To say no to dog on holiday

[Tired88p85]

We live abroad. We are going to the UK to see our families next spring when our baby will be 8 months old. My in laws have downsized so we can't all stay with them comfortably (DH is one of 4 and everyone is coupled up). So DH and I are booking a large villa for everyone for a long weekend. Everyone is contributing a bit but we are paying the majority of the cost. BIL wants to bring his new dog and I've said no. Dog is a blue (?) pitbull and will be around 1. They don't actually have the dog yet, they're in the process of bringing it home (I don't know the details).

1. I am terrified of dogs. I was attacked by one when I was 7. I have worked on.my.phobia to the extent I can now be around dogs for a few hours, I can go for a walk in the park etc (things I couldn't do 10 years ago). But being in the same house as a young pitbull for 5 days will send me over the edge.
2. baby will likely be crawling. I don't want to spend my holiday making sure baby is kept away from the puppy.

BIL has kicked off. Everyone is sort of on.my side in a "she's unreasonable but we want to see the baby so suck it up" kind.of way. It's making me feel horrible. I've been asked nicely to reconsider but if I say no everyone else is still coming. BIL is not clear on whether this is a deal breaker for him.

I would never take a large dog (or my actual dog who is small for that matter) somewhere where someone was terrified of them. YANBU.

Just to say it won’t be a pit bull but anyway YANBU and I say that as a dog lover. I have a dog that’s not good with children as she has never been around them. In addition there will be lots of noise, running round etc as there are so many of you they won’t be keeping an eye on the dog

Puppies should be AT LEAST 8 weeks old before they even leave their mother. It was puppy wee ffs, not acid 🙄

Good god, that's crazy.

Tell the lot of them that they can book and pay for a villa for all of them and you and DH and baby will stay nearby in a smaller place. That way the dog can still come, the baby will be safe and you will not be paying the costs for these people. Why do you have to pay the lion's share of the cost for this villa?

Well if they are paying towards it I don’t think you can tell them they can’t do it.
You can only say that if you are covering the whole thing.

What? To keep her baby safe, she has to pay accommodation for ten adults?

No, she just needs to book a small place for her, her DH and baby and let these other people book, pay for, and do what the dangerous fuck they want.

Just tell them that the rental doesn't allow dogs. Job done.

Perhaps your research skills are not the best.

Staffieclub.com

Staffordshirebullterrier1935 website

Doglistener website

Among the top five that came up via a desktop search on Google.

She’s more then welcome to get a place for just the 4 of them.

however she can’t ask people to stay with them, expect them to pay towards it and then tell them they can’t bring their pet.

Yes, it's a staffy, sorry I don't know why I wrote pitbull, I was typing in a rush. Not that I'm sure of the difference, I don't know much about them (other than the fact they look scary!).

I think my fear of dogs is actually a red herring as everyone in the family is starting from the fact I'm scared of dogs so I must be unreasonable. Whereas the more I think about it, the more I think introducing a new dog to a new crawling baby in a holiday environment is just unreasonable.

Thank you everyone!

I am.holding my ground, there is no way I'm agreeing to the dog. I suggested we get accommodation of our own but the grandparents and the other siblings want to be in the same house. So BIL is saying he's being excluded.

It's just horrible having to be the bad cop, if that makes sense. It would be easier if everyone had openly agreed with me rather than "yes, BIL, we get it, but we want to spend as much time with the baby as possible so we will give her what she wants".

Why isn't your DH taking on some of the and cop role and pushing back against his brother to say no and that's it. Does he have your back or does he think you're being unreasonable?

And YANBU. It's ridiculous to want to bring a dog you don't even know yet to a holiday trip with other people. Bringing a dog has to be a unanimous decision where everyone agrees.

I never called them nanny dogs? I always thought that it came from the Disney film, Peter Pan. The terriers in Victorian times were slightly different and in England, more English bull terriers. These are different breeds to Pits. If the OP's brother is in the UK and he isn't a utter scumbag, it won't be a pit.

Yes, I'm amused by stupid people on Mumsnet too. Can you point me to the part of the Wikipedia entry that says the Staffordshire Bull Terrier was bred as a "nanny dog"? I'm damned if I can find it. Do you also trot out the old "it's not the breed, it's the owners" line?

I'm well past baby stage with my one and I don't have pets. I'd have to brace myself for that holiday!
Fears or no fears but one stressor less (the dog) will definitely go quite some way towards family harmony.

Stand your ground! I have a Samoyed, adorable, never done anything except bark at or lick people but I'd feel uneasy with her around a baby because literally you never know - it would be a hard no from me!

The dog will be the highlight of the holiday. We don't have pitbulls here, that's an American name usually used in a negative way 🙄 It's probably a staffie that he'll be getting and they are the most wonderful dogs. They're a companion breed and have the sweetest nature 😍😍😍

If we had no children at all and I were frightened of dogs, I’d expect my dh to say there is no way we are playing for a holiday house where my wife is uncomfortable, just like we wouldn’t get a house with not enough beds and say my wife gets to sleep on the floor and we will all have a great holiday. If I liked dogs and would have an 8mo, I’d expect dh to say any new puppy with a lot of strangers in a strange environment and also a small crawling baby is a nightmare and with that breed it’s a dangerous nightmare, get a grip you idiot NO DOG.

tell your dh if there are comments while you’re there and he doesn’t stand up for you you and baby are booking an early flight back and they can all fuck off.

BiL has a choice. He either stays home with the, as yet unknown, dog or he arranges doggy care. I also have a residual fear of dogs which I have largely overcome but wouldn’t want to share a holiday home with a young rescue dog whose temperament is yet to reveal itself. You also have a baby. The safety of the baby and your fear of dogs trumps his needs so stand your ground. BiL sounds selfish and immature.

I know own you're saying it's more about your baby than your fear of dogs - but I think they are being bloody cheeky to get the hump that someone who is genuinely scared of dogs doesn't want to spend such a long time with a dog! Especially when you're bearing the brunt of the costs!

The op doesn’t like dogs. It will NOT be the highlight of her holiday, in the villa she and her dh are paying for for everyone.

You do realise not everyone wants a do around don't you?

Who gets to decide a dog is a 'highlight'

Dogs are bloody everywhere now. Can’t go into a restaurant without a dog sitting there.

I love dogs but I think it’s gone too far.

OP I love dogs and have had a few over the years and yes Staffies are lovely and generally good around children. However an unknown dog with a baby? no way would I have them together. BIL is gonna have to suck it up and book the dog into the kennels or he doenst go.

Agree on the fact introducing a crawling baby (potentially, my 3 were 11-12 months before crawling) to a new dog is not good. Staffies are pretty friendly dogs (to humans anyway) but not a good idea when dog is meeting lots of new family members. He needs to either put the dog in kennels / home stay or pay for his own accomodation nearby. The rest of you can stay together if preferred.