downsized so we can't all stay with them comfortably (DH is one of 4 and everyone is coupled up). So DH and I are booking a large villa for everyone for a long weekend. Everyone is contributing a bit but we are paying the majority of the cost. BIL wants to bring his new dog and I've said no. Dog is a blue (?) pitbull and will be around 1. They don't actually have the dog yet, they're in the process of bringing it home (I don't know the details).

1. I am terrified of dogs. I was attacked by one when I was 7. I have worked on.my.phobia to the extent I can now be around dogs for a few hours, I can go for a walk in the park etc (things I couldn't do 10 years ago). But being in the same house as a young pitbull for 5 days will send me over the edge.
2. baby will likely be crawling. I don't want to spend my holiday making sure baby is kept away from the puppy.

BIL has kicked off. Everyone is sort of on.my side in a "she's unreasonable but we want to see the baby so suck it up" kind.of way. It's making me feel horrible. I've been asked nicely to reconsider but if I say no everyone else is still coming. BIL is not clear on whether this is a deal breaker for him.

Bad idea. If the brother is unreasonable enough to suggest taking the dog with him and sulking when refused, he can't be trusted to hold his part of a deal, he would be overstepping, not-a-big-dealing, he-is-just-friendlying, you-weren't-here-ing and the OP would be anxious the whole time.

The dog can't come.

So they're getting what is probably a Staffy cross for Christmas?

A rescue that lets someone take a dog at this time of year might not be the most diligent.

I get that, if I said my dog would be exercised sufficiently in the morning, would be tired and would happily stay in crate in my bedroom, bar being taken out for bathroom
breaks - then that would be the case.

I can understand though, that it may not be the case.

I personally wouldn’t take a rescue dog, it would likely be too much for the dog, if it wasn’t too far away I would travel for a dinner/ lunch something, as the rescue dog probably also shouldn’t be left for a weekend, at a kennel. But I am a respn dog owner - one can’t expect other people to welcome the dog. They didn’t chose to get the dog. BIL needs to appreciate he has 12- 14 years of being respn for this living thing!

Why does there havecto be a compromise no dog means no dog

There does ot have to be a big long back story to the reasons no means no

I didn’t say there had to be a compromise….it was in the vein of maintaining cordial family relations…..

It was a suggestion to the OP, are you the OP? Her agent?

Hire somewhere that doesn’t allow dogs!

I’m a parent and a dog owner. I wouldn’t want a baby / toddler around an unknown young pitbull. It may be a pain for him to sort out dog care for a young dog, but I would def say stick to your guns. In my experience many / most holiday lets don’t accept dogs / puppies under the age of 1.

The breed is obviously a red flag, but regardless of breed dog shouldn't be coming.

Our dog is a big placid softie but he struggles a bit when we had our relatives young DCs in the house. Nothing happened of course, but one of us would keep an eye on him at all times. He was fascinated by niece who was learning to crawl. We're going to get a dog sitter for the family holiday this year which is a pain because it costs quite a lot, but it just makes life easier for everyone.

Dog lover here but absolutely YANBU. Your BIL is being an arse

I agree with this completely. The dog will still be unwinding and settling, taking it into a strange place with lots of people so soon after you've got it is not a responsible thing to do and is setting the dog up to fail. It's not fair on the dog or the humans. Additionally, you need to assess a rescue dog (and listen to its background). I introduced mine to children very slowly as I watched his behaviour and if there were any signs of stress. I would not have put him in a position where he was in a house with a child/baby until I was confident he'd be ok. And even then I watch him very carefully, it's not a relaxing weekend watching your dog around young children who are strangers to each other.

I would say your BIL may not be able to leave such a new dog in kennels, but his choices are then: 1) getting someone to pet sit in his home (less traumatic for the dog who's last experience of kennels was probably negative if he was in a rehoming centre), 2) do visits for part of the day (if the dog's OK being left & he lives close enough), 3) maybe meet you for a walk while the dog is on lead, or 4) not come. Getting a dog, particularly when you have a new rescue dog, means there's some things you can't do.

Stick to your guns, OP. You've said they can't bring the dog. If they have already paid towards the house, give them their money back and tell them to make their own arrangements.

No good deed goes unpunished OP. At least you'll know in the future just to sort your own accommodation and leave the rest of them to it. The dog would not be welcome on my holiday either.

It would be unreasonable of you to expose your baby to a dog of unknown temperament and possibly an illegal breed. You shouldn't feel guilty about saying no!

You are paying for the majority of the accommodation and you don’t want a dog there.
You win.
No dogs, the dog needs to be booked into kennels or He can book his own place to stay. But ensure he does not bring the dog to your place during the day.

Didn't a 10 year old boy get attacked by a staffy just last year?

As a parent of a baby this age I’d say no way.

Even if it was a sweet little dog I’d want to say no actually. It’s just a hassle having a crawling baby around dogs that are not your own.

I also don’t especially love dogs so wouldn’t be getting anything positive out of the experience myself. We spent a weekend with some (nice) dogs this summer and it really annoyed me. The smell was awful and it was annoying to have half an eye on the baby’s whereabouts at all times. I believe you should never trust any animal around a baby so felt on guard the entire time. I also couldn’t leave baby with family as I know others are more relaxed about dogs and babies than me. This combined with the standard hormonal protectiveness of a newish mum just made the whole weekend uncomfortable. But to be fair, I wouldn’t even take my kids to a cafe with a pitbull.

Not finding it - not mentioned on the Wiki page on the SBT.

None of the sources seem to be able to refer back to any contemporary sources. Rather, the term seems to have first appeared in the 1970s.

A rescue dog, or in fact any dog, in a new environment, around a group of new people, and especially a crawling baby?! Not to mention your own personal fears, which whilst obviously valid, aren't the real and present danger here. WTF is the matter with anyone asking you to reconsider? Utter batshittery.

You are scared of dogs so it's not unreasonable for you to say no.

Does your BIL know the extent of your fear?

If no, he's not being unreasonable in asking if he can bring the dog, but he is being unreasonable by kicking off. A no is a no, he'll be a dog owner so will have to get used to taking the hit - he'll either have to pay for a kennel/dog sitter, or miss out.

We've been invited to stay with in-laws before and couldn't find anyone to have our dog so asked if he could come, and as they are dog owners themselves they were fine with it. If they hadn't have been, one of us would have simply stayed home.

Also, just to clear up some misinformation - no dogs have jaws that lock.
That's a myth.

They have jaws where they don't want to let go though.

If it was a family dog breed fine, but any muscle dog, hell no

@RampantIvy yeah, and there are some dog breeds with a bite force I hope I never have the misfortune of feeling.

I just don't think it helps the argument to use terms that don't exist.

As a dog owner myself, the bil has two choices. Stay at home or kennel / find a dog sitter. It's not his call to make.

Babies crawling are going to be a nightmare anyway with people carrying endless cups of hot tea about, never mind about dogs.

Rent a two bed with a big lounge instead for visitors, and handy local b&b or campsites. No dogs:)

There’s no way I’d want a pitbull in a holiday home with me and my kids.

especially not a young one.
an unknown one
One that is unfamiliar to even its owner.
especially not in an unfamiliar environment
especially not with lots of people.

solid no from me.